Blog Posts by confessions of a lipstick

Since when i was a teen i have always looked up to my older sister
she was the popular girl in high school and also Prom queen
i always wanted to be like her
however being older now and seeing who she truly is
I realize that i admire me more
True beauty comes from within not vanity
growing up she was always so harsh towards me, if i asked to borrow her clothes she would say
"no you will stretch it out"
Now her being "32 i thought that she would be more of an inspiration to me and my other siblings
but on the contrary she still acts like she did when she was a teen
recently she married in Sept
and didn't invite me or my other sister
she did invite all my other family and her friends
What confused me is how the most happiest moment of one's life they can still find a way to
hold on to issues
really?
I only hope, dream, wonder what it would be like to find the love of my life
and she has it all the guy, my parents support, degree, and lacks ?
I learned to find humor out

I live in a too close for comfort complex I however because of certain situations have become
more focused on my home rather than be life of the party
my unit is at the far end however across from me in the other units facing one another so basically one never really has privacy around here
It's funny because when i have friends visit they all say the same comment" wow it's so quiet here"
ya not!
it's like " the hills do have eye 0_0
it's amazing the things that i have heard been said about me
and even more far out when the ones saying them have never even had a conversation with me to know
that i am the last person that should be judged
i won't repeat the lies that are said because i would be giving them more energy

My point is that when you have the center stage on rumors, gossip and lies
the best thing to do is to keep silent and not comment on non sense
better yet even use that as fuel to be a better person

between this year and last i have learned from my mistakes
i

If you notice that the X is towards the end of the Alphabet
And the " A" is in the start
why settle with an "X when it comes to "Love?
when you can achieve an " A+
with an "X it won't ever work, yes you do have the history and all that time that you have
poured into the relationship
but you're not accomplishing anything only a cycle that keeps repeating itself
just like a merry -go-round
you'll end up dizzy with emotions and confused by time you're through trying to understand them
when it's very simple to be determined to get an A+
you deserve to be loved for you
and understood, appreciated, acknowledged for all the little things that the "X couldn't see
with an "X they will never see what they have because their to busy focused on the past
they're an "X for a big reason !

Ask yourself this "do you love to be disappointed?
or Do you like to be amazed with joy?

A fresh start is like a new pair of stilettos : no history, no past, they won't make you fall, they will keep you grounded.
Why hold on to someone that is living in the past ?
in relationships you need the main foundation: Friendship, trust, communication, faith, confidence
With a fresh start with a new partner you have no history, no damage has been done only a new chapter with the opportunity to reach and establish "Love"
The ability to show someone you and be seen, heard, understood and cherished not punished for someone's insecurity and mistakes.
With broken hearts you find out what it is that you don't want and seek what it is that your heart desires as long as you welcome new beginings
just like putting finishing touches to your closet
you must get rid of those old worn out shoes and try on a new pair of stilettos
it will make your feet happy!

About a month ago I was walked home by three known individuals however one of them i didn't know too well
I was intoxicated, the two females walked me upstairs to my room and the male
"waited" outside the following morning I was looking for my glasses and didn't even realise that my laptop was gone!
until a few minutes of doing a double take i went to my neighbor and asked her what happened?
she reassured me that she walked me to my roon with the other neighbor and that the male aquaintance stayed outside
making me question what he did? hmmm i made a phone call to the other neighbor expressing that my laptop was missing and got nowhere or answers
to make the story short i made a police report
and made some serious changes within myself, my surroundings, my circle

I take full resposibility for my choices that led to being in that situation
i couldn't believe that someone would steal from a single parent
my outlook was shaken up, specially because my nature i like to help

Everyone of us goes through a moment in life when we feel hopeless and on the verge of
giving up because we are in the dark
due to burned bridges from others
However don't give up
here are some things that will help you gain control of you

1. Let out your emotions , stress, anger through fitness even if you hate it do it and you will
find that you get a rush of good feelings and giving your mind great ideas.

2. If your dealing with rumors, lies , gossip, stop giving any energy to it, instead help others in any way you can and define you through actions that make you feel great inside
you can do selfless deeds for others or even pay compliments to others it will make their day and you will see a smile=)
3. Patch things up: if you are not on speaking terms with someone communicate and believe me you will be amazed at how wrong they had it in their mind without facts.
4.Don't change who you are! if friends, loved ones, family disappointed you always remember that where they

You can spend your time dwelling about people that have hurt you
or you can spend the day making a difference in someone's life
many people waste their energy with holding on to grudges and assumptions
when if they communicated and heard out the facts
it would open their eyes to see the real you
and not who the world tries to define you as
I had helped my sister for the past months with watching her kids, money, name it
I was there with faith that she was getting her act together
however I noticed that she spend most the day on the couch and yelling at the kids
Soon enough her energy was starting to impact me
making me grouchy,lazy, and turn to alcohol
I started to also notice that she began to not come home and
never helped with cleaning
most of all making me feel like I had no control over my own life
recently we had an argument because she disrespected me
due to her returning to her use of meth
that was the final straw
since she's been gone I have been more

I Always thought i needed someone by my side but when you are lost yourself
you only need you to get you whole again
it's amazing because the ones that claim to have loved
you are the ones that will tear you apart
but that's where many abuse the word" LOVE"
they mistake it as well
because "LOVE is real, unconditional,healthy, amazing
and it sure doesn't abandon you when you need it the most
I'm blessed to have found the "LOVE" within inside of me
to patch up my wounds and not want to numb myself
with alcohol, or a pill
I don't regret anything in life because regardless I know that everyone that crossed my path had
a reason for being their at that moment
you learn things about yourself
and others through relationships
and through obstacles you find your strength
most of all in the solitary moments you still have the
determination to improve your life
no one is worth loosing who you are
and no one is worth holding on to anger,grudges, bitterness
life is worth