Healthy Living

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

User Post: How to talk to your kids about obesity

You’ve heard how devastating the effects of obesity can be on your child’s health. Headlines like these seem to be growing:


Of course, you don’t want your kids’ weight to take its toll on their health. But talking to them about obesity can be a touchy subject. You have to know what to say… and what not to say.

No forbidden foods

You may have good intentions when you tell your kids not to eat certain foods - like maybe something that’s loaded with fat and calories. But psychologist, Dr. Stacey of Every Woman Has an Eating Disorder, says telling them they can’t eat something could backfire.

“Two things can happen,” she explains. “They think fat is bad or carbs are bad so they just stop eating them or really restrict them. Then you have someone who could potentially become anorexic. Or if they feel deprived either physiologically or psychologically, there’s a tendency to compensate and overeat or binge eat.”

Health versus weight

So how should you talk to kids about obesity? Dr. Stacey says it’s critical to take the emphasis off of weight and instead focus on how healthy eating and healthy exercise are good for your body.

“If we focus on what a healthy diet can do for you, for your body, instead of how it’s going to make you look, and focus on how exercise is good for you rather than how it’s going to make you look, it’s a movement in the right direction,” she says.

Body image expert, Leslie Goldman of Never Say Diet, agrees. She says a good place to teach kids about healthy foods is at the grocery store.

“If they point to something on the shelf, say, ‘What does this have that’s good for us? How can this make you stronger? Does it have calcium in it? Does it have fruits and vegetables? Maybe something like this would be a better choice.’ Make it part of the learning experience,” she explains. “That way they still have a role in picking it but you’re not saying, ‘No, that’s too fattening.”

It’s all in the language

It may seem strange, but if you have a child who is overweight, both experts stress, don’t even mention weight. So, what should you say?

“Let’s go for a walk today. It feels good to exercise. It’s good for our bodies,” suggests Dr. Stacey,

Goldman adds, “Encourage them to get involved in physical activities that will help them move. But never say to them, ‘You’re heavy’ or ‘You’re fat.’ That could just destroy a child.”

Watch your words

We’ve stressed before how parents are role models when it comes to diet and exercise. And the same goes for how you talk about yourself and food when you’re around your kids.

Goldman, says, “If you’re turning around in the mirror looking at yourself from behind saying, ‘Oh my God - my butt is so huge’ or ‘I hate my thighs’ or you’re at the restaurant and you say ‘Oh I can’t get the fettucine, it’s so fattening’, your kids are going to pick up on that.”

So, watch what you say. Use the right words to get your kids to eat right and exercise. Their healthy weight is sure to follow.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 22
  • HawkeyeGirl's Avatar
    Posted by HawkeyeGirl Thu Feb 19, 2009 7:40am PST

    This is an extremely difficult topic to broach. I was maybe 10lbs overweight in high school, and both of my parents were obese. Once I went to visit my Grandmother for an afternoon, and she finally exploded, "God, do you EVER stop eating?!" I was so devastated that my favorite Grandmother (a professional baker with a house full of cookies, cakes and pastries, no less) would scream such a thing at me, that I DID stop eating-for about four years.

    Now I'm 30 years old with a good career and lots of friends, and I managed to conquer the worst of my food demons after being hospitalized with anorexia. I'm still pretty thin and work out at the gym like crazy every day, but I refuse to weigh myself or count calories anymore.

    I know my Grandmother didn't intend to send me spiraling into anorexia, but I can't forget that comment, either. I still have issues with romantic relationships-I'm terrified that in an intimate moment, a boyfriend might touch a spot of my body that has a bit of fat on it and be repulsed by me. I know it's not rational (or even true!) but that's what I deal with psychologically.

    Anyway, the moral of my twisted life is that HOW you say something is very important to kids. Trust me, a teen knows that they are overweight, they need encouragement and motivation, not accusations that trigger deep-seeded insecurities to cut loose.

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  • Liz's Avatar
    Posted by Liz Thu Feb 19, 2009 2:42pm PST

    Nicely done.

