Occasionally I'll feel the need to shed a few to at most 10 lbs of fat which I think is pretty typical for any North American citizen (at least). But that takes time and the right motivation/inspiration to get that going at a good momentum.
I'd like to also think that motivation is influenced by family, right? DEFINITELY. Unfortunately for me, my family is de-motivating me and upsetting me rather. They constantly limit me and stop me from eating certain things as if I was 6 years old (I only eat until I'm about 80-90% full), and that I need to lose my muscle mass/fat that I have around my body. My friends, on the other hand, tell me I look great, that the boys have always turn heads to me, and I'm not "overweight" at all (and I do sincerely believe them).
I have a very muscular build that I get naturally (I don't work-out) and my family perceives my naturally wide-body frame as a warning that I will be/am noticeably overweight. But how they compare me with their ideal weight for me is with the stereotypical ASIAN girl build. (I'm Asian, btw...) Which is the very VERY petite frame with A to B-cups and very flat stomach/butt/no muscle whatsoever sorts.
I can't get rid of my C-cups. I can't get rid of my muscles that I have that give me that butt and shaped calves! I had an Asian-language teacher one time tell me when I was just 15 to "don't work-out/exercise so much.... You don't want to have too much muscle. It's unattractive on girls." I was absolutely floored when I heard that!
I just want my family and everyone in my life with that Asian-narrow-minded view on how Asian girls to look to disappear and shut-up. It's ruining my self-esteem and I can't seem to ever just be happy with myself (even though DEEP down I am because I have all the right curves in the right places)!
The only time I ever satisfied my very Asian family in terms of my weight, was when I dropped to a very unhealthy weight which caused me to feel or to actually faint when I walked. Why was that considered satisfactory to my family?!
Stubbornly, as well, I only start exercising when I choose to. I typically get the motivation to exercise quite often, unfortunately right when I feel the need to exercise a family member also feels the need to tell me that I "should" go exercise to lose some of the weight. This makes me lose my original personal motivation and I end up not doing anything in the end. I hate how my family kills my motivation! Don't they realize if they left me alone, I would have gone out to run?! I know it's very immature to react that way, but hey! They treat me like I'm 6 already!
Every time I think about it... I feel like the only way my family will ever get off my case is to starve again and become unhealthily thin just so they get off my case. I can't stand being the center of attention in terms of my "fat". It's been over 20 years, and I am starting to think I'll forever have weight-issues caused and constantly reinforced by my ENTIRE family.
How can I just be happy with myself and be supported and get the rest of my family to FINALLY leave me alone?
Just a silohuette of my body so you get an idea of my size.
Vent... over. :)
