Healthy Living

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

One from the vault: Fear of flying while fat

This morning, I drove myself to the airport with minimal worries. This was unusual because, you see, I love to travel, but hate to fly. Not the actual flying part. That doesn't bother me. But as a plus size girl, there are all kinds of other issues involved when you start talking about impinging upon a stranger's personal space. I easily fit into the seats on airlines (although, oy, the bulkhead seat with the solid sides? My ass would only fit happily if my hips could dislocate), and I don't overlap the boundaries of my minuscule little area. I fold my arms into complicated origami shapes over my boobs so that I can give my seat partner full ownership of the armrest (which remains firmly down after I get buckled in). And I only take one carry on that I never touch once it is stowed in the overhead bin. I'd like to think I'm a good seat partner.

Granted, I lust for the empty seat. You see, the empty seat means I can relax a little bit. I don't have to feel as though I'm apologizing for being in the row. I always check in and move myself to the perfect seat situation (window seat in a row where only the aisle is occupied) because I know that the chances of filling that middle seat are slim (ha! pun) to none. Sometimes Esteban, in his frequent travels, gets stuck in the middle seat, but so far, I've been lucky. I don't know what I'd do, quite honestly. Throw a fit, perhaps. Or burst into tears. Or perhaps fake a seizure.

I didn't worry when I got to the airport, as the gate wasn't that full. However, when I did get seated, immediately a couple took seats D and E. Whenever it's a couple and I'm already seated, the women almost always choose to sit next to me. I don't know why that is. She seemed pleasant, none of the uncomfortable body language that you usually get. And quite frankly, I was pretty comfy jammed up against the window, even though the entire flight, I was staring at five completely empty seats in the two rows in front of us. Why hadn't I picked that one? Why hadn't they? It seemed like a waste.

My connecting flight was delayed. And overbooked. And full of babies, strollers, people in wheelchairs and old people who couldn't lift their luggage into the bins. After a miserable boarding process, I finally plunked into seat 24A and started getting myself situated: my water bottle, package of cashews and four magazines tucked into the seat back. Then I noticed that a couple was laughing hysterically as they got closer. They were looking at me. What, did my bosom accidentally fall out? They laughed some more. Then they checked their tickets. Then they checked the seat number. Then they laughed harder. They sat down next to me, trying desperately to stifle their giggles. The girl (who chose the middle seat) did a classic feint: "What? Why are you laughing at me? Because I printed so many boarding passes?" Riiiiiight. You're both laughing because of boarding passes? Or because the universe just played a colossal trick on you and placed two Club MTV types on a plane next to the fat girl.

They didn't talk to me the entire flight. Instead, they talked about how much sun they could still get after they landed and got wherever they were going, about how he wanted her to wear a sundress and wanted to see leg, lots of leg, he better see some leg, babe, seriously. He chided her about her waxing appointment and told her that he wanted her to get her "taint" waxed and that he'd call the waxer himself to make the appointment if she was too embarassed. She called him controlling and then she turned away, toward me, which then sent them back to peals of whispers and giggles. At one point, they were wrestling with each other, her elbow jabbing me in the rib. I folded myself up, holding my arms up by my chin, balancing my iPod against the window, breathing in low, even breaths so as not to seem like I was out of shape. I willed myself to shrink. I wanted to compress, condense, turn into a black hole of passenger, so dense that even light cannot escape it. I was happy when they both started to doze. Somewhere over Georgia, the girl's head dropped onto my shoulder and I did not move nor nudge her aside. I think I almost felt grateful. See? I'm not untouchable. Look, your forehead didn't get fat. When she jolted awake, she turned away and fell against him.

When the flight was taxiing in Tampa, the stewardess announced that we could now use cellphones, and he flipped his open, holding it so the screen was pointed away from me. Then I heard the telltale sound of the camera click, then his thumbs danced over the number pad as he composed his text.

