This is not the place I expected to be though it is the place of my own doing or undoing depending on if you are an optimist or a pessimist. I look back and I see how everything happens-a chain reaction from decisions and choices I have made that may have seemed inconsequential in the beginning.
Everything counts. We may not realize that in the beginning and sometimes, we may never realize it at all. It doesn't make it not true. It all adds up to our lives, every moment lived, every belly chuckle, every round of weeping, every heartache and ecstasy, every single part of our living of our lives matters in some way. It counted whether the universe was keeping score or not. It all makes a moving difference or it makes a stagnant difference. And sometimes we get so caught up in what we do not have, have not accomplished and the places we have yet to travel to-we forget everything that led us to this place we reside in now.
We forget that we may be lucky even in the midst of tragedy. We
Blog Posts by Monika Basile
heartsRead More »from Card Carrying Member of the Lonely Hearts Club
Broken HeartRead More »from Friends Without Benefits
I am concise in my explanation of what I want and feel I need. I want to share my life and not waste my time. I appreciate those who respect that and move along when they know that we want very different things.
When we are dating, I don't believe it a waste of time to maneuver around each other , or in and out of each others lives to figure out if this "works" or is something that maybe has the chance to be wonderful. That is what dating is for. That is the reason we get to know each other, spend time together etc. It is the reason behind divulging our private lives and thoughts and hopes and dreams.
It is strange though, how few people do actually respect that and take advantage of our hopefulness. I wonder how naive I must still be or how damaged my "picker" has become to not be able to detect the ones who are merely pretending. It is not only men who do this to women, women are just as bad to men. What I cannot seem to comprehend is the "why" of it. Why?
There are so many
All aloneRead More »from The Myth of Meant to Be
I have been hearing a lot of, "If it's meant to be it will happen without you looking." And "If I were single again, I think I would rather be alone and to myself. I wouldn't want a relationship."
Not true. Not true at all.
If that were true, you would not be in your relationship now. If it was much more exciting to be alone and doing it all alone-you would be. If life with your mate were so terrible you would not be with them if you were as strong and capable as you say you are.
It is easy for someone to say, "I would just be alone and enjoy myself." When they aren't and rarely have been. It is easy to talk that talk when you haven't walked that walk. It is easy to say it and much harder to do.
There are wonderful things about being single. There are joys in being single. I am not denying that in the least. There can be a lot of freedom , and sometimes that very freedom can also chain you in. When there is no one to answer to, to decision make with, to give a damn about what you
Time ClockRead More »from Every Minute
Time is the most valuable gift we can give anyone. It is the most precious thing truly, and I think sometimes we fail to realize it or discount its importance. It is free, yet priceless, easily had yet hard to find, it is a single way to allow someone to know exactly how you feel about them or don't feel about them.
In this world of modern technology the typical excuses no longer fly. It is easy to reach out for a moment and pull someone to you or push someone away. We can no longer say, "Sorry, I've just been busy." (though still we say this and assume people believe us) because it only takes three seconds to send a text, a minute or so to make a call and a minute more than that to send an email. We don't need to figure out an algebraic equation to realize that out of 1440 minutes in one day, that we do not have three seconds to say, "Hey." Or in a weeks' time, out of 10,080 minutes, we cannot find five to call or write. (and yes, I did look that up online because numbers have never
- Monika Basile | Love + Sex – Fri, Jan 11, 2013 10:47 AM EST
Joined by Elvis on the Way HomeRead More »from A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Action...Please
It feels like there are a million articles about having "the talk" and most of them leave me with my voice stuck in my throat instead. I am wondering if maybe, there shouldn't be a talk. Maybe we shouldn't need to say, "Hey, do you actually want a relationship or are we fooling ourselves?" or "Where do you see this going?"
Part of me thinks if I am driving down a lone stretch of road, and there is nothing but gravel and leafless trees lining it with a bunch of unkempt creepy houses lined up in a row, and buzzards resting on tombstones, do I really need road signs to tell me where I am or if this is the place I should be? Will a flickering neon sign reading GHOST TOWN population 0 really tell me anything more than my very own eyes?
