Moms Dying for Beauty: What Is Going on Here???

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  Posted by spotty Sun Oct 18, 2009 6:37pm PDT

  Terrific article. Women are usually their own worst enemies and this topic needed to be brought out. If only we could all draw strength from a great role model like your Grammy. I have often wished for such a female touchstone in my life, but was surrounded more by beauty seekers and negative gossipy types. So I have decided to not buy into these false ideals, be kind to other women, and try to focus on those things in life that are really important. Women have certain powers that we would be wise not to ignore. Today's society is not a growth place for independance, but a lesson in conformity to a barbie doll standard. But we don't have to BUY it!!!!

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  Posted by Robyn Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:44pm PDT

  i love me and everythings that comes with it.....even my c and dd breasts

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  Posted by Erin Sun Oct 18, 2009 8:30pm PDT

  Don't make nasty comments about women who want to look hot or make money; it's just as bad as women who make nasty comments about women who are stay-at-home moms. Women, like men, should be able to choose to do whatever they want with their lives, be it paid work, motherhood, or whatever else. If people would stop being so damn high and mighty about their own points of view and instead live out their lives in the fashion that makes them happy, we wouldn't have to have this conversation. Personally, I don't really want to be a mother. I have no desire to reproduce, and it would be a disservice to my child to have him or her in the first place. I'm getting my degree in graphic design, and I plan on going into design and marketing. I want a salary, and there's nothing wrong with that. I do agree that it's sad that women feel so much pressure from society to look a certain way, but why take that pressure off only to pile on another kind: that they're terrible mothers if they take a wee bit of time for themselves or to visit the gym. (Has it occurred to you that exercise releases endorphins in your brain and makes you happier? There are LOTS of reasons for going to the gym, and it's ridiculous to assume that everyone there is working out only because they're vain. Exercise has a long list of health benefits, and if you die at 35 from a heart attack because you're overweight, you'll no longer be there for your children at all.) I also find your claim about "feminine energy" rather ridiculous. How about just energy? Why do women have to cook? My fiance is a FABULOUS cook, has tons of energy when he's in the kitchen, and I'd much rather eat his cooking than mine. He doesn't have "masculine energy," he just has energy, no need to gender the term. It's a social construction anyway, and a pretty useless one at that. So far, it seems it has only been used to propagate prejudice and provide an excuse to mistreat each other. Sex isn't always that clear either: plenty of people are born with two X chromosomes and one Y. Do those people have "transsexual energy?" How about we all just do what makes us happy, and stop worrying about controlling other people's lives.

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  Posted by TCB Sun Oct 18, 2009 11:33pm PDT

  horrible. I stopped reading when you blamed women being obsessed with their looks on feminism and capitalism.

  Deciding to stay home and bake bread is hardly expressing "feminine energy" as it is nothing but conforming to social gender roles and stereotypes.

  You might wanna read up on what feminism really is before you go complaining it's the reason why women are risking their lives for liposuction.

  The fact that in America (as opposed to many European countries) being a stay at home mom isn't a paying job is a result of our male dominated society deciding that.

  Pick up a book.

  Preferably one written by a woman :-)

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  Posted by cindy Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:02am PDT

  shouldn't we be able to be happy no matter how we choose to look or live? I agree that there is an extreme both ways. Back in the old days, women relyed on men to go out and work and they had the time to stay home and bake bread and watch the children. But today that is not the only choice women have, but as your out in the workplace and out of the house more, and TV especially has warped our minds to compete to be the hotter mom.I am not sure what capitalism has to do with it but it is a different culture now than how our grandparents grew up. I think it is unfortunate too that we can barely make dinner any more let alot bread and wonderful desserts, but O well. But on the topic this was originally meant for, women are choosing surgery to be hot, it is surgery people, there are tons of risks with it. I for one would not choose to have surgery, too scary!Unless is was medically necessary. I have watched those Dr. 90210 shows and I just dont know how people do it. Ugh.

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  Posted by liliflowers Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:25am PDT

  Looking dowdy should be considered feminine? What if a man looked dowdy? Face it, the way you appear to others shows how much you respect yourself. People who are fat and unhealthy make that lifestyle choice, as do people who work out and are healthy. Plastic surgery is a choice, and I am sure this woman who died carefully considered her options. No one just wakes up one morning and heads to the plastic surgeon's. There are consultations and all sorts of other things to consider. All surgery is a risk, whether you are having a boob job or a c-section, there is always a risk of infection, complications, whatever! Also, times have changed. It's one hell of a struggle to raise a kid in a household with one income - whether the man is working and mom stays home or a mother is raising a kid by herself. If anyone is so priveleged to be a stay at home mom, how boring! How horribly mind-numbing! Who wants to watch Blues Clues all day and clean? Forget it. I think women are in a good place in society now, more or less. If a woman wants to look good, she has a right to that choice.

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  Posted by Arizona Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:04am PDT

  I think the point of her article was that while the feminist movement has opened doors for women...it's brought about some rather sad changes as well. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel good as a mother for goodness sake just as there's nothing wrong if you want to be a stay at home mom who enjoys baking and sewing!

  Surgery will ALWAYS carry risks. It's just sad that we feel so compelled to be beautiful and perfect to stay ahead in life that we would put our lives on the line for it.

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  Posted by VictoriaB Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:18am PDT

  Why can't a woman spend sometime at the gym AND read to her children. There's nothing wrong with a little "me" time and personal maintenance for moms. Maybe the mom who spends two hours at the gym comes home feeling refreshed and ready to tackle her (many!) other responsibilities. Women shouldn't have to sumit to looking dowdy all the time in order to be considered good mothers.

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  Posted by AMBER C Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:25am PDT

  i agree with az_sweetie01: the point here is the upsides and pitfalls of the women's movement and how sad it is that people risk their lives to undergo procedures that are unnecessary. as women we should have the right to look any way we want, whether it be dowdy or super-trim, and live our lives as we choose.

  what i find sad is that society makes it seem important to keep the body of an 18 year old even after having a few kids and an actual life. i feel like it's a trap, a way to keep people (but particularly women) obsessed with their looks and their minds off of more important matters. sort of what c.s. lewis might have meant in the screwtape letters.

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  Posted by JCos Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:09pm PDT

  Dr. Walsh I find your views ridiculous and closed minded. I think that as an educated woman your article does nothing but bring women down further. We did not lose the feminine right to look dowdy, however your article makes it shameful to not look dowdy. First, I partly agree with your statement that women are mostly valued for sexuality and success. I However don't see what is wrong with that. At least we are now valued for success outside of the home. As for your comment about working out 2 hours at the gym instead of reading to your children, you sound very uneducated because women are able to work out if they so well chose and still read to there children. Maybe instead of spending time making homemade bread they work out. Still time to read. It absurd to think that 2 hours in the gym is as bad as death from cosmetic surgery. Second, as a psychologist I would think that you understand we still live in a society where in the majority of households men still hold all the power. Working out is a way for women to keep some power. Anything we can do to better ourselves we should embrace. Third, for every death you can find on plastic surgery, I could match to a woman who died from heart disease from baking, perserving, and roasting. You can have your right to look dowdy if I can have my right not to.

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