I started running because I wanted to lose weight. It seemed a noble goal in the beginning. I had gained the freshman 15 during my first year of college, and I wanted to get back to my high school weight. It didn't take very long to get back down to where I started, less then a year. I didn't stop though. I was afraid that if I did I would gain it back. I kept running, started pushing to new distances, and started soaking up every bit of dieting knowledge I could get my hands on.
It wasn't long before it seemed like all my days were defined by calories eaten and calories burned. It was a sad existence. Every bite of forbidden food added to the miles I would have to cover in my next run. Over time, lack of nourishment caused me to lose my grip on reality and insane thinking depression took over. Running felt like the only thing that could take away the loneliness - at least for a few hours. It was a downward spiral that was tough to reverse. I ended up in a treatment center for eating disorders. It took several years before I really had my head on straight again.
Today I can run without being obsessed because I know how to eat so that my body doesn't go into starvation. I still use running to relieve stress and to keep me sane on bad days; but more often than not, the main reason I lace up my shoes and hit the streets is that I just love running in races. I love being part of a huge group of people out to accomplish a difficult goal and I love the accomplishment I feel when I reach that goal.
When I took on my first marathon about 2 years ago, I realized that finishing the race and sticking with the training program had to take a much higher priority then keeping my calorie intake down. Some days it seemed I was eating all day long just to keep myself from getting ravenous before my after work run. Power bars, bananas, bagels, cereal, I ate tons of it, choosing to ignore that little voice in my head that still whispered "you're going to get fat!". And you know what, I didn't get fat at all! I ran faster then ever, my legs got incredibly toned (something that never happened when I starved myself) and my stomach flattened out. By the the day of the race, I was eating like crazy and still down 2 sizes in pants and 6 pounds (still within a healthy bmi though).
That first marathon helped me come to the realization that I really can trust my body. It's something my therapist had told me many times, but I was reluctant to embrace. Now I know that when I am moderately active I can relax about food and just eat what I want. I listen to my hunger cues to know when to know when to stop eating, and if I do this I won't gain weight and I won't be hungry. I can even indulge my sweet tooth without sweating it. Now when I go out for a run, its not because I want to lose or maintain weight, its because I enjoy feeling the natural athlete in me come out and rise to pursue a new goal.
If you've ever thought about training for a marathon or half marathon, I would definitely encourage you to do it! It will bring a positive motivation to your work-out routine that you can't find in weight-loss. If you are already doing some kind of cardio regularly, you are likely fit enough to start a beginner training program. I'm going to start training next month for the Nike Women's Marathon and Half Marathon with Team in Training and I invite you to join me. Check out my new training blog at http://balancingact.typepad.com for information and to follow my training journey.
Running to lose weight? Consider a new motivation.
- by , on Tue Apr 22, 2008 2:41pm PDT
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Comments 1-8 of 8
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Posted by Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:00pm PDT
Report AbuseI just ran my first marathon in March. I had the same goal as you...to lose weight, but I really didn't lose any weight, which in the end wound up being perfectly okay because I had never felt so good in my own body EVER! It's Amazing what the body can do if you trust it, feed it, and love it.
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Posted by Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:23pm PDT
Report AbuseThanks for sharing your story! I am cheering you on as you train and train others. Keep us updated!
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Posted by Wed Apr 23, 2008 12:05am PDT
Report AbuseI need help. Before I had children I was a healthy 135 size twelve woman. I am pretty tall so I looked skinny. Now that My oldest is almost a teenager I can't seem to loose any weight at all and my kids are saying something about it. I am 142lbs. overweight. I eat once a day because I have a shrunken stomach and can't eat much. I still can't loose weight. I don't know what to do about excersise any more because everything I have tried has failed, the doctors don't even have an explanation! My cholesterol is fine, my blood sugars are low. However I still can't loose weight and I am only getting bigger. As I get bigger, it gets harder and harder to move around because I have very weak legs and feet due to surgery that I had years ago. Please someone help me I am desperate.
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Posted by Wed Apr 23, 2008 7:20am PDT
Report AbuseI'll definitely be cheering you on as you train for the marathon! Looking forward to your updates :).
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Posted by Wed Apr 23, 2008 1:21pm PDT
Report AbuseSissy, maybe you should get a second opinion from another doctor. There has to be a medical explanation for you getting bigger. Is the weight obvious in just one location? If it is maybe it's tumor related. Definitely get a second opion from a doctor though.
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Posted by Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:56pm PDT
Report Abusethis blog is great..This past summer i myself became an exercise addict and lost some serious weight and went into a depression as well.. Right now i am currently in treatment and it is still a struggle to not go running for miles upon miles just for the purpose of burning off my calories,but im getting better, getting back to the point where i can once again use running as a form of enjoyment rather than a way to loose weight. Like you talked about in a previous post about how you thought about the way you used to look to get your head back on the ground..that is definitly a way i think now when i feel guilty about something.
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Posted by Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:56pm PDT
Report Abusethis blog is great..This past summer i myself became an exercise addict and lost some serious weight and went into a depression as well.. Right now i am currently in treatment and it is still a struggle to not go running for miles upon miles just for the purpose of burning off my calories,but im getting better, getting back to the point where i can once again use running as a form of enjoyment rather than a way to loose weight. Like you talked about in a previous post about how you thought about the way you used to look to get your head back on the ground..that is definitly a way i think now when i feel guilty about something.
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Posted by Sat Apr 26, 2008 9:48am PDT
Report AbuseWow, I see so much of my own thinking in what was written here. I'm very hard on myself in terms of what I eat even though I run 3x a week and sometimes more and if I have trouble completing a workout, I feel like a complete failure. My world seems comsumed by what I eat, when I eat, and my workout.
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