My heart sank because there is boy who is barely in high school who is living in a body that must be pushed to its limits. Being a teenager is hard enough, and I cannot imagine how physically and emotionally difficult it must be for this kid, who surely cannot participate in many of the activities and opportunities that get teens through those tough years.
His mother, Jerri Gray, says that she did not keep sweets or soda in the house, but admits she left her son home alone often while she worked second-shift or third-shift jobs. She also said she had to bring home fast food for dinner because of her demanding work schedule.
Attorneys for the family said that she did take as many opportunities as she could to treat her son's obesity. However, South Carolina's State Department of Social Services pursued custody the boy in foster care after health care providers reported that his mother was not meeting his medical needs. The agency found the boy to be at high risk and placed him in foster care.
The situation was already quite complicated. Under fire in May, Gray fled the state with her son. Once found in Maryland, her son was examined by paramedics and turned over to the state's Department of Human Resources while Gray was arrested for violation of a custody order.
Although it is reported that Gray did follow the department's guidelines, it is presumed that the 14-year old eating more than the food she provided for him. Lt. Shea Smith countered that, saying that Gray did not take advantage of all opportunities for her son's medical care.
Similar cases have been considered in five other states. Family attorneys expressed concern on CNN that this case would open the door for parents to be held legally responsible if their children are eating disordered or even if they become pregnant.
I will be watching with interest to see what happens in this case and what kind of precedent it may set for parents of obese -- or starving or pregnant, as the lawyers projected -- children. I believe parents are the biggest role models for health and wellness for their children and thereby need to be the most accountable. I'd love to hear this mom say that maybe she didn't teach him well enough, didn't provide enough healthy foods for her growing son to thrive. However, I wonder if she, like many parents, was so mired in her responsibilities and work schedule that she just couldn't. I wonder if she just doesn't know what to do or how to take on her son's critical needs.
But should she serve time for that? Should she lose custody of her son? I can't say. I don't even know where to stand on the issue. It all seems like too much. It all seems overdone when it could be an opportunity for someone to step in and get this family on an intense program and maybe turn this all around.
Still, my heart sinks for the kid who was already home a lot, who already has a lot to deal with, and now featured all over the Internet and news and may be separated from his mother. Childhood obesity is awful and heart-breaking, yes. But is it criminal?
Most importantly, is he getting the emotional care, counseling, and medical attention social services says he needs while he is in foster care? I'd like to know that.
I'd also like to know the true health status of this 14-year old kid. Does he have any medical complications? How is his blood pressure? Is he sleeping well? Is he active? Is he happy? We can place a lot of assumptions on him by his weight, but I do think there is more here to be considered.
Until then, all we as readers know is that a child is obese and his parent is being charged with unlawful neglect for it. As this case continues to unfold and as this child is in the care of another family, perhaps we need to take the situation personally. Perhaps we need to turn our attention away from the photos of this boy to consider the question seeded by the attorneys. If we are parents, perhaps this is a chance to be self-reflective, and if we are not, perhaps it is a chance to think about how we were raised by asking:
Should a parent be held responsible for their child's body size?
