Would you like to find peace from emotional eating? Here are 10
tips that helped me overcome overeating:
1. Embrace your stuff.
Overeating, food addiction and a negative body image are some of my
life issues. If you’re reading this, you may have similar issues.
Embrace them. It’s God’s way of waking you up to your true self:
your spirit. Don’t be envious of other women who don’t have food
issues. (They have their stuff, too; it’s just in a different
form.) For whatever reason, overeating is your issue. Welcome
it: what can it teach you? How can it help you become whole?
Overeating may be your greatest teacher.
2. Unravel your overeating hairball.
Overeating is never about food. Food is the cure, your attempt to
care for yourself, albeit in a harmful way. I have spent years
unraveling my food hairball, and have learned so much about myself
in the process. Food is the window to my soul, teaching me about
all my dark sides, the places that scare and shame me. As I expose
them, accept them, forgive them, and integrate them, I heal these
broken parts of myself. And then, from this place of wholeness, I
find the courage and love to make positive changes.
Why do you overeat? Are you willing to dig deep?
3. Ask for help.
There is a world of help out there: so many fabulous authors and books. I believe
we live in a benevolent universe, and that if you ask for help, all
kinds of resources will come to your aid. Read. Join a support
group. Reach out to others.
While you’re at it, ask other women for help, too. Do you have a
friend you can call when you’re feeling a need to binge? Do you
have another friend who will be your exercise accountability
partner? Do you know someone who will grocery shop with you? Is
there a woman who's conquered her food issues and could serve
as a mentor? Ask. We aren't meant to tough it out on our
own.
Many of us carry internal voices that shame us for needing help; we feel foolish and embarrassed about our inability to make healthy food choices. Our minds tell us we should know better. We feel like we should know the answers, what to do, how to change --- after all, isn't weight loss just a matter of eating less, eating healthier foods, and exercising more? But this kind of thinking is unkind and unhelpful. What would it take to accept that you need help, to embrace your lack of knowledge, to embrace your beginner status with healthy eating? Once you accept where you are, you drop the shame about needing help.
We are human beings, designed for intimacy, support and
connection. We are meant to help one another. Ask. Believe you are
worthy of help, support, love and care. Drop the unrealistic
expectation that you should have all the answers.
4. You are not your thoughts.
If your mind tells you you’re fat, you don’t have to believe it. If
your mind tells you that you can’t live without a cookie, you don’t
have to believe it, either. A thought is just a thought. It doesn’t
mean it’s true. It's so easy to become attached to them, to
define ourselves by them, to let our thoughts shame and control our
behavior. Question your thoughts —- they are like clouds in the
sky. Your true self, my dear, is the sun.
An easy way to question your thoughts is by talking back to
them. When my thinking goes haywire (like trying to justify eating
my favorite binge foods, like raisins or granola, because
they're "healthier" than ice cream or sodas), I talk
back to myself. I'll say, "Oh, really?" Or, "not
helpful." When I feel an intense desire to overeat, I sit with
it. I ask it, "What do you need from me? How can I soothe
you?" Overeating, at its root, is always about fear. This fear
speaks to us through our minds, with our thoughts, and through our
bodies, with emotions and sensations. Questioning your thoughts can
help you uncover the fear (and all its many guises --- anxiety,
rage, depression, frustration, shame, judgment, loathing, and
criticism) and then heal it. Questioning my self-talk quiets my
fears and helps me separate from the mind talk that leads me to
unconscious overeating.
5. Examine your fear.
Try this exercise: Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes,
and breathe deeply for several breaths. Now ask yourself these
questions: What would I do if I was not afraid? What am I afraid
of? Where do I feel fear in my body? I’ve asked myself these
questions consistently for a couple years, and have been amazed at
the answers. Many are connected to my overeating. I realized I was
afraid of being beautiful. I was afraid of embracing my life
purpose (it’s scary to share your heart with the world; much easier
to forget your passion and eat.) I was afraid of scarcity, of there
not being enough to go around. I was afraid of being vulnerable, of
appearing foolish and naive and dumb --- like an idiot because I
couldn't control myself around food. I was afraid of change ---
if I let go of the reins, if I release and trust, what guarantee is
there that I'll be okay, that I'll get what I need? What
are your fears? I guarantee that your fears and your overeating are
good friends.
As the Reverend Ed Bacon said so eloquently: "You're either living in the house of fear, or in the house of love." When we care for ourselves from a place of love, it's as natural and easy as a mother caring for a baby. When we're hungry, we eat. When we're full, we stop. When we're tired, we rest. When we're thirsty, we drink. We move to enjoy the delight of our physical bodies --- not as penance for eating too much or punishment for weighing too much.
