Healthy Living

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Pissed off! 3 tips to cool down before you lash out...

My brother just had a baby and my girlfriend and I were on the way to the hospital for a visit. We held hands, sang along to the latest Miley Cyrus, and enjoyed a perfect summer evening in Southern California. Could life be any better? As I was trying to make a left into the turn lane, I hesitated, thus holding up the guy in the car behind me. The guy went  absolutely bananas leaning on his horn as if avoiding a runaway freight train. In my rear view mirror, I saw his face which was seared with red hot emotion.

If you aren't the one raging, surely you've encountered similar outbursts of anger, impatience, and hostility. Earlier this week, a 28-year-old man was arrested after a road rage incident in which police say he pointed a loaded shotgun at a family. Or maybe you heard about the guy who stabbed another man with a screwdriver after arguing over a parking spot.

Have you not found yourself wanting to cuss the slow Starbucks barista, or pound your fist when the internet is down, or glare at the woman in yoga class who moans during every single pose? Why are we so impatient, angry, and hostile? With the grind of the economy and the pressure to stay afloat, not to mention the hot summer sun, it’s safe to say most of us have a shorter fuse these days. As goes the Zen proverb, “Avoid one moment of anger, and you will avoid 100 days of sorrow."

Following are 3 tips to cool down before you lash out:

1. Honor the Sacred

Author Abraham Heschel talks about how most of us live in the realm of space. We worship things, property, and technology that enable us to fill and conquer our surroundings. I would argue that at the expense of becoming more connected with the space around us, we're becoming less and less connected with the space within us. Heschel describes the importance of "the sacred"…whether it be a place or a day or a time…where technology is off limits and we can look within. The word "sacred" need not be intimidating.  I share in my book how chocolate or a little Hendrix or a nice Cabernet can be as a sacred as a scripture.

2.  Don't Lose Your Religion


With the harried state of the world, less and less Americans are turning to the sacred. Historically, the percentage of Americans who said they had no religious affiliation has been very small -- hovering between 5 percent and 10 percent. However, Harvard University Professor Robert Putnam says that percentage has now skyrocketed to between 30 percent and 40 percent among younger Americans. Without a place or tradition by which to empty the mind and soothe the soul,  the world feels like a confining space where something as simple as a moan in yoga class might as well be a meteor hurtling toward impact.

3. Take a Trip to the Diamond


As summer winds down, consider the great American pastime and head to your local baseball park. Baseball is one of the few things in our culture not based on a time clock. There’s something very Zen about going to a baseball game. Even if you don’t care about the sport, it’s a great way to blow off steam, peel away from the velocity of modern life, and soak in the fading summer sun.


by David Romanelli (www.yeahdave.com)

I invite you to check out my book, Yeah Dave's Guide to Livin' the Moment: Getting to Ecstasy through Wine, Chocolate, and your Ipod Playlist

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 48
  • Ashley's Avatar
    Posted by Ashley Fri Aug 28, 2009 12:54pm PDT

    Baseball?! For roadrage? I'm one of these people who contemplates rear-ending people who won't pick a f***ing pedal and your "tip" is to tell me to go play some baseball?! You didn't help, you just made it worse! I need something REAL. I need a solution that might actually work. All this breathe, zen, "serenity NOW" crap just doesn't do it. All this does is suppress my anger until it finally comes out. Scewdriver Stabber probably tried all these tricks and when his suppressed anger finally same out...well...you know how that ended.

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  • mark's Avatar
    Posted by mark Fri Aug 28, 2009 1:06pm PDT

    This article sucks!

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  • opiniononly's Avatar
    Posted by opiniononly Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:52pm PDT

    Leave home earlier or later, take a different route, step off the pedal, use your turn signal, use the full merge lanes, drive with respect, get off the phone, turn down the radio...but mostly, pick your battles. If you get so worked up over the fact that someone is going to make you 1 or 2 minute later for your destination because they aren't driving fast enough for you (even if they are driving according to the law), I can only shudder to think how you respond to true emergency/crisis/trama situations that life throws at us when rage is a legitimate response.

    Ashley: Someday, someone will be raging because YOU won't pick up the pedal. I hope by then that you will have developed some maturity, respect and compassion. Karma is a b**ch and you are tossing way too much junk into your universe. Chill out and go watch a baseball game :)

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  • chelsey's Avatar
    Posted by chelsey Fri Aug 28, 2009 2:55pm PDT

    Um, excuse me? Did you really just attempt to justify the stereotype that Atheists are unhappy and angry because they don't believe in God?

    No wonder people get pissed at you.

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  • Heidi's Avatar
    Posted by Heidi Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:54pm PDT

    Ashley, a heavy bag in your house does wonders. Just personal experience from a bad time in my life that caused me to be full of rage most of the time.

    Not saying that's the best answer, like baseball, for instance (who knew baseball was that medicating, LOL). But it can help. Punching on a heavy bag gets the rage out and it gives you a little endorphin rush from the physical exertion. Oh, and screaming while hitting can help, too.

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  • RJ's Avatar
    Posted by RJ Fri Aug 28, 2009 5:02pm PDT

    Yes, yes, all of us without religion and god are unhappy and angry. Big stretch there, Dave. Now, if you argued that tradition or a routine might help, then I'd be more open to your suggestions.

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  • Mary's Avatar
    Posted by Mary Sat Aug 29, 2009 9:08am PDT

    Blocking the passing lane while conversing on the phone?

    Forcing an oncoming car to brake (and looking straight at it) while ignoring a stop sign.

    Racing forward to block a car from merging?

    Broadsiding someone while ignoring a red light and claiming it is their fault?

    What human being wouldn't be angry?

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  • leigh's Avatar
    Posted by leigh Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:12am PDT

    um, this just feels like a plug for your book. nothing interesting or useful here to me. i have been to several baseball games this summer and they pissed me off too. the drunk idiots there spilling their drinks on me, hitting me in the back and head with their elbows, etc. that was so zen, i couldn't even begin to tell you. i pounded a few drinks, and suddenly i was in a zen spot too. the anger faded. religion? conforming to another man's ideas and rituals is supposed to be relaxing? sure. i loved when i used to be a member of a church for many years. i offered to help fix up the church, but they had to run it by the board members for approval. wtf?! they sent all members forms to fill out so the offerings could be automatically debited from bank accounts every sunday in case we did not make it to church services. the kicker, i got a letter telling me i was going to hell because i missed too many church services. that was a little too zen for my taste. so, i dropped the manmade, organized religion and went my own path where i could be spiritual on my own terms. i don't think i am interested in the rest of the book.

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  • Ashley's Avatar
    Posted by Ashley Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:32pm PDT

    I didn't really mean my first post LITERALLY, people. Although I am an extremely impatient, easy-irritated person with an intense frustration for lax drivers (I'm sorry YOU don't have anywhere to be but, some of us actually have don't have all day) my comment was more a sarcastic take on the riduculous "tips" that were offered.

    opiononly, I like to think of myself not so much as an aggressive driver, but of a PROgressive driver. Driver is not the time "chill out" and center yourself with the universe.

    p.s./ I act the same way at a baseball game. Nothing more frustrating than watching my team lose......except maybe traffic :)

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  • Lucky's Avatar
    Posted by Lucky Sat Aug 29, 2009 3:59pm PDT

    Great Zen saying about the moment of anger and 100 days of sorrow. We all have pet peeves and when someone acts like an idiot and in the process endangers your life on the road, you would not be normal if you didn't get angry.I guess the lesson is to control your anger and not run them down.

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Comments 1-10 of 48

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