Healthy Living

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Nap time is not the new happy hour: Temptation.

by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor (Make Mine A Double)

Last Tuesday night I found myself sitting alone in a hotel bar in NYC with a shot glass full of a sweet looking alcoholic concoction – a gift from the bartender I’d been idly chatting with for the past half hour while I ate my arugula salad with shaved parmesan and then dove into my seared scallops over mushroom risotto. Right up until this moment I’d been having the first almost relaxing day in a long time. Having spent six hours on Jet Blue with its nonstop in flight cable television entertainment and free flowing Diet 7 Up, I’d managed to get a third of the way through a novel and gone over my notes for the Today Show which I’d be taping on Thursday and with no babies to put to bed there was nothing for me to do but eat some dinner, go watch a little TV and get some sleep. Also right up until this moment, the thought of drinking had been the furthest thing from my mind. Well, that’s not completely true; the bartender had been talking in his tough Long Island accent about all the drinking he’d been doing with his buddies and fairly early in the conversation it was obvious that a good time always included booze – which is something I could totally relate to.

The wine bottles were starting to take on a dramatic glow in the artfully lit frame of a bar and I couldn’t help but think how good a glass of nice Merlot would taste after my long day. The reason I quit drinking was that I was doing it every night, at home, isolated – not because I drank too much when I went out or was alone in a bar with no responsibilities, right? Right? Well, no. This was a question I’d already posed to myself many times before I made the humbling decision to give up drinking entirely. It wasn’t that I always drank too much in a social environment; it was that sometimes I did. And I couldn’t predict when those times would be. So I knew that drinking was out of the question. Yet, I was fantasizing about wine like it was an old boyfriend I’d had a dysfunctional relationship with yet when I missed him could only remember the way it felt when I was asleep in the crook of his arm or the way his voice softened when he said “I love you.”

I was alone. In New York. With no one watching over me. But the bartender was now talking about how he moved out of his house when he was sixteen because as he put it, “my mother liked the bottle too much.”

“Really,” I said, not as a question. “Does she still drink?”

Read More...

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Stefanie on Drinking:
My Sobering Secret
Hair of the Dog

A Shot Glass of Truth
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Raising preemie twin girls plus a sassy preschooler while trying to make a book deadline isn't for wussies. In her  Mommy Track'd column, Make Mine a Double, Stefanie Wilder-Taylor takes imperfect parenting to an art form. Each week she breaks the pristine laws of the mommy manuals as she reveals how she attempts to parent her three children through instinct, intelligence, and a lot of trial and error.  She is the author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay, Naptime Is the New Happy Hour, and It's Not Me, It's You: Subjective Recollections from a Terminally Optimistic, Chronically Sarcastic and Occasionally Inebriated Woman. She’s appeared numerous times on The Today Show, is a member of the Us Weekly Fashion Police and writes on her blog, Baby On Bored.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-7 of 7
  • GirlyGirl©'s Avatar
    Posted by GirlyGirl© Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:59pm PDT

    Are you kidding? I have six boys. I was pregant for the most part of 7-8 years, retrospectively. I CRAVED a glass of wine. I didn't do it, of course. I also gave up smoking for those many years. Now that my sons are grown (my youngest is 14), yes, I do drink wine with dinner. When my husband and I go out to dinner, and a movie, sometimes two glasses. I don't label myself as a drunk. What is a glass of wine with dinner?

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  • Apple's Avatar
    Posted by Apple Wed Jul 15, 2009 2:22pm PDT

    funny, I was thinking about this blog today. Ah the age old question of how much is too much and am I an alcoholic? Whatever you choose to do is whatever you should choose. Good luck!

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  • Kikki's Avatar
    Posted by Kikki Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:12pm PDT

    I've read both of the posts and I just can't help but think, she is in denial. She says, she made a humbling decision to give up alcohol, but has she admitted that she is an alcoholic? It's like trying to white wash the problem, by pretending it's akin to giving up smoking or chocolate. Eating dinner in a bar, chatting with the bartender-please doesn't the hotel have a restarant or a table-seems like the author is just trying to flirt with temptation. It's like saying I'm giving up drugs, but I'm still going to go to my dealers house and hang out.

    I'm not trying to belittle her experience or be an a-hole, but someone giving up alcohol for their health who isn't an alcoholic, doesn't say things like I can't control my drinking or fantasize about wine. I hope for the sake of her family she is in some kind of program to help with her adiction. Living with an alcoholic parent in denial was great fun.

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  • Stefanie's Avatar
    Posted by Stefanie Wed Jul 15, 2009 10:47pm PDT

    Hi Kelly, this is the author of the column. I know you aren't trying to belittle my experience or be an a-hole as you say but I never said I was giving up alcohol for my health. If you really did read my previous columns regarding my drinking, I said expicitly that the way I drank was compulsive and destructive to me. I am an alcholic as far as I'm concerned. But the label I use or don't use in none of your concern or something to judge. I'm happy for you if you can be sober and never find yourself in a hotel with a restaurant with full tables and having to have a seat at a bar to order dinner. If you think I made it seem like it's equivalent to giving up chocolate or smoking (which from friends stories can be harder than quitting drinking)I think you read wrong. I fully admitted to you and the rest of my readers that I have a drinking problem and am unable to parent my children and drink at the same time. Doesn't sound like denial to me. I work a program, my friend. If you have any questions or there's anyway I can be of service to you with my story please email me, otherwise please don't judge until you've been in my shoes. Also, do you really think I'd out myself to the world if I were white washing? These kinds of comments are upsetting to me and feel judgmental. Sorry.

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  • Katie B's Avatar
    Posted by Katie B Thu Jul 16, 2009 6:48am PDT

    Personally I think a glass of wine here and there is good for your health... but what is more important having one glass of wine that might end up being two, three, four? or foregoing that first glass all together. I wish you well on your journey and that you can continue the will power. Because giving up anything that you really like can be hard. I don't have this problem with Alcohol because I rarely drink. It's more along the lines of food. Which outside of moderation can be just as unhealthy. Any time we do something unhealthy it can hinder our parenting skills. I saw this with my mother who didn't take care of herself physically, she never ate properly, exercised or saw the doctor when she needed to... as a result she was sleeping all the time and the parenting fell on me as the oldest, especially when my dad was deployed overseas.

    But again, Good luck and it will be worth it especially if you end up having great relationships with your kiddos and they have a chance to be a kid.

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