Healthy Living

Friday, December 4, 2009

Self-image Issues Reinforced: No one lets me be happy being me

Where I can't say I am a different case from the rest of the world, I like to think that I am in a unique (and frustrating) sort of situation. On a day to day basis, as a 20-21 year old, I am very happy with how I look, the decisions I make for myself in terms of eating and exercise, and my life-style.

Occasionally I'll feel the need to shed a few to at most 10 lbs of fat which I think is pretty typical for any North American citizen (at least). But that takes time and the right motivation/inspiration to get that going at a good momentum.

I'd like to also think that motivation is influenced by family, right? DEFINITELY. Unfortunately for me, my family is de-motivating me and upsetting me rather. They constantly limit me and stop me from eating certain things as if I was 6 years old (I only eat until I'm about 80-90% full), and that I need to lose my muscle mass/fat that I have around my body. My friends, on the other hand, tell me I look great, that the boys have always turn heads to me, and I'm not "overweight" at all (and I do sincerely believe them).

I have a very muscular build that I get naturally (I don't work-out) and my family perceives my naturally wide-body frame as a warning that I will be/am noticeably overweight. But how they compare me with their ideal weight for me is with the stereotypical ASIAN girl build. (I'm Asian, btw...) Which is the very VERY petite frame with A to B-cups and very flat stomach/butt/no muscle whatsoever sorts.

I can't get rid of my C-cups. I can't get rid of my muscles that I have that give me that butt and shaped calves! I had an Asian-language teacher one time tell me when I was just 15 to "don't work-out/exercise so much.... You don't want to have too much muscle. It's unattractive on girls." I was absolutely floored when I heard that!

I just want my family and everyone in my life with that Asian-narrow-minded view on how Asian girls to look to disappear and shut-up. It's ruining my self-esteem and I can't seem to ever just be happy with myself (even though DEEP down I am because I have all the right curves in the right places)!

The only time I ever satisfied my very Asian family in terms of my weight, was when I dropped to a very unhealthy weight which caused me to feel or to actually faint when I walked. Why was that considered satisfactory to my family?!

Stubbornly, as well, I only start exercising when I choose to. I typically get the motivation to exercise quite often, unfortunately right when I feel the need to exercise a family member also feels the need to tell me that I "should" go exercise to lose some of the weight. This makes me lose my original personal motivation and I end up not doing anything in the end. I hate how my family kills my motivation! Don't they realize if they left me alone, I would have gone out to run?! I know it's very immature to react that way, but hey! They treat me like I'm 6 already!

Every time I think about it... I feel like the only way my family will ever get off my case is to starve again and become unhealthily thin just so they get off my case. I can't stand being the center of attention in terms of my "fat". It's been over 20 years, and I am starting to think I'll forever have weight-issues caused and constantly reinforced by my ENTIRE family.

How can I just be happy with myself and be supported and get the rest of my family to FINALLY leave me alone?

Just a silohuette of my body so you get an idea of my size.

Just a silohuette of my body so you get an idea of my size.



Vent... over. :)
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Comments 1-4 of 4
  • Spam I Am's Avatar
    Posted by Spam I Am Mon Aug 17, 2009 9:05am PDT

    Your first paragraph says it all. You are happy with yourself.

    When you're on your own (I'm assuming that you aren't) things will be

    different. Keep your eyes on the prize.

    Report Abuse
  • Marymelisa's Avatar
    Posted by Marymelisa Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:40am PDT

    I think u r beautiful inside and it will naturally beautify your feeling . Dont let anyone get u down on hw u look .

    I have kids , and i know why yr parents said that to u , as they dont mean to let u down . maybe they dont know hw to express their feeling . i do think u listen it hard . I think u shld treat their command as they want u to be healthy inside and outside .

    I have been trying the same tactic to get my children to exercise , they r not big size , but i only want them to be healthy that all .

    hope u happy with yourself ...... god bless u

    Report Abuse
  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:11pm PDT

    I don't understand, dear. Do they use a form of "mind control" on you? You are your own person. They cannot control how you think unless you let them. When one of them tells you something just say "duly noted" or "thanks for that suggestion" and do what your own heart and mind tells you to do. Perhaps in time, they will see you are your own person and will respect your decisions about your body, your life-style, etc. Remember you are still young and I understand 20-21 y.o. people think they are mature and know everything already; trust me I was 21 once and thought that very same way. My daughter, who is 31 now, came to me one day and said, "now I understand all those things you tried to tell me when I was 20. Thanks." Your family means well. Listen to their advice, process what they've said, and use what is meaningful to you.

    Hopefully, in time, they will mutually respect your decisions and how you've chosen to live your life.

    Grammie B

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  • Mrs. Carol B's Avatar
    Posted by Mrs. Carol B Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:12pm PDT

    P.S. I think you are a lovely young lady. Be happy.

    Report Abuse
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