Blog Posts by Monika Basile

The journey I am taking is a wondrous one and a most confusing one. It is strange to see why certain things happened as they did in the aftermath. If we could be so lucky to know before those unknown steps are taken, we would never stick one toe out into the world.

Yet, this is how we learn about life and about love. We tentatively step-we courageously leap-we blindly fall-right into the midst of our lives not knowing what lies out there in the future. Sometimes we are damaged in our haste and sometimes, the damage is what in fact builds our characters. It makes us more, it makes us see, and it makes us become who we should be.

Recently, I had an odd experience. I had a few amazing dates and then a kind of lackluster one with a lovely man and then did not hear from him for awhile. I wasn't too bothered. I was okay about it. But I did wonder now and then what had happened.

You see, in my heart feelings had been lingering of someone else. I seemed to still have this small

I was conceived the night before my father left for Vietnam.

However, this is not my story; this is Richard and Inge's story. This is the loveliest love story I have ever known in my life. I am lucky to have been an eye witness to something that a lot of people think does not exist. I have seen it. I still see it each and every day of my life and it is beautiful.

My name used to be something that I was embarrassed of when I was young. It is different and pronounced a bit different. It is the German version of Monica and it is a part of their story. My father loved a song, a song he heard while with my mother in Germany about two young girls. When he found out about my impending arrival, he asked my mother to name me Geesela, the other name in the song, if I turned out to be a girl. My mother didn't like that name.

The day I was born, my mother had not heard from my dad in months. She thought he was dead. And here, into the world, I arrived in the midst of an aching

She is insane. Literally.

I shall call her "Bess" here to protect her privacy. She is one of my client's that resides in the group home for seriously mentally ill adults that I work at. I usually do not write about clients, their lives are very private and not something I care to discuss with the world. But since this was about me and her unique view of me, I wanted to share it and her insanely insightful love advice.

Upon meeting Bess, she immediately began praying for me to find a husband. She has offered assorted advice such as, "Hey, hey pretend to let your car break down and let a man take you home but no sex! No sex on a first date."

And my all time favorite, "Pick up a gardener snake," she makes motion of doing so and throwing it over her shoulder as she smiles coyly, "and then say, 'Hey, look at me. I have a gardener snake.' I swear it will work."

There are days when Bess tells me, "Wow lady, you are one sexy woman. He'll come you just got to believe it.

Ahhh life. What strange twists and turns and drops off the edges of cliffs into the bottom of the "Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" deep well of confusion.

I received a text recently from a man I dated for a moment over a year ago. I was surprised to hear from him and at the same time a bit flattered that he had saved my number. I do not save numbers of former "almost" men I saw simply because I fear I will hit their number in my contacts by accident and have to explain why I called. And besides, what is the point anyway?

So anywho, we have a polite little chat. He asks if I am seeing anyone and I text, "Not at the moment." He says he is seeing someone. I can't quite figure that out so I assume he is merely being "friend-like". Low and behold, today, he texts again and I finally just out right ask why he is texting me if he is seeing someone. His answer is as follows:

"I'm going to be honest here. We are looking to have a threesome and I liked

I have never been good at letting go. It is something I know about myself but don't know how to change.

I hold on to things much longer than most would-longer than is good for me, and long enough to get hurt more than once or twice or a dozen or so times. I am pig headed and stubborn and I have a hard time giving up. I am not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. I think sometimes it is truly both.

When are we supposed to give up on the people we love-if ever? When is the point where we say to ourselves, "I have had enough and now I must walk away"? And does it make us stupid to continue to believe in someone who has stopped believing in us or even in themselves?

Someone, tell me how to do this without regret, without the nagging thought that I threw in the towel too soon, without the wondering of if I had just held on a bit longer maybe everything would have changed. It is hard I think for most people to turn off their feelings, to stop loving someone even when it

Sometimes love comes quietly without a fireworks show. Sometimes it is in the silence, in the normalcy and in the peacefulness that we fall in love. Yet, most of us don't even realize it as we wait for the big ka-bang.

We can see the grandest passion as the ocean, a whirlwind of crashing waves and exotic creatures or we can realize that sometimes love is the quiet of a gentle ripple on a lake. Both can make you seasick if you are floating long enough. The whole point of it is, is that we need to anchor somewhere. We cannot float forever. We hope we don't float forever drifting aimlessly while we wait for the tide to sweep us away into the fantasy we create in our own minds. We need to stop in our quest of only searching for the wildest turbulent emotion to tell us we have love in our life.

I want the quiet lake now. I want the sun setting in the same spot. I want to know that the waves won't erode me or wash me away in a current of feeling-feelings that can last moments

Today is a day when I need to find my simple joys.

Today is a day when I need to look at all the little things that I have experienced that add up to living in a lifetime, because I have been having a day where I have been mourning things I have missed so far. Today is a day when I need to take account for moments that I have been lucky enough to know.

I have made love in a thunderstorm. Not sex, love.

I have held newborn babies in my arms.

I have watched someone cured though I thought they would die from the cure.

I have watched someone die.

I have watched someone survive the deepest tragedy and go on.

I have survived multiple tragedies and I am still kicking.

I have a job that I feel good about going to. I see amazing people every day accomplish things I never imagined was possible.

I saw a shooting star once while I lay on a road because the stars made me dizzy. I shared that experience with my dear old dog. I am not sure if he saw it too.

Reality-check

I hate reality TV.

Someone tell me what is actually real about it. Someone explain how being set up in a mansion, on an island, having all of your bills paid or having a variety of the "perfect" mates at your disposal is reality in any way? Please, I want an answer, if people behave as badly as they can, hurt as many as they can, and show themselves to be selfish and mean, how they wind up being rewarded with their own television show? How did this happen?

I watch TV to escape reality not to watch someones created fake reality. What happened to a story or a plot? Even the "based on true story" movies are making me a bit crazy to see. What happened to brain storming and creativity? I am at a loss as to why so many people are focused on watching such insults to their intelligence. Does anyone actually believe that this is reality?

Here is an eye opener that I try to give my children when they are sucked into the Jersey Shores and Biggest Losers and Survivors. These