Is it okay for brides to dictate what their bridesmaids wear beyond the dress?

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  Posted by Jett Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:57am PDT

  I think it's OK, within reason. I realize it's the bride's "special day," but seriously, does it matter whether or not the bridesmaids do their own makeup or choose their preferred style of shoes?

  At my wedding, the only things I required of my maids was that they wear identical dresses. That was it. They could choose their shoes, as long as they chose silver ones. They could style their hair however they wanted (it was too rushed the morning of the wedding, so we did not get our hair done professionally,) and though I gifted them each a necklace I did not require that they wear them at the wedding.

  At my brother's wedding the bride required that we wear identical dresses and have some sort of up 'do, except a pony tail. We chose silver shoes of our preference, etc. She gave us each necklace and earrings to wear.

  I think that's the best method. It's pretty ridiculous to force people into heels if they don't like heels, or make everyone wear a bun, if that hairstyle doesn't suit all. Gone are the days when traveling brides needed to have a swarm of clones around them for protection against attackers. There's no need for the bridesmaids to look completely identical when chances are they couldn't even if they DID wear all the same stuff.

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  Posted by FallingSpider Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:04pm PDT

  I remember being a flowergirl in a couple of weddings, back some 20-25 years ago. (suddenly I feel old) When my aunt got married, she made us all wear the same nail polish and i don't remember anyone batting an eyelash at it.

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  Posted by Holly Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:06pm PDT

  I think, if it matters that much to the bride then the bridesmaids should accommodate her. My bridal party (except for my maid of honor) were horrible and made me regret asking them. I would have tried to pick nicer hairstyles (not matching) for them, but they weren't worth the trouble.

  one of my bridesmaids didn't even finish wearing her gown throughout the wedding. talk about tacky.

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  Posted by JollyGreenMidget Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:20pm PDT

  I told my bridesmaids to just find a dark green dress they liked. Originally, I gave them a selection of 6 or 7 dresses from the same line and told them to pick their favorite and get it in hunter green. Then, suddenly, about 5 of my choices were no longer available. Grr. So I told my girls to find any dark green dress they wanted, I preferred it be long, but if they really wanted a short one, that was ok-though I did remind them it was a winter wedding and they might be very cold in a short dress. One thing I did request that was that they not wear high heels. I am really short and I didn't think that request was terribly unreasonable. One of my girls even commented that she was happy to wear comfy ballet flats. She could dance all night in them.

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  Posted by S Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:26pm PDT

  Well, I think it's kind of fascist, myself. Why would you want your friends to be clones anyway? Sure, make them wear the dress/shoes of your choice - but beyond that? If you love and respect them enough to be ask them to be in your wedding party, you should love and respect them as the unique individuals they are. Sorry, just my opinion.

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  Posted by Shivers Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:29pm PDT

  First of all, I don't understand the brides who force their bridesmaids into hideous dresses that aren't flattering to all the girls in their party. Yes, I realize that most likely there won't be a single style dress that will suit everyone's body type...but if that happens then the bride should be considerate and let the ladies pick out dresses with a style that suits them and then maybe keep the same color as everyone else or have everyone pick a different color. The bmaids are paying for these dresses so the bride should be considerate. Aside from that, even if the bride is a 'zilla the bmaids should at least be cordial in making alternate suggestions to the bride in question instead of getting all mean and demanding to have a different updo or nail color. It is the bride's day - so at least be nice to her if you are a good enough friend to be in her party you should want to be respectful. Basically, everyone should pay attention to each other's wants...but in the end the bride has the final decision on what goes down...and no one should throw a hissy fit about it.

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  Posted by superkate Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:34pm PDT

  I was in a wedding where we had the same dress but different pastel colors. Shoes were the exact same color, style and 3" heal length, nails exact same color (pastel green), hairstyle was curly and half pulled up for everyone (all 6 girls) and makeup was either green or purple pastel eye makeup. Half of the girls looked ridiculous and the us other half were so uncomfortable. My wedding I didn't bother with bridesmaids I had my 2 nieces be the flower/ring girls. My mom made their dresses and I let them pick out how they wanted them as long as they were white eyelight lace. Other than that I didn't care. I wanted them to be comfortable and match me. Our pictures turned out awesome and we had a really good time. Also we didn't waste a bunch of money on something that we would never wear again like the aforementioned pastel bombshell. Gawd we looked horrible. At least now I can look back and laugh at the pictures of the pastel nightmare. Haha

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  Posted by becca Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:44pm PDT

  I think that's really mean. I think the best thing for a bride to do when it comes to bridesmaids is to pick a color for the dress, and let them choose with her approval. And I say pick a color for the shoes and let them decide what shoes they want to wear. As for dictating everything else, that doesn't work for me either. I mean, if I was a bridesmaid and the bride wanted me to wear somthing that made me uncomfortable, I just might consider not going.

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  Posted by Lanie Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:50pm PDT

  I was completely the opposite. My sisters were my bridesmaids and they kept asking me if I wanted them to wear this or do that and I just kept saying "you be comfortable and like how you look, I don't care" and I really didn't. That day wasn't about looking perfect, I just wanted to celebrate my marriage!

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  Posted by M.J - Fierce Beauty and Fashion Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:06pm PDT

  Being a future bride myself, I am very relaxed when it comes to my maids. All I did was pick a few dresses and the color and had them make sure they look good in it. My motto is "As long as it looks good!" Other than that, I could care less! I trust my girls to the fullest so I don't have to micromanage them whatsoever! I think its unfair for a bride to act like that. She has to remember that they are investing as much as they can to make her day special.

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