Isn't it amazing how a beautiful child can stop us in your tracks? Last spring, I volunteered at my son's school and while I was surrounded by twenty-five rambunctious 3rd graders, my eyes were drawn to one gorgeous 8-year-old girl. A child who no doubt elicits a similar reaction in most adults and probably gets told how pretty she is on a fairly regular basis.
Admittedly, my eyes weren't drawn to the awkward little girl with tangled hair and glasses. No, they were drawn to her tall, slender friend with great coloring and perfect bone structure. And honestly, I didn't feel very good about that.
But it's natural for us to be enamored by beauty (even in a child). We're human and human beings are aesthetic creatures. We love all things beautiful...beautiful art, beautiful homes, and beautiful sunsets.
The problem is, how many beautiful women have you met that are...well, completely boring? It's almost as if they never had to develop their personality. Why? Because their beauty generated enough interest from others so there was never any need to. And Cool Broads are many things, but they are most definitely NOT BORING.
Howard Stern even extolled the benefits of dating a beautiful girl who used to be an ugly duckling (and you know he must've made an interesting point because I'd rather yank out a clump of hair than quote Howard Stern). He argued that women who haven't always been gorgeous tend to be more interesting and less likely to act like someone who knows she's beautiful (which I took to mean not nice).
Society's attitudes toward beauty are so incredibly interesting and their impact on human development is so complex, and I'm no expert. But I do know that I'd like to raise my two boys to value more than just beauty.
Let me ask you this...when your child comes home from school and mentions a little boy or girl that they like, is your first response, "Is he cute?" or "Is she pretty?"
I've done it (and hate to admit it, because come on, that ain't cool). But now, I try really hard to ask, "Is she fun to be around?" or "Does she make you laugh?" Because this Cool Broad IS NOT going to raise any modelizers.
And I have no idea how you gals with daughters do it. Do you tell your child how beautiful she is, hoping to foster a healthy self-esteem, or do you avoid complimenting your child on something that really is beyond her control, and something she doesn't have to work at (because chances are, others will let her know that she was born lucky)?
Obviously, we all want for our children to be confident and happy, but I also want my kids to be perceptive, empathetic, and interesting. Unfortunately, there seems to be a lot of grey area with respect to how to go about raising them that way.
But growing up with a strong sense of self might just be the most valuable gift we could ever give our kids. So how do you go about doing that? What are your thoughts?
~tcb
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