I started off my morning convinced I could get through on some tea (a blend of black and herbal, but with less caffeine than my regular ginormous mug of coffee). And to be honest, it wasn't like this was going to be It. The End. Buh-bye for Good to Caffeine. It was just going to be a few hours until my grocery delivery saviors arrived with ten or twelve bags of food and most importantly, coffee.
A very small bag of coffee. A very small bag of expensive and half-caffeinated coffee.
When I was placing my grocery order online, I was glumly paging through the decaf coffees on the site, thinking about how I was going to orchestrate getting some (but not all) of the caffeine I was used to. And then, there it was, like a beacon of hope in a begrudging beginning to the end of my over-caffeination: Starbucks Half-Caffeinated Breakfast Blend. It felt like a miracle, like a little whole bean grace, like a way out of my cup of tea that was just not cutting it. And to make it all feel more divine, it was on sale. I was saved.
I'll be honest, those hours I waited for the groceries to arrive were not pretty. I only had a slight headache, a typical caffeine withdrawal symptom, but I felt incredibly lethargic. I dosed up with vitamin C, did some an extra-long energizing yoga DVD, and had tried to eek out a boost from a breakfast of whole grain toast and soy butter. No matter, I was still dragging.
I would have smothered the grocery delivery guy when he arrived, except I was too busy cranking up the coffee pot. Maybe I was jonesing for any little bit of caffeine I could get my hands on, but I still stuck to my plan. I only made a half a pot, something I've been doing with my full caf in preparation for about a week, because I am frankly too lazy to make more coffee once the carafe is completely empty. I will tell you that the coffee tasted amazing, no matter how much of the juice was in it.
Ahhh, relief. For about an hour. Then I felt all exhausted and horrible again. Here's where I made my big mistake. I should have taken a nap. I should have been downing water like the rivers were all about to run dry. Instead, I powered through a bunch of work and errands and even when I had the chance to rest, I just kept on going. Slowly, but I kept on going.
When I got crabby, I knew it was time to call in the big guns -- in the form of a tall coffee. I justified it to myself as being a moment of benevolence, a step in the weaning process, DAY ONE for crying out loud!
Ahhh, even more relief. That held me a few hours until dinner and a full belly and a brief zonk-out on the couch, during which time I was dead to the world and oblivious to the loud chatter of my small child, mother, and Alex Trebek. When I woke up, the headache, crabbiness, and lethargy were still there.
"Good Lord, you're a mess," my dad kindly observed. I could only nod, gather my child and purse and empty coffee cup and leave.
I'd like to say I went to bed early, but I didn't. I'd like to say I felt positive and accomplished about getting through the first day, but I didn't. I sat in my pitiful withdrawal and just felt it all, cursing Starbucks and swearing on too many non-fat sugar-free vanilla lattes that this would all be better in the morning.
Right? RIGHT?!
Ever given up caffeine? What was the first day like for you?
Catch up on why I'm kicking the coffee habit:
Kissing off caffeine: My scary wake-up call
