What they wore: The pretty, the confusing and the sad at Cannes

Oh, Cannes. A fancy film festival on the glamorous French Rivera that now shows films like Kung Fu Panda . But who cares, right? As long as big-name celebrities get dressed up, have their pictures taken and we get to talk about what they wore. After the jump, five days worth of pretty, confusing and downright sad red carpet outfits.









The Pretty:
Let's just get this out in the open: Angelina Jolie
never looks bad. Period. It's actually freakish
and cruel to the rest of us humans. But I
especially think she looks beautiful and
clean-faced happy here.


























It's too much. I don't even really love this green
dress (it's fine. it's drapey. bleh), but, even six
months pregnant, the lady knows how to work it.


























Oh, Cate Blanchett. You slay me. Look at
your perfectly interesting, elegant dress.
And the necklace. And the easy-going hair.


























Kristin Scott Thomas! Where have you been?
I missed you. And may I say you look fetching
in your red lipstick and amazing blue gown?


























I have no idea who actress/model Bojana Panic
is, but I do know I would like to steal her hair.


























I'd usually feel scared of a shiny, solid-gold,
off-the-shoulder caftan. But I must say, nicely
done Linda Evangelista. You are permanently hot.



























The Confusing:
I love Julianne Moore, but something is
wrong with this dress. It's really, truly almost
pretty, but then...there are Big Bird feathers
next to her head.


























Hmmm. What do we think of this? I'm insane
over the green color and all of the detailing.
But I wonder about Salma Hayek's Frida hair
and maybe...maybe..the dress is too long for
her petite frame?


























Gillian Anderson looks confused in this picture
and I think I know why: She's wondering, as I
am, if this knotted, drop-waist style is sexy
or just the kind of a tube-sack thing you'd throw on
to go to the beach.


























I know Goldie Hawn is really cool. But I
also think this dress is too—I'M SORRY GOLDIE
—young for her and should be a different color,
like maybe a gold or deep red.


























Dear Gwyneth Paltrow, You look fantastic. But
can you please explain your weird new fetish with
violent-seeming, bondage-looking shoes?
Because it makes me confused.




















































The Sad:
We don't know each other, Lady Victoria Hervey,
but still I feel it's my job to tell you that this is
no dress for a lady.


























Look, Soon Yi. I know it must be weird to be married
to your kind of dad. But you can't let the old man
dress you too.


























Here's my hypothesis about Eva Longoria's
dress: She saw it on the Ice Capades and thought,
"That would be perfect! I wonder if they could
make it longer?"


























No, no, no, Bianca Jagger. I hate to make
an example of you, but hoodies—no matter
if rendered in velvet and adorned with gilded
rosettes—will never pass as formal wear.


























For the past few seasons, I've been in a war
against bubble skirts and this is a perfect example
of why: This hot pink number looks like
it wants to swallow pretty Rachel Leigh
Cook alive.