I started running because I wanted to lose weight. It seemed a noble goal in the beginning. I had gained the freshman 15 during my first year of college, and I wanted to get back to my high school weight. It didn't take very long to get back down to where I started, less then a year. I didn't stop though. I was afraid that if I did I would gain it back. I kept running, started pushing to new distances, and started soaking up every bit of dieting knowledge I could get my hands on.

It wasn't long before it seemed like all my days were defined by calories eaten and calories burned. It was a sad existence. Every bite of forbidden food added to the miles I would have to cover in my next run. Over time, lack of nourishment caused me to lose my grip on reality and insane thinking depression took over. Running felt like the only thing that could take away the loneliness - at least for a few hours. It was a downward spiral that was tough to reverse. I ended up in a treatment center for eating disorders. It took several years before I really had my head on straight again.

Today I can run without being obsessed because I know how to eat so that my body doesn't go into starvation. I still use running to relieve stress and to keep me sane on bad days; but more often than not, the main reason I lace up my shoes and hit the streets is that I just love running in races. I love being part of a huge group of people out to accomplish a difficult goal and I love the accomplishment I feel when I reach that goal.

When I took on my first marathon about 2 years ago, I realized that finishing the race and sticking with the training program had to take a much higher priority then keeping my calorie intake down. Some days it seemed I was eating all day long just to keep myself from getting ravenous before my after work run. Power bars, bananas, bagels, cereal, I ate tons of it, choosing to ignore that little voice in my head that still whispered "you're going to get fat!".  And you know what, I didn't get fat at all!  I ran faster then ever, my legs got incredibly toned (something that never happened when I starved myself) and my stomach flattened out. By the the day of the race, I was eating like crazy and still down 2 sizes in pants and 6 pounds (still within a healthy bmi though).

That first marathon helped me come to the realization that I really can trust my body. It's something my therapist had told me many times, but I was reluctant to embrace. Now I know that when I am moderately active I can relax about food and just eat what I want. I listen to my hunger cues to know when to know when to stop eating, and if I do this I won't gain weight and I won't be hungry. I can even indulge my sweet tooth without sweating it. Now when I go out for a run, its not because I want to lose or maintain weight, its because I enjoy feeling the natural athlete in me come out and rise to pursue a new goal.

If you've ever thought about training for a marathon or half marathon, I would definitely encourage you to do it!  It will bring a positive motivation to your work-out routine that you can't find in weight-loss. If you are already doing some kind of cardio regularly, you are likely fit enough to start a beginner training program. I'm going to start training next month for the Nike Women's Marathon and Half Marathon with Team in Training and I invite you to join me. Check out my new training blog at http://balancingact.typepad.com for information and to follow my training journey.