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For a fleeting moment we thought you were cute on Newlyweds. Yeah, we bought into your whole “is this chicken or fish” blonde ditz routine. For a minute. By the time you broke your ex-hubby’s heart (Nick Lachey, are you out there? Are you still dating wannabe-celeb Vanessa Minnillo?) and were traipsing around the set of Dukes of Hazzard with Johnny Knoxville we were over it. Your hideous attempts at fashion and beauty lines coupled with that Pizza Hut commercial with the Nancy Sinatra spin-off—“These Bites Were Made for Poppin’”—were really the last straw. Oh and we’ll never really forgive you for helping ponchos and Uggs rise to fame.
Now you’re shoving your new country album, Do You Know, down our faces and it sucks. You’re being booed off the stage. Dallas Cowboy fans think you’ve jinxed their team by dating quarterback Tony Romo. You’re starting beef with one of country music’s biggest stars, Carrie Underwood, because she’s a vegetarian who once dated your boyfriend. I mean... even your lip-synching younger sister Ashlee is more likable right now. Can’t you take the hint? We mean this in the nicest way possible, but it might be time to disappear for a while. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your man and let someone else be in the spotlight for a moment. If even Paris Hilton knows when to fall back, we’re sure you can do it too.
Do you think Jessica Simpson needs a break?
