Spring Fashion Week brought out a feast of freaky footwear. We’ve heard that fashion is pain, but this is ridiculous.
- Erin Donnelly, BettyConfidential.com
It’s not often that we feel pity for a gorgeous supermodel, but we’ll confess to a pang or two of sympathy after seeing some of the head-scratching, laws-of-physics-defying, and just plain crazy footwear those catwalkers wore while miraculously strutting down the runway this season. The Spring 2010 shows delivered a slew of wacky shoes that prove that Crocs may not be the worst footwear idea after all (don’t get excited — we said may). Behold, a few standouts.
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1. You Call This Evolution?
Alexander McQueen 2010 shoes
Alexander McQueen’s Spring 2010 collection was inspired by Charles Darwin’s The Origin of Species, but the only species we can think of after setting eyes on his death-defying snakeskin and gem-covered booties is some weird breed of My Little Ponys mated with a ballet troupe. Between the nearly 90-degree sole, 12-inch heel, horseshoe-shaped arch, this shoe is guaranteed to put your podiatrist’s kids through college.
2. Everything But the Kitchen Sink
Anuj Sharma 2010 shoes
We’re “straining” to see the appeal of Indian designer Anuj Sharma’s cutlery-enhanced sandals. Call us hygiene freaks, but there’s just something about feet and tools used in food preparation that don’t belong together...
3. In Need of a Serious Trim
Louis Vuitton 2010 shoes
Well, here’s one way to afford designer shoes. Skip on pedicures and you might one day be able to splash out on the latest mules and monogrammed boots by Louis Vuitton. With their furry “beard” embellishments, you’ll never need to pay for a pedi again. But beware of small dogs trying to hump your designer-clad feet.
4. Just Add Water?
Viktor & Rolf 2010 shoes
We’ve heard of green thumbs, but a garden trellis for your shins is something else. Everything’s coming up roses — literally — with Viktor & Rolf’s sickly sweet cut-out boot/heel combo (seriously, what’s that about?). Gives a whole new meaning to the term “lady garden,” doesn’t it?
5. A New Way to Do Housework
Bernard Chandran 2010 shoes
You could use a Swiffer it around the house... or you could just strap on these black Bernard Chandran feather dusters and sweep with every step. Just don’t be alarmed if a pigeon tries to mate with you.
6. Registered as Lethal Weapons?
Basso & Brooke 2010 shoes
Forget the Nike swoosh — Basso & Brooke’s Spring 2010 show offered up booties accented with lightning bolt-style heels jutting out in back. That’ll teach those tailgaters.
7. A Step in the Wrong Direction
Versace 2010 shoes
Turns out it is possible to have too much of a good thing. These double-decker heels by Versace may be impossibly glam, but they’re also impossible to step into without the aid of a ladder. How those models made it down the runway is beyond us.
8. Some Assembly Required?
Osman 2010 shoes
Is it just us, or do these funky Osman heels look like they should come with instructions from IKEA? Step one: Find two wooden bookends...
9. Not So Light On Your Feet
Prada 2010 shoes
We like shiny things as much as the next gal, but the shaggy crystal-strewn shoes on the Prada runway look like they got recycled from an old chandelier. Not to mention heavy — you’d probably need an elaborate pulley system just to cross your legs.
10. Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid
Gabriella Marina Gonzalez 2010 shoes
Designer Gabriella Marina Gonzalez has described her collection as being for the “emotionally dispossessed.” We say, Frankenstein’s monster called, and he wants his shoes back.
Erin Donnelly is a London-based fashion writer who has written for StyleList and Refinery 29.
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