I figure just about everyone has a bubble, right? It doesn't matter if your breath is sweet and your BO doesn't stink, stay out of my personal space. Now I'm not talking family or friends here, well not for the most part that is.
My step-daughter has a friend who cannot stay out of other people's personal space. She would come over and visit and get right up in my face. I've never had to step back as often with someone as I have with her. I have a theory about personal space and it goes back to my childhood, and involves my daughter's friend.
My mother was molested as a child, and she stood up and testified against her father. Though she had counseling throughout her life, there, I think is a part of her that believes every adult male is a danger to little girls. I was about seven when she stopped allowing me to sit on my father's lap. Now my dad is a pacifist and one of the GOOD people, I've never even seen him raise his voice. Not that he's perfect, but mom saw things that weren't there. As a child, my bubble seemed to grow. As a teenager, I think that I began to see people in my space with a sexual overtone. Attractive males were ok, but even close family and friends........ let's just say I'm not a very touchy-feely person. I've worked on it, and having children has helped as well.
But I wonder, does anyone who doesn't have my background and knowledge of why have difficulties with people, not just strangers in their space? My step-daughter's friend claims that she is 'bi-sexual', so I wonder if that is why she is always in people's bubble, she sees everyone with a sexual overtone. Or is it just that some people have no problems with it? I don't know, what do you think?
GET OUT OF MY BUBBLE!!!
- by , on Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:05pm PDT
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From the Community…
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:17pm PDT
Report AbuseRusty, I have not the same backround and I usually don't have a problem with people in my space unless I have had a Hard day and then I don't want anyone to talk to me,touch me or try to interact with me in any way.Other than that, I have no problem with people in my space and in fact I am probably what you call touchy feely. And, it is unconscious. Someone once told me I should not be so free with touching people (usually females, I don't touch males other than my husband or sons) and I was rather hurt. It is just a form of affection and is not meant to scare or hurt. Now that I have read your blog--I will be more conservative in future. It just never occured to me.
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:38pm PDT
Report AbuseI think whenpeople start invading your space (both physical and emotional) without being invited or welcomed, it is very disconcerting, not to mention irritating. But some people(especially children) haven't learned personal boundaries or respect for other peoples space. Is it a cry for attention on their part?
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:01pm PDT
Report AbuseI guess I think of children as a completely different issue. Unless, I'm having a bad day, as Irish said above, at this time I don't have any bubble with them.
My step-daughter's friend is 17 though, so who knows.
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:17pm PDT
Report AbuseBut if people don't learn early in life the respect they should have for other people, can they ever learn it? I don't consider myself to be uptight or anything, and i love playing with little kids, but i have known people who let their children go wild in public places, rummage through drawers and nic nacs at my house, and pull on you, drink from your cup...etc. My point (yes there is one!)LOL, is that we form boundaries at a young age i think. And people who invade others space maybe just weren't taught manners, courtesy or repect....
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:33pm PDT
Report AbuseI see what you are saying, and in many ways I agree, depending on the age of the child. Once they get to a certain age, yeah, they should have learned not to do things like that - especially with strangers, or as a guest. But if their parents let them do it.........? Mostly I was thinking about my kids, in my space though.
I'm thinking about the definition of touchy-feely now. There is a difference between a pat on the back or such and actually being in someone's bubble. Irish, I think you can tell when someone is uncomfortable with you being too close. I really wouldn't worry about it too much. Let me put my SD's friend in a different area. (I don’t let her come over, for more than this reason though). I was cooking dinner one night, and she came up and sniffed my ear, now weird enough, but ewwwwwwwwww. I'm so glad we are moving.
I have wonderful friends that are touchy-feely, and though they tend to touch and hug me more than some others, they also tend to (consciously or unconsciously, I don't know) realize when I start to feel invaded. I think it's kind of nice to realize that not everyone's bubble is the same is mine. Though I'd like to teach my kids that other's have personal space, I'm hoping that I won't pass on the thickness of mine.
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Posted by Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:42pm PDT
Report AbuseSniffed your ear????!!!!!Double-eeewwww!!!! Thats just innappropriate, I don't care who you are!!! And even though peoples comfort zones vary, the huggers and the patters in our lives, can boost us up just when we need it. Keep hugging Irish! And Rusty, I think as long as you teach your kids to respect other people in general, they'll be just fine. Your blogs show you to be a very open person, even if you don't show it physically!
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 12:53pm PDT
Report AbuseI think much of this is regional. In Guadalahara, I often saw young women walking together, giggling, walking arm in arm. I saw men acknowledge each other with a warm hug. I saw that same behavior in Belize. Americans tend to put space between them or it's considered rude. I am very affectionate with friends and family. We were a large family in a small house, so everyone was always in someone's space. And when extended family came to stay, we kids were sleeping on the screened porch. So, yes, I think attitudes about the bubble are learned, depending on your region and your family history.
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 4:24pm PDT
Report AbuseYou have all done it again. This is the reason I love Shine! Cindi and Rusty, thank you for expanding my idea of peoples personal space. I am a person who cares deeply for others I have come to care about and I find a hug or sometimes just being there talking about nothing at all, has helped. I think that time away (mentally) from their problem, allows them to return to the frey with a fresh mind. Both of you have responded to my blogs and have offered just that bit of encouragement that I needed at the time and for this I can only thank you loads!!! I try to never be hateful with others as I know what those kind of comments do to me personally. So please enter my personal space as you wish.
As to children, with my own and adopted, I was always very firm as to a persons personal space,either physical or material. All of my kids had to share bedrooms but everyone had their own toys,clothes,books,etc. If this space was trampled upon, we had a family meeting and the deed was dwelt with as soon as possible. That way the lesson was shared by everyone. God help them if they were free with someone else's things be they adult or child. Yes, I have a problem with ADULTS who let their children run loose,yelling and getting into others stuff, knocking things down and in general, being rude. I often went to restaurants,shopping,to the park,etc with at least 7 to 10 kids and I was the only adult, and I received complements often on how well behaved they were. This was because they had been talked to before we went and any problems cancelled any future trips. You can believe that the kid that caused the cancellation was not very popular! I guess I just believe it is common sense and don't understand others who don't control their kids. Am I wrong??
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Posted by Sun Jun 22, 2008 6:02pm PDT
Report AbuseI don't have your background, but I get what you're saying. I have issues with adults with this "space invader" problem. I've found that kids with the problem often have Aspbergers (on the autism spectrum). Is it possible that your stepdaughter's friend has it? They can be very smart kids, but they miss all social cues.
On another note, my prayers are with your step son as he leaves for Iraq.
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Posted by Mon Jun 23, 2008 12:40pm PDT
Report AbuseI have a friend who has a hug radar(lol)! She seems to know just when I need that pick me up. I also have a friend that doesn't always get her signals right, and can invade my mental space with third degree type questioning about issues I am not comfortable discussing....takes all kinds I guess! Looking back on my prior comments, I realize I sound a bit harsh on kids, but I was like Irish in the fact that I could take my kids anywhere, and they knew how to act. Besides, a friend with an "energetic" child had just visited...bear with me, I'm not such a witch most of the time!
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