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Friday, December 4, 2009

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The Most Outrageous Beauty Product Claims Ever

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Here at The Frisky, we love our beauty products. Discovering a magical moisturizer that makes one’s skin smoother than a baby’s bottom is akin to Christmas morning giddiness. That’s why when a beauty product fails to live up to its exalted claims, we’re more like depressed kittens. Rather than sulk and skulk, we’ve found an antidote: Cosmedicine is sponsoring the “Protest Beauty BS” video contest . The gist is that you create a video which spoofs an “unrealistic or misleading skincare advertisement.” (Contenders are, however, prohibited from using any real false products. Legal reasons?) Contestants can upload their videos beginning August 4th until September 14th. As if you need any incentive, there’s also a cash prize of … $5,000! Inspired by this most brilliant challenge, we put on our Nancy Drew hats and did a thorough investigation into beauty and skincare products that claim to do the miraculous but seem to leave you with zilch. Click on to journey through the murky waters of the most outrageous false advertising this side of the sun.

-- Ali Jawin for The Frisky
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    • The Bust Up Cream, a breast firming and enlarging herbal cream, is one of a kind. The claims are what you would expect: bigger and firmer boobs in one week by rubbing said cream on once or twice a day. The dubious ingredients are pueraria mirifica extract, collagen protein, honey, ginseng root extract, and royal jelly. Not entirely sure what royal jelly is, but let’s move on to bigger (no pun intended) and greater concerns. How does honey make your breasts inflate? Isn’t ginseng supposed to cure colds or something?
    • We are still trying to wrap our brains around the Intimate Tightening Serum, the “Vaginal Tightening Serum for Women.” The ingredients are sorta kooky: allantoin (protects against inflammation and irritation), dipotassium glycyrrhizate (anti-inflammation, anti-allergic, anti- irritation), palmitoyl pentapeptide4 (micro-collagen, restores collagen and elastin to the skin), soy bean extract (firms and tightens the vagina naturally), and tricosan (anti–microbial). But the real reason why this product is BS is the application method is so complex that even if the ingredients work magic, they’ll never get the chance. According to the makers: “Use 1 to 2 times daily, morning and/or night after bath and 15- 20 minutes before sex. Squeeze the dropper and release to extract the serum. Insert into the vagina and squeeze the dropper to let the serum in. Contract the muscle for a while to let the serum stay in as long as possible. No need to wash out before having sex.” A logistical nightmare if we ever saw one.
    • So rarely does one find a product of such absurdity and genuine health risks that we were almost tempted to consider the F-Cup Tea was a mirage. Indulge in a calming cup of tea while simultaneously growing DD breasts?! The tea contains “20mg of dandelion extract to stimulate your female hormones and promote a shapely female body.” We usually don’t like to throw chunks of the label at you, but the warning was too good not to share:
    • The Finale Whitening Cream is in an unusual league of it’s own. Before we get into the bogus “science,” let’s talk about how odd this product is in the first place. This whitening cream is used in the vain hope of lightening your arm pits and groin area. We get the hair removal thing, but this product does not remove unsightly hairs down there. It just whitens the skin. By our calculations wouldn’t that make the hair more noticeable? The product claims to “lighten dark spots while removing dead skin cells gradually within 4 weeks.” Isn’t that a fancy pants way of saying “exfoliation”? The promises get even more dubious when the ingredient are listed: tamarind extract, emblic extract, ipomoea extract, aloe vera extract, AHA, vitamin E, squalene, and allantoin. Most of these ingredients are fruit based, which is fantastic for fighting colds. We’ll give ‘em that.
    • We give kudos to Smart Double For Men for sheer advertising audacity. This might look like your average Viagra-esque sex life enhancer except it is so much less. Apparently by rubbing this cream on once or twice a day and a few minutes before sex, men will be better lovers, last longer, etc. Unfortunately, the ingredients in this product are so tame, they’ll do little more than decrease the size of your wallet.
    • We didn’t even know that such a thing as Pinknipple Cream existed. (Is there a mass explosion of female insecurity regarding the pinkness of their nipples?) According to the label, Pinknipple (shouldn’t that be two words?) Cream “conditions the nipples, leaving them pink and fresh. With a mixture of natural herbal extracts, it helps lighten dark spots while removing dead skin cells and revealing new, pinker skin gradually within 4 weeks. Vitamin E, squalene, and allantoin are added to make your skin even more smooth and supple. Pinknipple Cream can be used for a long time and your nipples will not turn darker than before if discontinued. Hypoallergenic, clinically tested.” Great, because the only thing worse than unpink nipples would be even unpinker nipples. None of these products have anything to do with lightening skin tone, and on that note, can you even lighten your nipples sans bleach? Ick.
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The Bust Up Cream, a breast firming and enlarging herbal cream, is one of a kind. The claims are what you would expect: bigger and firmer boobs in one week by rubbing said cream on once or twice a day. The dubious ingredients are pueraria mirifica extract, collagen protein, honey, ginseng root extract, and royal jelly. Not entirely sure what royal jelly is, but let’s move on to bigger (no pun intended) and greater concerns. How does honey make your breasts inflate? Isn’t ginseng supposed to cure colds or something?

NanoMed

Related: wtf, weird, oddball, fake, breasts, boobs, beauty products

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 11
  • Rachel's Avatar
    Posted by Rachel Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:40pm PDT

    Haha, those products were hilarious! I really wonder who buys this stuff (or thinks it is necessary)!

    Report Abuse
  • Katie B's Avatar
    Posted by Katie B Wed Jul 22, 2009 12:58pm PDT

    Ha ha ha... I love how these products put on their boxes nanotechnology to make them look like they are scientifically accurate... *lol*

    Report Abuse
  • Superwoman's Avatar
    Posted by Superwoman Wed Jul 22, 2009 1:09pm PDT

    These products are stupid

    Report Abuse
  • Jennifer's Avatar
    Posted by Jennifer Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:36pm PDT

    What's next fading nipple cream? It'll go with the no eyebrow look.

    Report Abuse
  • AMBER C's Avatar
    Posted by AMBER C Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:42am PDT

    I know I'm always concerned my nipples aren't as pink as they could be and my armpits have been lacking a certain whiteness as of late...Now what to do about my earlobe spots?

    Report Abuse
  • Emily's Avatar
    Posted by Emily Thu Jul 23, 2009 6:52pm PDT

    ha ha! boob cream! no, ginseng is for making tea that's good for when you have a cold.

    Report Abuse
  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:48pm PDT

    When I was 14, my 16 y.o. sister sent away for a "breast enhancer". Came in a small yellow envelope. It was two thick rubber bands you werer supposed to stretch between your thumbs. LOL Didn't work.....

    Report Abuse
  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:49pm PDT

    Read in a medical encyclopedia that rubbing olive oil into your breasts would make them grow, too. Didn't work.....

    Report Abuse
  • andra's Avatar
    Posted by andra Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:38am PDT

    Pinknipple cream? What. The. Hell.

    Report Abuse
  • Joseph's Avatar
    Posted by Joseph Mon Jul 27, 2009 3:53am PDT

    these products always leave me wonderin the nxt 1 we'll have.BT DO THEY REALLY WORK.u're left wondering!!!?

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 11

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