By contrast, if we're living in the house of fear, feeling
afraid, angry, lonely, resentful, sad, frustrated or anxious, we
may eat to feel better, calling it love, comfort, self-soothing and
nurturing. The difference is in how we feel. Love always brings its
own reward, the fruits of the spirit: peace, gentleness,
compassion, self-discipline, kindness. Fear brings anger, jealousy,
resentment, frustration, criticism, hatred, judgment, and control.
Fear brings shame. Fear brings only temporary relief, because
unless we feel, embrace and release the fears underneath our
eating, they'll pop up over and over and over again (gifts
designed to help us heal) until we finally face them.
6. Accept your limitations.
This was a toughie for me. When I was working on healing my
overeating, I realized that I didn’t really want to stop
overeating. What I really wanted was to be able to eat
candy, pastries, ice cream, fried foods, and all sorts of junk and
not gain weight. I wanted to be free from the consequences of my
actions: to get away with eating crappy food, without
suffering an adverse effects.
However, accepting myself – I’m sugar
sensitive, which means that once I eat a bite of cake I
will eat the whole thing - meant accepting that I couldn’t
eat sugar (or foods that act like sugar in my body.) It meant
honoring my body with food choices that make me feel good:
some meat, lots and lots of vegetables, nuts, seeds, fats, and
fruit in moderation.
I have spent several years going off and on sugar. I had to come to
the point where I realized that abstaining from sugar isn’t depriving myself, but
nurturing myself. What are your limitations? What works for
your body? What are the consequences of your food choices?
(We're all different: I only share what works for me
because people ask, and sometimes it's helpful to have an
example.) Support yourself by recognizing your triggers, and by
being honest: are you trying to get away with something?
7. Plan for your success.
Here’s how I plan for my success: I eat at least three meals
a day, including breakfast, everyday. I do my best to get a good
night’s sleep (it’s hard to make healthy food choices when you’re
exhausted.) I make time for exercise 5-6 days a week. I plan my
meals and grocery store outings. I keep my home stocked with
healthy foods so that I don't grab junk or sugar because
I'm hungry. When I’m going out to dinner, I choose a restaurant
that has something I like to eat. At times, I’ve asked my family to
hide certain foods from me, or to not bring certain foods into the
house. I don’t buy Halloween candy until Halloween and I do very
little Christmas baking. I bring healthy dishes to potlucks so that
I know I'll have something to eat. I carry food with me when I
run lots of errands or will be gone for the day.
Yes, living this way takes time and planning. Yes, it's a
commitment. But I live this way because of the benefits that I
receive: stable weight, freedom from binging, the
groundedness that comes with structure and routine, lower stress,
and the esteem that comes from caring for myself in a healthy way.
Each time I care for myself, I affirm my value and worth.
Self-care, after all, is just love in action.
Sometimes we're hesitant to care for ourselves because we
think it will make us look "high maintenance," different
from others, neurotic, or fixated on food or our health. Yes, in
the beginning, changing our habits and our behaviors is an
intensive process. We may appear out of balance as we direct much
of our thoughts, time and energy to our healing. But this shifts
over time, and it becomes more automatic, part of our normal
routine: a habit, in every good sense of the word. As our new
way of eating and caring for ourselves becomes integrated into our
daily life, we lessen our intensity, lose some of our fear (Will I
know what to eat at the party? Can I make kind food choices while
traveling? Will I be able to make this change for good?) and trust
ourselves. We appear less high maintenance and more grounded, the
result of all our efforts. Our attention shifts. Even though we
stay committed to a lifestyle of self-care, we don't have to
think about it all the time, or focus on it as intensely. I liken
it to learning to drive a stick shift: at first, it takes
much of our concentration. But then it becomes easy and
natural.
8. Start where you are.
You can start over, at any time. Did you just gorge yourself on
chocolate ice cream? Okay, start over, right now. Put down the
spoon. Just because you ate too much ice cream doesn’t mean that
you have to add brownies, potato chips, and french fries to your
plate. Every moment is a fresh opportunity. Did you overeat
yesterday? Start over today: eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and
dinner, of light, clean, whole foods. If you fast in a misguided
attempt to save calories, you’ll only end up starving at dinner.
And guess what? You’ll be primed for another binge. This is a form
of punishment, or an attempt to save yourself from the consequences
of your actions. You can't change yesterday, or even a minute
ago if you overate. Yes, you may have an upset stomach. Yes, you
may experience some short term (or not so short term) weight gain.
