By Susan Keats, Contributor & Seize-the-Day Propagandist
I am running down the hall. In the living room there is a party going on and women are dancing to the music. I'm nervous. Very very nervous. One of the women calls to me. Suuuusaaaaan. Its yooooouuurr turrrrnnn! She has a feather boa in her hands and she wants me to shimmy my way into the center of the circle and hoochie koo around with the birthday gal. So instead, I am running down the hall and hiding in the kitchen. Nightmare? No. Totally true. The idea of dancing, letting myself go, being uninhibited in front of a bunch of people I didn't know was so uncomfortable, there was no way I was going to dance at that party. No way. Which is odd, because I love to dance.
Susan dancingOn my way home I thought about my behavior. Why had I done that? Why did the idea of dancing in front of all those people seem to be more awful than fun? I mean… I've been known to do the funky chicken… around the house….in front of my mirror…alone. Don't you do that? I wondered about myself. Is this really you? You can't just be silly and have fun in front of other people? What's THAT about? I cranked up my radio and sang loudly, cabaret style, all the way home. I wasn't much in the mood for self-reflection.
I didn't think about it again until one day my cousin put a very silly hat on my head and suggested that I wear it out. I was instantly mortified. There they were, all those feelings again. I didn't want to feel foolish, ridiculous, embarrassed and self-conscious. I wanted that hat OFF! I didn't want to be the center of attention…what would people think of me?
And there it was. What will people think?
This is why I call cancer the great clarifier and creator of strangeRead More »from My Afterlife Series - Will You Dance at the Party?