Weight obsession - Will it ever stop?

Here I am, a girl who just is just becoming a woman, never in my life have I been worried about my weight, or what I eat.  Then I moved to Japan after highschool to get my life going and go to college.   4 months later I turn 20 and something happened to me I would have never expected.  I decided for the first time ever I wanted to lose some weight.  Keep in mind, I have always been a fairly healthy 135 pounds at 5'7 and have never had any self image problems.  I believe it was because I had quit smoking at the time and gained a few extra pounds that a few people noticed.  That's where it all began.  I am now 110 pounds and sometimes I look in the mirror and think I look great, other times I still feel I could look better. I used to starve myself, spend lots of time thinking of foods I wish I could eat again, every now and then I would binge and then eat less the next few days and lose it again.  This cycle hasn't really stopped yet, although I am much healthier than I was about it before.  There was even a part in time where I deprived myself of water to lose weight... I dont do that now really, but how stupid is that?   I exercise and eat mostly healthy foods now, and ONLY drink water and sometimes milk.  But the truth is, I want to feel ok with eating junk when I want.  I don't want to feel depressed when I feel I've eaten to much or when I skip going to the gym for a day.  I just want to be happy with my body again!  No matter what weight, I just want to always be able to look at that mirror and think I am beautiful whether it be 110 or 135...  Why can't I allow my brain to shut off this way of thinking?  Why does it control my life SOOOOO bad?  Is it because I am becoming a woman?  If feeling this way means being a woman, then it really sucks, let me tell you.  I am always thinking of food now it seems, I spend to much time at the grocery store staring at food lables and wishing I could have those certain foods again, and then when I do, I'm just depressed about it.  How many women out there feel this way?  Are you one of them?  Is there anyone out there that can really stop this way of thinking once it has started?