Open Letter to Oprah

Dear Oprah,

I wanted to be the first to tell you that it is time for you to retire from your daily talk show. I know this may seem shocking but it is best that you do it now before it becomes awkward and embarrassing for everybody. You've had a long run on day-time television, but that run is over.

Somewhere between Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle you lost your credibility. You have introduced us to and fully endorsed every spiritual guru since the early 90's and I can insure you that my inner chi is centered. You've explored and practiced every dieting trend from low-fat to Acai berry. We've met all of your professional nutritionists from Rosie to Bob Greene. And you know what? We're all still fat, just like you.

As fellow single women we clamored to listen to your relationship advice espoused from every expert you discovered, Dr. Phil to Marianne Willimason. Where most of us got married, you maintained your single status. This was okay until you proclaimed that women get married in order to insure financial security and thus your lack of desire to be married. If you think that financial security is the only reason women get married, well, you don't understand marriage.

I cannot relate to building a school in South Africa, driving across country with my best friend, or wearing $200 high heels to work. I do not have the money to hire a personal chef, or a personal trainer. I do not have even fifteen minutes in my day to reflect on the importance of my life or what makes me happy. I definitely don't understand the challenge of decorating multiple homes.

The final straw was your interview with Heather Armstrong (Dooce). Oprah, she is the largest mommy blogger on the internet and you mention her blog in passing - like it is a funny little hobby. As if it is somehow tangential to her book? Oh my.

Oprah, you were my friend. You were my personal expert guiding me through my life, but now, well, you've become a stranger. Your life and your problems no longer resemble anything in my own life. We've grown apart.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye. Thanks for the years Oprah, but it is now time for you to slink off into the good night.

Regards,
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