Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

I once took revenge on a girl who told me she only liked me as a friend.

I knew she'd realize she had feelings for me at some point, and I vowed to deny her that chance.

Sure enough, a few weeks later, she told me she had feelings for me. I didn't even think about whether I had feelings for her or not. I said: "Well, I think we should just be friends."

I used to have strict rules: If they mess up, don't take them back.

These days, I'm undecided on whether it's best to take someone back or swear them off after they've messed up. A lot of it depends on why they left your life or how they messed up.

For example, a guy who cheats on his girlfriend is a higher take-back risk than an guy who needed to grow up, or had some minor deal breaker.

I've never had a good experience taking someone back. The "newness" and excitement is never there the second time around.

But it's still a tough decision when you have that option. And people have the knack of reappearing

My experience at the wedding I attended this past weekend has illuminated what is the most annoying/painful thing about being single.

It is not the loneliness. I'm fine doing what I want whenever I want. In fact, now that I've mastered making coffee in my new French press, I officially don't have to leave my apartment again.

It's not the unsatisfied craving for sex. I can get by without sex. I'm completely self-sufficient in that department, sadly.

The worst thing about being single is the pressure from my family to get a girlfriend. What is it about people who settle down? They automatically play matchmaker as if their way is the only right way.

It might even be even worse if I was a woman. Apparently everyone must have babies at some point in their lives too.

At the wedding, there were two single girls. Interestingly, the pressure to chat with these girls did not come from my parents. I believe they've given up by now.

The first girl, Jenn, was pushed on me

Some might say that great sex is based on pushing boundaries or kinkiness, but, in my not-so-expert opinion, great sex is based on tension.

I think sex is 90% anticipation, and only 10% the actual act.

Great sex requires the releasing of tension that's been carefully created, built, and simmered for a while. This can happen between two friends over six months, or between two people on a five hour date.

It's about chemistry and subtle realizations. With each minute you spend together you're creating mental and spiritual foreplay building tension before releasing it. I'm kind of "traditional," because I require some time to build the tension and get comfortable.

There are plenty of "types" of sex that turn people on. I've compiled a list, and I think it proves that tension is the ultimate spark that creates great/fun sex:

Makeup Sex

Makeup sex is the release of tension created by an argument. It appeals to humankind's masochistic side: the emotional pain of an

I'm getting tired of women complaining that men don't commit. I've got many friends who tried to commit, only to scare the woman away. I'm wondering if women really do want commitment. There are a few factors at play:

• Most of the guys I know try to commit to younger women
• New York City is a tough place to commit - there are distractions, and there are a lot of people
• Some guys I know make the "commitment talk" an apocalyptic, stop-the-earth-spinning-on-its-axis event

My friend Jake was hanging out with my friend Sarah for a few months. Because I was in the middle of it, I knew Jake was getting way too into it, because Sarah was just out to have a good time, and had a boyfriend.

Jake took Sarah to a café and told her that he had feelings for her. What really got to her was that he reached across the table and clasped her hands in his, making her feel (as she would tell me later) trapped, freaked-out, and in too deep.

The next few weeks were agonizing as

It's probably not healthy to get into bed with someone with a list of dos and don'ts in your head. Most of these situations depend on the chemistry between two different people, and there are many other variables. But we all know that I'm not particularly "healthy" in the realm of dating, so I developed a list of dos and dont's in bed:

Don't Try to Give Me a -----

There are few things that I'm an expert in, but pleasing myself with my hand is one of them. Any girl who attempts to manipulate my apparatus is at a disadvantage. ----- s were awesome in 9th grade, when getting it touched was new, and I was a mere novice in the realm of autoerotica. If you are brazen enough to try it, please take your rings off! A gentle touch is fun, but not a ----- . In the case of ----- s, I like to drive.

Do Have a Sense of Humor

It keeps things lighthearted and relaxed.

Don't Tell Me to Make You Feel a Certain Way

I wish I could just do without thinking. My overactive brain

When I broke up with my last girlfriend I received a rather venomous email chastising me for all my personality flaws. Needless to say this was a mighty long email. One sentence I'll never forget had to do with her opinion about my manners. When we were dating, this girlfriend used to think it was cute that I wrapped my whole hand around my fork (kinda like a cave man).

But now, in the wake of our breakup, she was holding it against me:

"You are an ignorant (learn how to use utensils) b------ ."

And just the other day, my friend Margaret quipped that I could use some help from Emily Post. I couldn't argue, considering I didn't know who Emily Post was until I Googled her. Apparently she's an expert on etiquette, so she'd have a field day with me.

Honestly, I try very hard on first dates to mind my manners, but I guess the "real me" appears after I've dated a girl for a while.

We can all agree that bad manners can be dealbreakers on first dates. Here are a few

It's hard enough to seal the deal without interference from outside forces. Men have invented a slang term in honor of these mood-killing outside forces: the c--- block.

c--- blocking is opposite of the work that a good solid wing man does. A wing man will make you look good, and create an environment conducive for sealing the deal. A c--- block ruins things - and usually it ruins things abruptly.

Here are some that I've experienced:

My Mom
Moms are the original c--- blockers. It's a shame because moms have such potential as wing women. A cute mom can make her boy look sweet, and bond with a girlfriend.

But, sometimes she's just too "mom." It all starts in middle school when you're first hitting on girls, and you don't realize mom's in the car waiting to pick you up. While executing these fledgling attempts at flirting, my mother would get fed up and scream: "Get your butt in this car right now!"

I felt rather emasculated by my mother - and it still happens

A friend of mine recently ended a relationship and now claims he can't wait to "sow his wild oats." I'm wondering how that experience could be as rewarding as growing close to someone and falling in love.

So, I weighed the pros and cons:

CONS

It's Not That Easy To Do
I strike out just as often when I'm just looking to hook up as I do when I'm looking for a girlfriend. It's depressing because I set goals (get laid by as many women as possible) and don't meet those goals. It's like trying to figure out nuclear fusion: It would be awesome if I could do it, but I'm not capable.

You Might Miss a Better Opportunity
If you're determined to sow your wild oats, you might just let that special person pass you by if they come along at the wrong time.

It's Empty
There are times when people want fun, void of emotion. But isn't an emotional connection more fulfilling? After you sow enough wild oats, you might reflect back and find that your experiences haven't