    I 100% LOVE and SUPPORT the notion that NO foods should ever be off limits to kids.

    I've treated eating disorders and have worked with kids. I saw the saddest thing in the world once. A client I was treating was out food shopping with her mom and mom also happened to be an aerobics instructor at my gym. (small communities) My client was only slightly overweight for her age and mostly dealing with emotional issues. She was asking her mom for some sort of ice cream and mom went into a nutrionista-style tyraid about right foods and wrong foods and fit not fat and eating to live. This little girl was just crumbling slowly under the weight of her super-skinny mom's words. She was only 9 but very intelligent (parentified oldest child). The poor kid.

    Anyway. I grew up learning about all foods in moderation and survived anorexia (see, even the best parents with the best intentions can't stop certain things from transpiring so don't blame yourself too much) So, let them eat cake and don't make your issue with food their issue with food.

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  • Zeplin522's Avatar
    Posted by Zeplin522 Thu Feb 19, 2009 4:08pm PST

    My children sad to say know first hand what being overweight can

    do to a person. Their father died last year from complications

    of Type2 diabetes. I am a tall thin perosn and always have been.

    My fathers side of the family has a history of heart disease,

    and as cliche as it sounds, I always thougt an once of prevention

    is worth a pound of cure. My children are also thin with very

    good eating habits. With two strikes against them it is extremly

    important to their health, and thank God they both know that.

    My husband had the disease for 30 years, 25 of which we were

    married, and I and my daughter became quite expert on the disease.

    The two main things to keep this disease at bay is a healthy

    weight and daily exercise. My husband never took his disease

    seriously and it cost him his life, the last 5 years, he went

    into kidney failure, heart disease and was loosing his sight.

    He was always overweight and like I said didnt take it seriously

    and it is and as I and make children know fist hand can and

    does have serious consequences.

    Report Abuse
  • FatFighterTV's Avatar
    Posted by FatFighterTV Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:43pm PST

    HawkeyeGirl - Wow, thanks for sharing such a personal story. I'm sorry you are still dealing with the words from so long ago. Hopefully by sharing what happened to you, it will help others not let it happen to other kids.

    Report Abuse
  • FatFighterTV's Avatar
    Posted by FatFighterTV Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:46pm PST

    Thanks for your input, Lizbeth! And I'm glad you are doing okay now.

    Report Abuse
  • FatFighterTV's Avatar
    Posted by FatFighterTV Thu Feb 19, 2009 6:48pm PST

    zeplin522 - So Sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story - maybe it will touch a nerve with someone who reads it.

    Report Abuse
  • Habanero♥™'s Avatar
    Posted by Habanero♥™ Fri Feb 20, 2009 4:33am PST

    This is a great article and one that unfortunately not many will respond to. It is easier to avoid the whole health issue for most. I will never again allow my boys to drink a soda under my roof. When they were growing up I limited their soda use, Kids all around them were having severe health issues and weight concerns. As I read up about the effects of soda on children, I realized it was time to get them off the stuff. It was a smart move and that was 12 years ago. They are healthy, thin and their bones are healthy. It is the only thing I disallowed. I can think of not one reason for a parent to give a child a soda. Not one.

    I hope you get thousands of hits on this great blog.

    Report Abuse
  • a's Avatar
    Posted by a Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:02am PST

    I'd let my kids drink soda- but only if they walked their butts to the store to get it.

    Report Abuse
  • princessana317's Avatar
    Posted by princessana317 Fri Feb 20, 2009 12:18pm PST

    thanks for posting this. i was someone who was criticized by my whole family as a child growing up, and ive had pretty much any eating disorder that you can think of. it is very important to watch the language that you use when communicating with children...it can have harsher side effects on your children than you know.

    Report Abuse
  • Zeplin522's Avatar
    Posted by Zeplin522 Sat Feb 21, 2009 4:01am PST

    I was thinking that this was a good and informative blog and people

    would respond, but then I was also thinking that alot of overweight

    children have overweight parents and for them to discuss obeseity

    with them they would have to confront their own issues.

    Report Abuse
Comments 1-10 of 22

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