Healthy Living

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

3 tips on staying gracious over the holidays (even if you secretly hate your in-laws)

For 11 months of the year, the homebodies among us we can happily (and easily) avoid forced social enc
ounters. Then December rolls around, and so do the invitations for get-togethers with rooms full of strangers, cocktails with co-workers and catch-ups with extended family.

As the invites begin to overload your calendar, the opportunity for uncomfortable and stressful gatherings begins to rise, potentially putting a damper on what is supposed to be the happiest time of the year.  Already pressed for time, you begin to fight a battle to fulfill your holiday social obligations while staying sane, healthy, and on budget.

Managing holiday social obligations is never easy, but there are some stress-beating tricks to make sure your holiday spirits don’t start looking Grinch-like.

Follow these suggestions from Quick & Simple for three stressful social situations, and you may just realize that  -- aside from the holiday chaos -- you actually do like your mother-in-law. The ability to enjoy every social occasion may be the greatest gift you give yourself this holiday.

The Situation: Your family doesn't get along, and you're always caught in the crossfire
The Solution:  Accept that family get-togethers will never be perfect, and then set goals for how you want to enjoy this time.

Ask your aunt if you can help her in the kitchen, and catch up while making appetizers and helping to set the table. Want a glass of wine before Christmas Day dinner? Have your grandfather give you a recommendation beforehand and share his suggestion for some pre-dinner drinks with him.   

Pick the people you want to connect with most, and then figure out how best to spend your time with them. Your plan of action will prevent you from even noticing the bickering around you -- and your example may just teach everyone else a thing or two about holiday cheer and good will.

The Situation: Your successful friends want to see you -- but you think a meet-up may leave you feeling unhappy and insecure.
The Solution: Who's not to say you have nothing to contribute to the conversation? The holidays are as much a time to celebrate family and friendship as it is to celebrate life.

Did you recently redecorate your bathroom? Lose five pounds? Finally go on that vacation you've been meaning to take for years?

Friends are friends not because of shared success, but shared memories and support. If you want to add some bragging to the conversation, reflect on the cool things you've done that they haven't -- and everyone will benefit from the realization that "success" is a definition that has the most meaning when it is your own.

The Situation: You have two families to see (yours and your significant other's) -- but only one day to celebrate.
The Solution: Accept the invitation from your SO's parents with the offer to see them before or after the holiday.

While house-hopping sounds like the solution, it can set you up for further stress by trying to fit all of your energy into two different get-togethers with two different families. Explain that your commitment lies with your family first. Then, offer the option to have a pre-holiday dinner or to stop by the day after to exchange gifts over leftover eggnog and cookies.

By emphasizing that your commitment on the actual holiday lies with your family, they will respect your values and respect you more for prioritizing and offering options to see them before the season and your opportunity to visit passes and disappears into the New Year.

Related links:


Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc. &
Syndication:

From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 13
  • Open mouth, insert foot's Avatar
    Posted by Open mouth, insert foot Sun Nov 23, 2008 6:51pm PST

    I just have one question about the last point -- does this mean you and your SO spend that holiday apart --you with your family while your SO spends it with his/hers??

    Report Abuse
  • ♥~♥MaggieRed♥~♥'s Avatar
    Posted by ♥~♥MaggieRed♥~♥ Mon Nov 24, 2008 2:12am PST

    HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE YOUR IN-LAWS?"

    GO FIGURE******

    MAGGIE RED

    Report Abuse
  • Holly Mae's Avatar
    Posted by Holly Mae Mon Nov 24, 2008 5:34am PST

    Tell you what. After last year, we decided to ask my Dad's part of the family to have Christmas on either the Sunday before or after. We will head to my Mom's part of the family on December 14, and then again for all who missed that, we will be there on Christmas Eve. Christmas day will be for his family. Its so much running around. As soon as we get a house, we will throw our own party for the Holidays and whoever doesn't come will be SOL.

    Report Abuse
  • wendy's Avatar
    Posted by wendy Mon Nov 24, 2008 7:24am PST

    My parents always do a breakfast and my hubby's a dinner so I don't really worry about hopping houses, I just make sure I feel up at my parents because they have way better food. LOL

    Report Abuse
  • Disgruntled's Avatar
    Posted by Disgruntled Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:13am PST

    Join the military and live thousands of miles away from your relatives. Invite them to visit you. If your in-laws are as cheap as mine there is no danger of that ever happening. That's how I keep my sanity during the holidays.

    We tried visiting relatives for Christmas once. My in-laws insisted that we come to their house and then they left on Christmas morning to drive to a bowl game that my husband's "perfect" step-brother was playing in. Gee, hard to give of the fun of being turned out of the house on Christmas morning (thankfully my parents were only 6 hours away) but after that we said never again.

    Report Abuse
  • opiniononly's Avatar
    Posted by opiniononly Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:21am PST

    Ah, the holiday drama. There is no reason for the holiday schedule of two families be so difficult if all parties involved exercise common sense, respect and flexibility - with a bit of humor and creativity tossed in. I come from a family where a number of folks are in health care. During the years before they had seniority to have some holidays off, we flexed the actual get togethers all over the calendar. We've celebrated Christmas in November, December and January...and it never mattered because the point was to get together!

    Yes, the Christian holiday itself is one day...but the opportunity to celebrate includes 365 days from which to choose. Focus on the reason and not the calendar.

    Report Abuse
  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Mon Nov 24, 2008 9:24am PST

    If possible, visit with one family on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day. Otherwise, alternate years. Visit one family the weekend before Christmas, but the following year visit that family on Christmas Day.

    Christmas is way too stressful for most families. If people would learn to just give and take a little , it can work out without people having to rush to drive across the state and back.

    Report Abuse
  • PASTA's Avatar
    Posted by PASTA Mon Nov 24, 2008 6:26pm PST

    i dread the hollidays my brother inlaws fiancee is downright mean- and i mean meeean!!! she just sits there ignoring me and my husband i hate it... i dread hollidays

    Report Abuse
  • Heather's Avatar
    Posted by Heather Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:45am PST

    My Great Grandma thought up a brilliant plan for the Christmas dilema (my family or my husband's family on what day?). Christmas Eve is "my family" day, we go over to my grandma's and eat linner (lunch dinner) around 3, clean up, and then open presents and then go home. Then on Christmas day, we go to his famil's house and do Christmas there on Christmas day!

    Report Abuse
  • 's Avatar
    Posted by Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:27pm PST

    I had rather drink bleach then deal with my inlaws! I have tried every way in the book to do the holidays with them and it is awful everytime. All chiefs and no indians.

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 13

leave your comment

You must sign in to post a comment

Sign In for personalized information

New User? Sign Up

Updates Chatter on Shine…

Health Byte

Already making resolutions? Map out a simple, successful plan with these 5 steps to getting your body back on track in the New Year.