I once swore to myself that I would never succumb to the shiny evil lure that mp3 players magically possessed. I told everyone that they could shove their tiny iPods, Nano's, thingymajiggymusicalnonsenseplayers up their, well arses, because I was sticking to my faithful discman. Sure it skips during playback of newer cd's, but it would never crash, go blank, freeze, need recharging, need additional software or best of all, never make me look like an idiot for not knowing how to work the silly thing!
Nonetheless that all changed. My daughter bought me a 2gb Nano iPod (sounds like something from mars doesn't it?) player as a present. I didn't know what to do with it at first, that evil, hypnotic...thing that just sat in the corner of my room for months!
I tried my very hardest to steer away from all that was so simple and sleek. One day out of sheer curiousity and the fact that I could not find any working batteries for my discman, I plugged that tiny black mini alien player in.
It was like touching gold. So capable, so efficient, so new! There were so many songs on that tiny little thing, how do they do that? This nano had a scroll function, no skipping or scratching through my favorite song from nickleback, it told time, made cute beep noises if I did something unauthorized or allowed me to upload all the really cool bands from my computer! Who knew! I was hooked and worse, possessed by the nano!
I happily jumped aboard the "I got an iPod" wagon and was not ashamed to flash my new toy on any public transport, airplane or train, scrolling up and down to myhearts delight with a "hmmmming" and "aaaaahing" to the countless musical choices available just by pressing a small little touchpad with my finger. This truly was from another world!
Well...it had to happen...that has all since changed. My 2gb "nano-nano-ipodee-thingee is now sitting back in the corner of my room, being nothing more than an expensive decorative item. It crashed a few weeks ago and automated helpdesks along with Apple "service people", I swear those guys are the "men in black"! have not brought me to any type of sanity, only grief.
You ask why not return it with it's receipt? Ahhh yes, the receipt, now that would be cool! Well you find the stupid receipt for the stupi, stupid MP3 player, it is smaller than the player! I wept as though I had lost a child.
Being completely out of money at the moment, helium hasn't paid me, the record label forgot about me and the stores look at me like I'm some type of space invader from mars because I want "batteries" for a discman. I guess I am now forced to watch my daughter parade around with her new iPod...it has video! Yeah well just wait until her faithful friend crashes on her, she will want to use my old trashy discman...oh wait! It needs batteries and because the people from nano or mars came down to collect all of the discman's and batteries here on this planet, she is just out of luck!
Holy Mother of God. I can't take it anymore. What did people do before portable music and digital media? How can anyone stand it? Our wonderful world of the "information highway" has taken over, it has been possessed by the evil lures of technology from nano. I am done buying things that resemble that shiny creature named Nano from the planet Apple. All it does it make speech a lot louder and minds a bit blanker.
Everytime I plugged it's tentacles into my ears, I felt as though I had a thousand watts of power riccochetting through my head, none of them a bit pleasant anyway. It made me want to clasp my hands over my ears, yell out loud, then rock back and forth. A blubbering mess on the livingroom floor and all over a tiny thing the size of a cell phone...oh don't get me started on those!
Oh the eternal hellfire I have put myself into.
