Unoriginal-but-useful story of the day: 5 ways to find the perfect pair of jeans

A few years ago, while standing in my underwear in the middle of a poorly lit dressing room, sweating, a pile of discarded denim staring up at me, an annoyed pin-skinny sales girl asking through the door if I needed help with yet another size/style/brand, I looked at myself in the mirror and had a hard, long, inconsolable, embarrassing cry. I despised buying jeans. But I needed them. In fact I wore them more than any other garment I own. But unlike, say, looking for tops or cute coats, the jeans quest always made me feel vulnerable and self-conscious and sad. And I wanted to move beyond it. I wanted to solve this stupid retail mystery and feel empowered. Ultimately I just wanted to find something that would make my butt look good. I bet you feel the same. Here, a foolproof guide to finding the perfect pair.

1. Seek professional help. Many department stores have denim bars equipped with kindly “denim experts” who can quickly and not condescendingly scan your body and make recommendations. If you want to endure this process in private, search engines like zafu.com have online jeans’ quizzes that allow you to plug in your specific body issues and your style and then spit out at least a half a dozen pairs (in a range of price points) that suit your needs.

2. Pick a store with a great selection. Though small shops can be great, on your initial quest, you really want the option of LOTS of brands. Do your research before you go. Call the store and ask if they have a separate denim department and even inquire about the number of labels (50 would be excellent).

3. All cuts are not for everyone. I hate to break this to you (and myself): We can’t all wear skinny jeans. But we can wear trouser cuts, wide-leg, straight leg, boot cut, extra long, etc, etc. There’s a really good body shape/denim style matcher here.

4. Go for a clean design and choose the right wash. After enduring an exhaustive hunt, the worst thing that could happen is your ideal jeans go out of style next year. To avoid this, stay away from trendy details and embellishments—like “whiskering,” extra zippers, bedazzlements, weird pockets, etc—at ALL COSTS. As a rule, a dark wash will always be more versatile and forgiving.

5. If all else fails, customize. Companies like mejeans.com and Indie Denim let you plug in your measurements and choose your preferred cut and wash and send the jeans directly to your doorstep. Best of all, they save your preferences, so you can order another pair in a flash.

Related posts on Shine:

How to save your favorite pair of black jeans

Tips on how not to fall into the "mom jeans" trap

Searching for the perfect pair of underwear

Is this ugly? Skinny jeans on men