Of course, we have to tend to our to-do lists, pay our bills, do some grunt work. But isn't the point of ticking those things off to create the home, family, and life we want? And isn't that all about being happy?
I'd rather get paid less to do a job I love than just put in hours to make more cash. My mom says the sacrifice of professional happiness is worth the money. So, when it comes to our own pursuits of happiness, we agree to disagree.
Perhaps this does make me more optimistic than pragmatic. But I really do believe that working to be happy -- in a job, in a relationship, internally -- will yield good, tangible things. Like bigger paychecks, resolutions to arguments, more sleep. This has actually worked for me, and so I will keep on seeing happiness as the goal.
With all those unavoidable to-do lists, bills, and grunt work, how do we know if we are happy?
It happened for me when I sat at a red light and saw a woman walking down the street. She reminded me of myself several years ago. Back then, I wanted a lot -- a bigger and better job, a safer and brighter apartment, more room in my relationships to make my own dreams a reality. I wished for those things out loud one day, pushing my baby boy in a stroller through my neighborhood. As I watched the stranger walking on the street and pushing her own child in a stroller, I remembered that time and those wishes. And then it occurred to me that I had all of those things now. It didn't come overnight and none of them arrived in a package I expected, but the wishes did come true. I watched her, I took a look at myself in my rear view mirror. It hit me that, not just because of those things I now had but because of the journey toward them, I was happy. I am happy.
Of course, I have hard days, challenging times. And there are areas of my life that need improving, more as-yet-unfulfilled wishes to speak aloud to myself and the universe. Still, I know the unhappiness will fade or be resolved if I keep focusing on the opposite -- the optimism, the happiness.
For the same reason I love reading what Gretchen Rubin writes about her own Happiness Project (you can also find Gretchen's words of wisdom here on Shine), I was also fascinated by this post on the "5 Signs You're Not Happy." It cites behaviors that indicate that, as author Cristen Conger says, negative emotions could be taking a toll, beyond unhappiness and perhaps even into the realm of depression.
According to studies Conger lists, here are the red flags that you are not happy:
1. You watch too much TV. Research by the University of Chicago indicates that happier people watch 30% less television, regardless of age, marital status, income, or level of education. Happier people spend, on average, six fewer hours in front of the TV and instead share that time with friends, volunteering, or in activities.
2. You do not have good relationships with other people. Studies consistently show that people who have a strong circle of friends are more likely to report that they are happy. Married people report more often that they are happier than single people. Unhappiness could impact how issues are handled within relationships and could also prevent people from initiating friendships or staying connected to other people.
3. Your stress level feels out of control. Research has noted the problem of increasing stress levels for people and particularly for women. One analysis of men and women showed that men may be happier because they give less time and energy to "unpleasant tasks" than women (there are those bills and to-dos again). Stress, some scientists say, can motivate us in the short term but wear down our happiness considerably over the long haul.
4. You are always seeking pleasure. Pleasure, Conger notes, is "momentary and fleeting." This is different from contentment, which entails appreciating where you are now in your life. If you simply seek pleasure, you will always be on a quest for more, always be coming from a place of lacking rather than abundance. This reminds me of the high of buying a new pair of shoes or having an expensive dinner -- a high that crashes when the bill arrives or as soon as the shoes get tossed into the closet. (You must read about this interesting survey of the happiness of people who experienced startling life-changing event.)
5. You do not get enough sleep. According to one study of more than 900 women, the number one indicator of unhappiness (aside from work stress) was a lack of sleep. While there are many factors that contribute to how many hours of sleep we get and how much of that is quality sleep, it has been shown that people who are sleep-deprived are more sensitive to the stress hormone cortisol. If you've been both sleep-deprived and well-rested, it probably isn't a big surprise that consistent, good sleep beefs up your physiological (and surely, emotional) ability to cope with stress. Plus, at this point in my 30s, I think every person my age I know would agree that sleep does make us happy.
Although these tips are not revolutionary -- somewhere in our brains don't we all know when we are basking in this kind of unhappy behavior? -- they are a good way to check in on how hard we are or are not working to be happier people. And Cristen Conger's full post is full of much more interesting information and is worth a read, no matter whether you label yourself as a pragmatist or optimist, happy or unhappy.
I know that it helps me to focus on what I do want, what is important for me to continue to grow my own happiness. And reading this also helped me to think about what I may be doing to prevent those wishes from becoming a reality and how I am standing in my own way.
With that, I think the pragmatic thing to do would be to add "sleep more" and "shop less" to my to-do list.
Is being happy important to you? What are your own indicators for happiness or unhappiness?
More on happiness:
- 8 ways money CAN buy you happiness
- Easy, instant mood boosters
- 6 tips for making school days calm and cheery
- How to make TV watching a source of happiness
[via How Stuff Works]
[photo credit: Getty Images]
