For me, getting rid of the scale helped me with my weight loss goals.
If you guessed a scale, you're right. See, I was a chubby kid, and my grandmother was concerned. And while I understand her concerns now, having to report back the numbers on that scale was something I always dreaded because they would not budge, or if they did, they were always moving in the wrong direction. I felt like a failure, and in order to cope with the shame, I turned to food.
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For a long time, I felt like my grandmother’s greatest goal in life was to mold me into this image of perfection she had for me. In her vision, I was thin, and with long silken hair. There was no way I could reconcile this vision with my curly hair or my thick frame. I was hurt and angry, and so I rebelled against this vision. I ate more, sometimes just to spite her and anybody else “concerned with my weight,” but mostly just for comfort. There was so much shame attached to the issue of my weight that I couldn’t exercise in front of people, because I was afraid of being told I was too fat. So I was sedentary when I most wanted to be active. Have any of you ever let this fear of what others thought stop you from exercising?
At some point in college, I threw away that scale from my grandmother, and while that actually helped me begin to lose weight, it wasn't until a few years ago, when my best friend asked me to star in a mini-documentary she wanted to produce, that I really came to terms with what that scale represented. The film was called Pelo Malo. It was mostly about race and dealing with my grandmother’s dislike of my curly hair, but it also touches on body image. It went on to be an official selection at the Fargo Film Festival. That might not sound like a big deal, but for us, it was huge. Now my struggles were out in the open. I say in the film that I would not let somebody else’s standards of beauty stop me from considering myself beautiful. This was liberating, but scary--considering I had told the entire world that I was going to be confident, there was no turning back and hiding in my shell. Have you ever been afraid of telling others about your struggles? It's the best thing because you can get it off your chest, but then if the people you tell care about you, they will hold you accountable, and you have to actually do something about it.16 Ways I Learned to Love My Body!
When I think about Body by Glamour and this Shape Up blog, I’m amazed that I volunteered myself for this venture. A few years ago, I would have never been able to share my weight loss journey with anybody, let alone in a forum of this magnitude. But I am done with feeling ashamed. Partly because I’ve learned to be comfortable in my own skin, and partly because I forgave my grandmother. Her desire for me to look like a supermodel remains, but I’m not bound by it anymore. And yes, I want to lose weight, but not to please her. And I don’t want to be rail thin. More than anything, I want to be healthy, for me.
How about you--do you know who or what is behind your body-image baggage? Do you have a hard time exercising because you’re worried about what other people think? Don’t let that hold you back anymore, and sign up for Body By Glamour today! Or if you’re registered already, be sure to log your food and workouts!
by Karina Arrue
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