Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change.Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change.
If you act on the need to create change, your anger can be channeled effectively; but it's not redirected to something effective, your frustration will build, sometimes to hurricane force.
Anger that is allowed to get out of control is as destructive as a hurricane, but anger that is expressed in healthy ways can "clear the air" just as a mild rainstorm does. If you express your anger clearly and cleanly, without too much drama, it will be like a cleansing rain, leaving you calm and relaxed, and the problem solved.
People who have angry outbursts, whether at spouses or freeway traffic, have poor impulse control. They are often emotionally "stuck" in the early childhood temper tantrum stage (about age 2 1/2 to 3) because they never learned to manage their own anger. Whoever was supposed to help them manage their temper, such as parents or teachers, were absent, intimidated or helpless, and
Blog Posts by Tina Tessina
Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change.Anger is the emotional energy within each of us that rises up when something needs to change.Read More »from Anger: Cleansing Squall or Hurricane?
- Tina Tessina | Love + Sex – Mon, Feb 27, 2012 2:02 PM EST
Dear Dr. Romance:Read More »from Dear Dr. Romance: Do I Tell Him I Can't Be His Friend or Let Silence Speak for Itself?
I'm in need of some serious advice, and I hope you can help. I've been in an extremely long distance relationship with someone for the past year and a half off and on. I live in the US, he lives in Central America. I am 6 years older than he is. I'm studying to be a nurse and he unfortunately doesn't have the funds to do anything. When we started dating I can admit that I was a bit guarded because I didn't want to get my feelings hurt and often put him down. I'm not sure if that caused him to change, but we broke it off. However, he would still email me and call me once in a blue moon to see how I was doing. Then we recently got back together and he kept mentioning to me how he wanted a motorcycle. I told him he doesn't need a motorcycle he needs an education and can use the money he has (which wasn't enough for this motorcycle) and go to school. He became stubborn and I didn't speak to him for a day. I had called him drunk before that discussion and said really
- Tina Tessina | Love + Sex – Thu, Feb 23, 2012 5:53 PM EST
Dear Dr. Romance:Read More »from Dear Dr. Romance: Is it Possible to Love Someone Without Ever Dating Them?
Is it possible to love someone without ever dating them? If so, how can you tell that you are in love?
Yes, it's possible to fall in love without dating. For example, if you have a close friend, classmate, work associate, neighbor or friend of a friend that you have spent time with (without dating) you can become attached. Most of the time, however, loving someone from afar has a strong fantasy component, which can be misleading. You don't really know if it's real love without direct experience of the other person face to face. Also, it won't be lasting love if it's not reciprocal. The following tips will help you figure it out:
Dr. Romance's 3 tips to finding true love:
1. Know the difference between fooling around and building a real relationship. You can mess around with anyone (if you understand the deal and have safe sex) but before you bring someone into your life, or share money or living space, remember they're bringing baggage. Know what's
- Tina Tessina | Parenting – Mon, Feb 20, 2012 5:26 PM EST
(View my YouTube video on this topic here.)Read More »from Dr. Romance Video: Creating a Blended Family when You Have a New Wife
Dr. Romance's 4 tips to smoother step-parenting:
1. Give your blended family a chance to bond. Don't worry if everyone doesn't settle in right away; bonding takes time. Hopefully, you all got to know each other before you moved in together, but the transition to living comfortably together can take time.
2. Have family meetings weekly. Give everyone (kids, too) a chance to share how they feel, what they like and don't like, and ask them to share both positive and negative opinions. Invite suggestions about how to make things better. Shared times, such as mealtimes, are important -- but each person needs a break, too. Don't allow the schedule to be too busy -- plan some time off.
3. Get on the same parenting page. Mom and Dad need to work out parenting methods, rewards, punishments, chores, allowances, bedtimes, homework, etc. Each of your single-parent families is unique, and everyone has to adjust to change. Transition is much easier if
Dear Dr. Romance:Read More »from Dear Dr. Romance: Why Am I Intimidating?
Why am I intimidating? After I start talking to guys and I've hooked up with them, some have told me I am intimidating and they become shy in person. I'm not like scary or creepy or anything. (I'm tall, skinny, blonde hair and blue eyes.) But is there anything I can do to fix that? Is it a bad thing?
You don't appear to have trouble attracting a first date, so I'm going to take a wild guess that you either talk too much about yourself or you argue with whatever the guy is saying. So, try listening more and discussing the issues rather than arguing or objecting. "How to Be Irresistible to your Mate" has guidelines for being more open and cooperative. "Guidelines for Successful Dating" will show you how to get from the first date to many future dates. The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again will answer all your dating questions.