I think that is how it is with relationships too. If I am in a state of constant wondering where it is going, maybe "the talk" has already been spoken in the deepest silence. They say men are actions and women are words. Maybe women say so
A phone conversation.Read More »from The Funny Thing
laughterA phone conversation.
"You're judging me because I don't have children. That's really ignorant." His voice is outraged.
I have no idea what to say here. I'm not judging him in the least. He is a comedian. He spends most of his time staring at himself in the mirror telling jokes. He isn't trying to be funny. He is dead serious.
"I think you have some nerve to think I am less than you since I don't have children..." What? Of course I don't think that. I think you are a bit of an ass due to you telling me you never want to take care of anyone or anything, not a plant, a goldfish or even your own apartment and that you think it is stupid for anyone to want to take care of anyone. I am trying to stay calm.
I sigh. I don't feel I owe Mr. NotFunny an explanation but I give one. "My whole life has been that of a caregiver. I have children. I work in a group home taking care of people. I welcome anyone who needs a moment of care. I have had a half
The UniverseRead More »from For the Love of God
There is one deal breaker that I will never budge on. To me, it is the most important one. It is the one instance that no matter how much I like a man, adore a man or am attracted, I will not change my mind. I can't compromise here and some may see me as a fool.
He must believe in God.
I don't care if someone has religion or even what religion they follow. I don't care if they call God a Higher Power, Allah, Supreme Being, Her, Him or even Fred. I just need to have the assurance that he will not knock my faith or make fun of me for having it. I would not do that to anyone, non-believer or believer. I simply want to know, that when the odd things that happen in my life happen-my future love will understand that I will see God somewhere in that picture.
I think that to debate my faith with one of the ones who is to love me-who I am to love, is exhausting. If you don't believe at all in the existence of a God, then you will never be able to "get" me, to understand me or to truly
a vampireRead More »from Picking Through the Picky
It isn't picky. It's what I can tolerate without losing my mind or laughing out loud. Sometimes it's the little things that make us realize someone isn't right for us. Yet, we have a hard time listening to our own inner voice-trusting ourselves that maybe the little thing that puts a niggle in the back of our brains, is actually a darn big deal.
I am sure there are plenty of little things about me that cause particular men to go running in the opposite direction. Odd little habits that I don't even realize I do or even huge big things that I am perfectly aware of. And that's okay-move along. I'm fine with that. Not that I am unwilling or unable to improve on myself, I just do not feel the need to try and change the little things that make up who I am or beat my head against a wall to change things I can't possibly change.
I am not asking anyone to change either. I am okay with moving along on my merry way when those little idiosyncrasies become giant, glaring red flashing lights
pinkRead More »from The Drawback
This time of year is a strange one for me. I call it the Holiday Drawback. This is when relationships that ended, men I have loved... tend to seep their way back into my life or at least attempt to. I used to think it was because maybe, somehow, it could all be relived-but that isn't the reason at all.
I think that sometimes people look for the people they let go of who were good to them, as one looks for a set of carelessly misplaced keys. The key word here is carelessly, not misplaced. It has taken me a while to realize that but I do understand it now.
No one wants to be alone on the holidays or even living with someone who makes them feel alone. So instead they think back to a time when someone was good to them or saw the wonder in them or simply enjoyed the person they were. And they are drawn back, back to that time when maybe they felt really good for a bit. Then the thoughts get swirling wicked crazy. What happened? Hey, why did that end? Hmmm, I wonder if she still thinks of
Holding hands.Read More »from We Are the Needy
I think I have heard enough of it.
This world says so knowingly, "You should not need, not attach. You should be fine, wonderful, content with just yourself..."
I say instead, "Enough. I've heard enough." I will not be able to live in this particular version of the world any longer because I find that all that world does-is make me feel as if something is inherently wrong deep inside me. I shall instead live in this world I am surrounding myself in...one where I am connected.
The way to avoid living is to detach yourself from it-to talk yourself out of actual need and substitute the word want. The way to never get hurt by loving, is to never allow yourself to love-to not open yourself up to actually needing other people to round out your life.
So many miss the entire point of humanity, of life itself by forgetting that nothing exists alone. We are not intended too. Not one thing is supposed to be without another. Even the stars have fellow stars, a moon, a