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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Life with Cancer: Are you happy enough?

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Someone asked me this yesterday: "Do you wake up every morning just so incredibly happy that you have a baby and that you have survived cancer and are feeling so good?" I actually had to think about it for a minute. I am happy, but I'm also preoccupied/consumed by a number of relatively petty things on a day-to-day basis that cloud the sunny big picture (my current list includes the fact that Alex's hair is too long--see photo--and everyone keeps nagging me to cut it and that I have to eat an english muffin with PB for breakfast when I really want a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich...see, not that important). "Well," I said, "yeah, I'm usually happy though I've never been all that great at stopping to smell the roses...." And then, once again, I started feeling guilty for not having rays of sunshine coming out my, um, ears.

The truth is, I am pretty darn happy. In fact, last night I was at Andrew's pre-K graduation celebratory dinner with the fam at a way-too-nice-to-take-kids-to restaurant (in our defense we arrived at 5:30). We were sitting outside overlooking the water, I was sipping a Chardonnay, Alex was shoving anything he could get his hands on into his face (avacado, bread, corn, cheese, penne, fusilli with lobster and cognac cream sauce...whoops!) and I said to the table--"I am so lucky." But here's the thing: I wasn't thinking because my cancer didn't come back or because I was able to have a miracle child, who, p.s., may become a competitive eater. I was thinking I am so lucky because I don't have to get dressed tomorrow morning and take a train to work in an office. Hey, at least I'm honest.

I think you all know that I am incredibly grateful for my health. I guess I just have a tough time stopping every day to say, "I don't have cancer, and therefore I am happy!" And I've always struggled with the cancer-survivor perspective thing (I feel like people expect that because you beat cancer, you should never be upset/angry/obsessed with losing the last five pounds again). Does that make me a bad person? I don't know. Are you guys always happy? Do you remember to smell the roses? Please share! --Erin

Be sure to check out Glamour's 15 ways how not to get cancer!

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Related: wellness, moods, happiness, cancer survivor, baby, alex

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Comments 1-10 of 11
  • popesmom's Avatar
    Posted by popesmom Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:38pm PDT

    Great post - I guess it is just a dumb thing people say. No one is happy and grateful all of the time. Good for you for not having it be at the front of your mind, it kind of shows that you have a kick a$$ mind set. Cancer is not controlling your life anymore you kicked it to the curb - now about that job you never want to go back to. :)

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  • pixie's Avatar
    Posted by pixie Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:54am PDT

    YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU I REPEAT YOU MAKE IT NOT ANYONE ELSE. ANE BEING A CANCER SURVIVER IS GREAT,BUT I GLAD YOU DON'T MAKE THAT YOUR BADGE OF HONOR LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE DO. THERE IS MUCH MORE TO LIFE THAN CANCER,YEA IT SUCKS BUT IF YOU DWELL ON IT YOU GIVE IT THE POWER TO COME BACK. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND HOPE IT DOESN'T COME BACK. KEEP POSITIVE AND KEEP ON KEEPING ON THAT'S ALL ANY OF US CAN DO THAT WANT TO SURVIVE CANCER OR JUST LIFE.

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  • Ara's Avatar
    Posted by Ara Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:57am PDT

    For me, cancer was much like having a baby...painful at the time but blunted memories of the pain and vivid happiness of living today. I feel blessed but not because I am cancer free, although I prefer it to the alternative, but because I have family that I love, friends that I love, and nature that I love.

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  • Caramel Cake's Avatar
    Posted by Caramel Cake Wed Jun 25, 2008 8:22am PDT

    I'm not happy. My man is a drunk, my klds drive me nuts, gas is higher than the cluds, food is scarce in my budget right now, I'm not the size I want to be but all in all, I am blessed that i wake up evry morning and that I have a family that loves me. AMEN!

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  • Just a girl in the world's Avatar
    Posted by Just a girl in the world Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:47pm PDT

    Great post. What just because you survived cancer you are not supposed to have normal up and down days. Some days are just better than others!

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  • Jen Singer's Avatar
    Posted by Jen Singer Mon Jul 21, 2008 8:18am PDT

    I think that if you can wallow in some day-to-day annoyances, you're doing well. It means that the cancer doesn't define you. Or that you're in a serious state of denial, which, frankly, can be handy at times.

    I enjoy life more at times, but sometimes I'm so darn scared the cancer will come back, that I long to be ticked off about a hang nail.

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  • Fahmi's Avatar
    Posted by Fahmi Thu Dec 18, 2008 10:16pm PST

    Well my comment is you make your life happy and you can make it hell its in your hand and what,s life with out good friend,s help you and you help them ,Life is something you enjoy ,and you sould never say i am scared then you well be scared it,s something in your mind do the best you can andyou sould take it day by day you well be O.K. is,t that good or what

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Comments 1-10 of 11

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