Europeans do it better: 7 steps to enjoying your meal

One of my favorite traditions in Europe is the way they relish their time at the dining table. I’ve delighted in it over the years--from a restaurant table in Rome, to a friend’s kitchen in a small town outside Madrid, to my college apartment in Toulouse . The food, conversation, and wine flow effortlessly for hours of table-centered pleasure. And always I ask myself—why doesn’t this happen in America ?

Well it can. --You just need a few tricks of the trade and you’ll be ready to enjoy one of the most beloved traditions of the Mediterranean and Southern Europe . Here are the secrets I use:

Invite a small, close group of friends—they don’t all have to know each other, but make sure they will get along well together (as one friend says, no mezclas, don’t mix your friends if it’s not a good fit) and are disposed to interesting conversation. Almost anything goes in European table conversation (see #2 for the one thing not to talk about), politics, sex, art-- so long as you do it with a little charm and a little humor.
Don’t talk about your work at the table—this is a cardinal rule that most Americans always break. It’s not good juju for flowing conversation and can be a stressor for what should be a relaxing meal. You and your friends won’t feel like going four hours strong—no matter how delicious the food is—if you’re thinking about how you hate about your job or what you need to get done at the office.
Plan a multi-course meal—the dishes don’t need to be crazy complicated, in fact, simple can be better, just have an appetizer or two, a light salad, a main course and a cheese or dessert course. Cook things that are in your repertoire and that you can execute with an expert hand. You want the food to delight and satisfy your guests, so pick your best bets within your cooking skill set.
Set an elegant but practical table that is aesthetically pleasing without being too formal—you want everyone to feel like they can hang out, not worry about their posture and table manners. Use votive candles on the table and make sure the lighting is low—everyone looks and feels better when the lights are a little dim the candles are burning. Of course, you can always eat al fresco, which would give you the European golden star for the four-hour meal, but make sure it’s warm enough outside and that your guests won’t get cold over dinner.
Start slowly. One of my favorite starters is canapés (or “toasties” as I like to call them). For a simple and delicious Catalan recipe, slice a good baguette up, toast or grill it lightly, then rub toasts with olive oil, raw garlic and a tomato and serve face up on a nice platter with some quality prosciutto on the side.
Pause between courses. Seriously. No need to rush from the salad course to the main course. Signal to your guests this is how it will work so they don’t get nervous, and then give everyone time to breath, refresh their palette with some wine, and of course, maintain that fascinating conversation.
Keep the wine flowing without over-doing it. If you serve good wine (no need to be pricey, there are some excellent options under $20), refill your guests’ glasses throughout the meal, and have a little digestive after dinner, everyone should feel good without getting silly.

From the Community…

Comments 1-8 of 8

Posted by laura Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:40pm PDT

why doesn't it happen in america, indeed!
loved this article!

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Posted by Allison Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:21am PDT

It strikes me that one reason why this doesn't happen in this country is we are so busy getting more/better/ fast/ bigger, that we try to cram in as many events as we can, taking 4 hours for dinner? (!) I could be eating a taco in the car on my way to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall! Which brings me to the second reason... we're so freakin' conditioned to have to have a Something that will Entertain or Distract us, some activity BESIDES just sharing ourselves with each other and talking, that it's almost anathema to plan on a 4 hour dinner where the featured attraction is just good food and good conversation....
The dinner party does exist of course, but Devora Rogers seems to be saying, this kind of interaction doesn't have to be some kind of huge exception to the rule. Here Here I say!
Thanks for the great reminder and the great tips--also, love the idea of Shine, will check it out more often!

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Posted by Andygirl Fri Apr 18, 2008 2:20pm PDT

Oh god, you've made me miss Europe! How I loved sitting at dinner for hours after our meal was finished, sipping a small cafe and talking about life. I also miss, which I propose for a future article, cafe culture: sitting outside of a small cafe, sitting for hours with nothing on your mind but the people around or the book in your hand and generally relishing life. *sigh*
My dream is to one day open a true French/Italian style cafe with true coffee and a small menu. outside seating required!
Thank you for this!!

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Posted by Phat C Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:13pm PDT

I love dinner parties! Really, there's nothing better than a long, indulgent dinner with great friends, food and wine. It's all about the company, and making everyone feel at home.
Thanks for these great tips, especially the part about pacing it right. No need to rush like most Americans!

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Posted by Marilyn Fri Apr 18, 2008 3:18pm PDT

thank you for your wonderful article....it reminded me of my travels to europe....europeans sure know how to find time to appreciate and enjoy the simple pleasures in life...in the company of good friends, good food (sometimes it's only cheese and bread!) a bottle of wine, and good conversation...whether it's at a dinner table, the park, the beach or at a neighborhood cafe... i love how they sit for hours with their cup of coffee or a glass of wine just having a great old time engaging in a lively conversation....they seem to enjoy life even if they don't have much

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Posted by Rose S Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:56pm PDT

Wonderful!!!
My Friends and me actually do this every Wednesday, just 5 of us eating and chatting about every topic . . from guys and girls to family and plans after university

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Posted by Ann B Mon Apr 21, 2008 11:21am PDT

I love the above comment from Rose because my 3 friends and I actually do this every Wednesday, too! It's everyone's favorite day of the terrible work week and we each take turns cooking and hosting. The best meals involve multiple bottles of wine, simple food, and NO television.
I learned this kind of dining at a young age from parents who lived in Europe for many years. It's scary to imagine being too caught up in trivial, everyday life to enjoy this simple pleasure, not to mention the obvious health benefits of slowing down, relaxing, and taking time to prepare and enjoy actual food not ordered at a window!

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Posted by Kavon Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:55pm PDT

Oh I so miss Europe. They really know how to enjoy life over there. Americans (and I'm one) are obsessed with getting through everything quickly. American restaurants shoosh you out as soon as they can, they take your plate before you're even done, and they make you feel like you are imposing. Even business lunches in Europe allow for a glass of wine at midday and it's no big thing, here it's like God forbid. Anyone I ever tell about Europe gets annoyed with me, but I can't help it. I had such a great experience and one of them was sitting through 5, 6, 7, or 8 hour dinners....life is about friends and family and spending time with one another, enjoying the comraderie and companionship of your fellow humans, enjoying nature and marveling at the miracle of being alive. Not like here where it's an endless circus of soccer/lacross/football practices and one-upping the neighbors and other shallow, shallow crap.
Kudos to the girls who get together once a week to do this! Bravo.

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Comments 1-8 of 8

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