The girl had a fake Louis Vuitton bag. So fake that the handles didn't even match the bag. While we were waiting to deplane, I nonchalantly looked it over for a crooked pattern or slipped stamp. In my head, I was glad that they were the kind of assholes who were going to go tanning, because it meant that in 20 years (or less) that guy was going to have skin cancer. And it made me happy, then guilty and then sad because in the space of 2 hours and 45 minutes, I went from feeling pretty good to feeling exactly the way I did in 7th grade. It didn't matter what I accomplished, how talented I am, or how nice. It didn't matter how much I rock a Powerpoint presentation, a karaoke microphone, a punchline or a really killer set of blunt-cut bangs. It didn't matter.

They say that fat is used as an armor. I used to think that was true, even plausible in my case. I don't know anymore. I don't know what it's supposed to protect you from. Because right now, a picture of my stomach, my chest, or perhaps my double-chin in profile is sitting in someone's e-mail box with the subject line "Look what we got stuck sitting next to on our flight to Tampa!" And somehow, that gives them all the power in the world.


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Comments 1-10 of 38
  • vandalgrrl's Avatar
    Posted by vandalgrrl Mon Jun 9, 2008 11:00am PDT

    aww :( I'm sorry that happened to you.

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  • Tina H's Avatar
    Posted by Tina H Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:21am PDT

    I totally understand! In the last 4 yrs I have gained 65 pounds..I fell sooo self conscience everywhere I go. I mean I was a size 12 prior to the weight gain, so I was never really small. But I always imagine everywhere I go people are thinking 'Look at the fat lady'. It sucks.

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  • mijita_525's Avatar
    Posted by mijita_525 Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:51am PDT

    Those kind of people just act like jerks

    they think that they are all that and can just do what ever they want and say what ever they want. thinking that they own the world but i believe that whate ever you do to somebody will come back to you, probably even worst.

    Report Abuse
  • casselberrian's Avatar
    Posted by casselberrian Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:13pm PDT

    Wow. All the emotions beautifully captured, expressed and explained. I've been there.

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  • Renamel's Avatar
    Posted by Renamel Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:15pm PDT

    Hi there!

    I gained 30 pounds in the past 2 years, i know how hard it is to be discriminated and judged... one thing that motivates me is:

    God does not look at the things man looks at.

    Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

    so always remember that no matter what people say or how they act around you... your eyes should be in God and only God should matter to you.

    I'm with you! Be strong and happy! Praise the Lord because you are healthy!

    xoxo!

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  • elissyann's Avatar
    Posted by elissyann Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:44pm PDT

    How do you know they were laughing at you? my bf and I are always giggling over everything. And I never, ever talk to strangers on planes/busses/whatever. I just don't like most people so I try and avoid them. As for the picture, maybe he was taking a picture out the window? I dunno, I find it hard to believe human beings would act like this. 'Course that just helps my, I don't like most people, case.

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  • casselberrian's Avatar
    Posted by casselberrian Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:54pm PDT

    Elissyann, you missed the point. It doesn't matter if they were laughing at her or not, it was her response that mattered.

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  • doreen's Avatar
    Posted by doreen Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:54pm PDT

    I appreciate your honesty in telling this awful story. People are cruel. I was reminded of 8th grade recently when some coworkers thought it would be funny to nickname me 'the ethiopian' for being what they deemed as too thin. My point is there is no winning with people like them (except for the tanning booth point perhaps!)!

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  • katrijnbaetens's Avatar
    Posted by katrijnbaetens Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:56pm PDT

    hi, completely recognize your story, 've been there too. For me being fat is not to be protected, it's more that people don't look at you, they hurt the flesh, not the soul, 'cause they don't bother to look at that. Contradiction no, taking more space not to be noticed? Take care of the beauty in you and bless the people who look at the soul

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  • beccapurdue2004's Avatar
    Posted by beccapurdue2004 Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:59pm PDT

    I can relate. It's amazing how a few minutes can totally take you back to feeling incredibly small and awful! However, you've grown past 7th grade to become an eloquent, decent person. Some people never get that far!

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Comments 1-10 of 38

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