- Tina Tessina | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 14, 2012 3:16 PM EST
Valentine's Day gets a lot of media attention, and it can be hard to avoid. When you don't have a special someone to spend it with, or worse yet, you've just lost a relationship, it can be brutal. If you're alone, it's important to take good care of yourself. Gather your best friends around you and make some special plans to have a wonderful day. Send valentines or personal notes to everyone who means a lot to you. Or, create and celebrate Volunteer Day and use your energy and resources on behalf of people who need your help.Volunteer to tutor students, help at a homeless shelter, or visit wounded veterans in the hospital.Having a plan that makes you happy is the best way to fend off the blues. Get together with friends or family, or go skiing or join a theater production! Make your Valentine's Day a spiritual growth time, attending a ritual or workshop or gathering with close friends instead of being outwith the crowds. If you are clear about what will make the day special for you,Read More »from Dr. Romance's Happiness Tip: Alone on Valentine's Day?
- Tina Tessina | Love + Sex – Thu, Feb 9, 2012 3:01 PM EST
Dear Dr. Romance:Read More »from Dear Dr. Romance: Should I Date My Girlfriend's Best Friend?
I need relationship advice!!!? I have been with my girlfriend for 4 months now and her best friend who's a girl is also my best friend and I'm very close with the best friend. Me and my girlfriend do fight a lot but there are times where I'm in love with her. And me and the friend have talked about a few times what it would be like if we went out and know it would be good because we have similar interests and sense of humor and trust each other so much. But I dont what to do, so a little advice will help
Dr. Romance Replies:
Haven't you learned anything from Tiger Woods or the many other fiascos of men who don't respect their relationships? You're about to create a disaster here. And I really don't understand what her best friend is thinking either. I'm glad she's not my best friend. She's more like a worst enemy.
Either break up with your girlfriend and let some time pass before dating her friend, or just concentrate on fixing the relationship you've got. If you
Introverts can enjoy the parties, too, if they respect who they are and don't let negative fantasies take over. Limit your social engagements to those that are manageable or meaningful to you, and allow plenty of time for being by yourself or with a single friend, if that's what makes you happy. If you're not happy about missing out on all the parties, here are some strategies to help.
It's no surprise that awkwardness, fear and embarrassment arise from a poor self-image. To overcome this problem, recognize that you're not going to please everyone, and that sometimes you'll be disappointed, but it won't kill you. It's also OK not to be the life of the party. Everyone loves a good listener, and just observing and enjoying the atmosphere is a perfectly fine thing to do. Seek out one person you know and like, and focus on enjoying him or her. Also, volunteering to help at the function will give you something to do and you'll feel better. Even if you're walking around picking up the
Dear Dr. Romance:Read More »from Dear Dr. Romance: Am I Single?
My friends were joking that I have never been single, and I argued that I have - but they said my definition of being single was wrong! true, I tend to have long term relationships, but before I met my last boyfriend I was "single" for nearly a year. I define this as not exclusively being in a committed relationship with any one person, but yes I dated a few guys. they say that because I was dating, I wasn't single.... what is your view on this?? (i'll award best answer to someone who supports my argument lol)
The definition of "single" varies. Some people who are getting divorced or already separated identify themselves as single. People also lie and say they're single when they're in a committed relationship or a marriage. I think that what single should mean is that you're not exclusively dating one person, or committed to anyone, or still married, even if you're separated. I don't agree that single means the same thing as celibate. Don't assume
- Tina Tessina | Love + Sex – Mon, Jan 16, 2012 6:50 PM EST
Dr. Romance writes: Many people ask me, "How will I know if I'm in love?"Read More »from Dr. Romance: When Love is Kind: Mutuality in Relationships
Answer: Anyone who's in love usually knows it; the real question should be are we mutually in love, or am I wasting my time? If you want to be secure in your primary relationship, knowing how to create mutuality and work together greatly increases the chance that you'll make it as a couple. When I'm counseling couples on the verge of divorce, it's amazing how establishing mutuality allows the love to come back.
Mutuality Prevents Heartache
Hundreds of years ago, a Renaissance bard wrote:
When Love is kind, cheerful and free, Love's sure to find welcome from me. But should Love bring heartache and pang, Tears and such things, Love can go hang.
Love that is not mutual is the kind that brings "heartache and pang"-and can leave you wondering how you ever left yourself open for such agony.
Mutual love, however, means you can feel secure that you both love and are loved equally, and are approximately equal in your