But that's okay. Forgive yourself and move forward, instead of
trying to solve yesterday's problems with unkindness, such as
trying not to eat in order to "make up" for the previous
day's binge.
You may need to "snap yourself" out of a binge.
It's almost like being in a trance, where you're mindless
and eating without thinking. So leave the kitchen or even your
house if you need to; take a bath or a shower, a cleansing ritual
in itself; pray, meditate, listen to peaceful music; take a walk
(moving helps remove the energy from your body), call a support
person or friend; brew yourself a pot of tea (Celestial
Seasoning's Tummy Mint is wonderful for a bloated digestive
system filled with too much food) and give yourself a foot massage,
cry, vent, do deep breathing. Then plan for how you'll care for
yourself the next day, because you may be feeling regretful, sad,
ashamed, bloated and gassy, frustrated, angry, or any number of
mixed emotions. The day after a binge, I always schedule a
workout to help cleanse my body of intense emotions. I cook
simple foods with protein and vegetables as a kindness to my
digestive system. I often meditate or pray and offer myself
compassion with self-talk: I love you so much. Even
though you binged last night, I love you. I will care for you
today. Soothe yourself as a mother would a child.
9. Practice exquisite self care.
If you’re denying your needs for comfort, love, sustenance, joy,
and beauty, you will fulfill those needs, somehow. But instead of a
pampering bath or an hour with a novel, you’ll overeat, overspend,
drink excessively, gamble, or smoke. Pamper yourself like a queen.
Buy yourself flowers. Groom yourself impeccably. Paint your nails.
Do whatever makes your heart sing, but do it regularly. Feed your
spirit with self care, and your body’s hungers won’t be so
demanding.
Many of us live energy draining lives. We neglect are
"burning yesses" at the expense of the urgent --- the
laundry, the cleaning, our children, all the ways we give to others
but don't give to ourselves. No, we don't want to ignore
our responsibilities: neglect can be just as energy draining.
But we may need to come into greater balance. Ask yourself:
what can I let go of? What can I delegate? How can I support myself
so that my life has more purpose, power, joy and passion? That is
feeding your spirit: making space to live out your deepest
values instead of giving yourself the scraps of your time and
energy, the leftovers after everyone else has had their fill. No
wonder our appetites are insatiable: our spirits are starving
for our love and attention.
10. Eat.
This last tip sounds almost comical. You might say, “That’s the
least of my problems!” But, I realized much of my overeating
stemmed from real physical hunger. I was trying to eat as little as
possible throughout the day, because I was always trying to lose
10, 15, or 20 pounds. By dinnertime, I was famished and would eat
three meals instead of one. I overate not from a lack of willpower,
but because I was simply hungry. You can't fight biology. You
are an animal: you have to eat. Our bodies need healthy fuel.
Undereating feels terrible; it's been likened to breathing
through a straw. At some point, your body will need to take a deep
breath.
That being said, sometimes we don't know how to read true hunger. We can interpret thirst and fatigue for hunger, using food to boost our energy rather than rest and water. We can also cause intense hunger in our bodies by eating processed foods, lots of sugar, and other refined foods. While this kind of hunger feels physical, it's based on our bodies reaction to eating unhealthy foods that cause wild swings in our blood sugar. It's also easy to disguise emotional hunger for physical hunger.
Most overeaters want to lose weight. Months or years of poor habits have led to consequences, such as weight gain. It's natural and normal to want to fix this. But you may need to focus on one goal at a time. First focus on eating to your balance point --- where you are comfortably full ---- and ridding yourself of your food addictions. Then, when you’re eating three solid meals a day, on a regular basis, work on losing the weight. It’s very, very hard to stop overeating when you’re hungry. Put the weight loss goal aside, just temporarily, while you work on balancing your eating. The irony is that by feeding yourself regularly and by removing your addictive foods you will be less inclined to overeat. And guess what? You’ll probably lose weight: the natural, organic consequence of self-care.
Other articles that may interest you:My Sugar Addiction Story: How I Made Peace with Food
My struggle with body image: how I learned to love my body
10 Steps to a Healthy Body (and body image)
6 Ways to Show Compassion to Yourself with Self-Talk
4 Ways to Love Your Body Before You Lose Weight
For more information on overcoming overeating or sugar addiction, download my free ebook, Overcoming Sugar Addiction, or sign up for my free monthly newsletters on Firstourselves.com on self-care, staying sugar free, and loving your body. I'll also be leading weekend seminars on using self-care to overcome sugar addiction in 2009. Subscribe to my newsletters to stay posted.
[photo credit: Getty Images]
