Blog Posts by Andrea Frazer, Good Housekeeping

A lot of people I know are divorcing these days. I am not in their shoes, so I would never say, "Do or don't leave."

I, myself, was in a very unhappy marriage for about two seconds twenty years ago. I was a virginal college kid and simply wasn't ready to make that commitment, nor was I emotionally or spiritually bolstered enough to look beyond my immediate needs.

I can say this, though: Not a day goes by when I don't think about that divorce. Being with someone, right or wrong, leaves an imprint on one's heart and soul. This man is one I will never forget, despite not being ready to live a life with. Divorce is brutal.

At forty, though, I am a different person. While at times Rex can drive me nuts, I can honestly say that I am so happy to have him in my life. The devil I know is worse than one I don't know, and really I can't call a non-spontaneous person evil . Rex has his downsides, but so do I.

If I had to narrow it down to five reasons to make my current

I love you for carrying our kids to their beds

I love you for when I am smacking my head...

...Against a hard surface for parenting woes

You smirk and remind me, "That's just how it goes."

I love that you're hit on in Costco and Sears

For having a jawline that puts Clooney to tears

I love that you're honest - I love that you're funny

I think that you're lame for your concern about money

But I admire your ethics... your charm and your grace

I love when I'm cranky, I'm put in my place

I'm elated you'll listen but stand up to me

I'm touched that you're growing and let me be free

To write at this column about our sex life

That ten years ago... you took as your wife

A wacky go-getter who's not from the 50's

But despite all her flaws, you still find her nifty

And when your house is not looking like one from the movies

You'll still cop a feel and say, "Hey, Love, nice boobies!"

I'm pretty lucky with Rex. When he's home with the kids, he's really involved. I can't say he's the person that goes to every party and school function with them (and yeah, that sometimes bugs me) but for the major dance shows and big campus productions, he all over it. As I always say, you can't have it all.

One thing we consistently butt heads on are finances. We do have a budget, but I used to see it as too constricting. It's not like I spent a fortune on extras like hair and nails (once every six months maybe) but I did spend extra on the kids. I wanted them to take extra classes like dance and karate if that was important to them.

I also scheduled monthly health appointments for my son to deal with an issue that I didn't feel our pediatrician handled adequately enough.

This landed me in a little debt. Nothing earth shattering, but more than our budget covered.

The issue, I'm realizing, is not that I owe a bit more on the cards now. In fact, it's not that "I" owe

In this post I wrote about not getting enough home front support husband. Rex was spending a lot of time in the office, leaving me to fend for myself with two rowdy kids. (For the haters out there, no he was not having an affair. Don't you wish he were, though? It would sure put me in my place for asking for more of what I need of which is time, support and a few laughs. God forbid I admit I can't handle everything on my own.)

Speaking of which, I told Rex I needed some more help. Seven years into parenthood I finally woke up from my "you can do it all" coma to realize I didn't have a cape stored underneath my sweat shirt. I did have a ton of field trip permission slips, grocery receipts, and one stale bag of pretzles... just one more reason my life was spiraling away from me and into a very messy "Take care of everyone else and, sadly, you're not doing it very well" vortex.

Rex really stepped up. He now comes home early when he can. My part of the bargain is to not complain

A friend's husband had heart surgery this week. He was in his early thirties. Luckily the procedure went well. He was released twenty four hours later in very stable condition.

Many of us married folks will never undergo the extreme of open heart surgery, but we've had many a heart ache none the less. Perhaps our spouse is consistently losing his job. Maybe he's taken up drinking. What if he's not the parent you expected or, on a smaller note, he's a slob around the house? (How hard is it to hang wet towels anyway?)

Each of the above scenarios is as vastly different as our spouses. What's equally different is how we react to them.

For me, the most difficult quality I've encountered in Rex is his narrow minded work focus. Whether he's painting a house or climbing the corporate ladder, he won't stop until every item on his list is checked off. While this might make him a great provider financially, it's frustrating on an emotional level when I want a partner around to

With a very smart five and seven year old sharing the house with us, Rex and I have to be careful about what we say and do.

This means trading in our pre-children evening attire (that would be our birthday suits) for Ward Cleaver pajamas (Rex) and bulky blue bathrobes (Me).

This means when we drop a plate of freshly made spaghetti all over a freshly mopped floor we shout, Battlestar Galactica style, "Oh, Frak! That's one bloody mess!"

It means that often times we're big, fat, modesty hypocrites and I flash my husband while the kids are in the other room - my one last rebellion against grandma attire.

Sometimes we'll accidentally mutter under our breath, "Oh Fxxx", only to have the two of them dash like white on rice into the kitchen to announce, "You said a bad word! Give us a quarter!" (Shocking that they don't hear "Time for dinner" from five feet away but can sprint like Sandra Bullock to a divorce attorney across the lawn to steal our cash.)

I don't mind.

Many of you know that faith is a pretty big part of my existence. Without being dramatic, I simply could not exist without it. Sure, I'd survive (I'm a fighter) but I would not thrive. I would not have perspective and I certainly would not have peace. (Even with it, peace is hard to come by for an analyzer like myself.)

My husband, on the other hand, is a scientist through and through. If you can't prove it, it doesn't exist. Feelings are less important than logic. The mind takes precedence over the heart.

You might wonder what put the two of us together? Good question. And I have answers.

1. We love each other.

2. We balance each other out.

3. We learn from each other.

4. I have faith that it was "meant to be." On logical level, Rex knows that he needs my softeness for his hard edges. I need his anchor for the rise and fall of my life's nutty ship.

Speaking of hard edges, we had amazing sex this weekend. Some of that stems from the fact that, after

Someone stole my purse out of my car yesterday. I had every single credit card I own in there. I had also left the door open. All that was missing was a sign over my trunk that said, "STEAL MY IDENTIY PLEASE!"

I suppose I should be really irked. After all, spending a day the DMV for a new license is not exactly my idea of an enlightening afternoon. But I'm pretty "Ehhh, whatever" about it. In fact, the only moment of outrage I had was when my credit card company called to tell me that the thieves first stop was Walmart where they spent $350.

Really? The first chance these low lifes have to spend someone else's dough they high tail it to the Big Blue House of Cheap? I'm not saying I haven't shopped there myself on occasion, but with extra money to burn, I'd hit Burke Williams for a nice massage. I'd swing by Nordstroms and purchase a few summer dresses. I'd get a cash advance to hire a website builder to give my writing a home like this inspiring pioneer.

Last night,