OK, I need some thoughts on this. I am still a little out-of-sorts about it...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. He is my life, I love him dearly. When we met, one of the first things I asked him was if he smoked. OK, let me be really clear on this-I have nothing against smokers whatsoever; I am very sensitive to any kind of smoking and it causes me to get physically ill. He said he did not smoke; he did smoke in the past, but then only occasionally smoked while having a drink, etc. I did not mind that, as long as I don't have to be around him when he is smoking. Again, I get physically sick. OK, so fast forward 3 1/2 years. He came in the other night, and smelled like cigarette smoke. I immediately noticed it and asked him about it, and he said that he rode home with his friend (that smokes), and it must've been on his clothes. (I knew he had not been drinking) I left it at that, because I have no reason not to trust him; we've been together this long and he's never lied to me. Well, the next night, he came in smelling like cigarette smoke again, and I point blank asked him if he was smoking again. After much hesitation, he said yes, that he had started back because he was stressed out at work. He works for a huge apt complex in a college town and most of the kids are constantly ruining the apts and he constantly has parents ranting at him about something. I can understand the stress very well; I just believe there are other ways to deal with it other than this. Well, he spends a month each July/August doing "shut down" where all the students move out and they get ready for new students to come in. This is evidently the time when he decided he would pick up smoking again. He said the stress just got to him and he decided to smoke one. Well, apparently, one turned into ten a day. I know that may not sound like a lot, but it is very troubling to me. I am concerned about his health as well; he has a bad history of cancer in his family (several cases of lung cancer alone). I do realize of course that smoking doesn't cause cancer, but it certainly "adds fuel to the fire" if you have a medical history like his family. He has promised to quit, and I am encouraging him of course. He said he doesn't want to smoke; and I believe him. I am just a little upset that he wasn't honest with me to begin with; that I had to drag it out of him. It's making me wonder if there are other things that he's not being honest about. Is this something I should worry about or just let it go? Your thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!
Secret Smoker
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Posted by Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:21pm PDT
Report Abusei think that he was just either really embarrassed or feeling really guilty that he did it. he just wants you to be happy, and maybe thats the reason why he lied to you. he says that he wants to change but the big thing is that he wants to change for you. he knows that smoking may increase his chances of cancer but he starts again because it has helped him out before, but tell him that in the long run its gonna ruin him rather than help him.
on the other hand he couldve lied to you so he could do what he wanted and not cared about your opinion or your health. one small lie can lead to a bigger one, and you never know when something bigger is going to happen.
those are the two views that i have, one better than the other, but i think its more in the personality of your boyfriend to figure this out. if hes a nice guy, go with the first one, if hes had a history of meanness hes the second one. haha yea, thats my opinion. theres probably a lot of other options out there. i hope it works out with you :]
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Posted by Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:24pm PDT
Report AbuseChantix will fix that problem. I used to be a heavy smoker, but stopped after taking Chantix.
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Posted by Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:27pm PDT
Report AbuseI doubt that he is dishonest just because he's having a hard time kicking an old habit. Encourage him to try the nicotine patch because yes, smoking does cause cancer. And cigarettes are expensive! That money could be better spent elsewhere.
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Posted by Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:35pm PDT
Report AbuseThanks Thanh & Patty L! He is a quiet person by nature, and I do feel like he wants us to be happy. I am encouraging him, because I feel like he does want to stop. Maybe he was just embarrased or guilty. Thanks for your help. He said he was going to the dr to get a prescription; I hope it is for Chantix. He said he took something before when he smoked (before we met) that helped him quit. I will be sure to ask him if that's it. Thanks for your comments! They are very encouraging. :)
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Posted by Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:39pm PDT
Report AbuseThanks, Springtime. I hope you are right. I am trying to be patient with him, because at least he has agreed that he needs to quit. He has promised to go the dr and get something to help. And yes! Cigarettes are very expensive! The money could certainly be put to better use. Thanks for your advice. :)
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Posted by Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:54am PDT
Report AbuseI know what your going threw so hang in their and help him that habit.
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Posted by Wed Aug 20, 2008 8:54am PDT
Report AbuseI know what your going threw so hang in their and help him that habit.
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