What Happens After Miscarriage...a Need for Comfort

My personal experience with miscarriage is not because I, myself, have lost a baby. It happened about 10 years ago in the hospital where I worked as a surgical assistant. Being on the "other side" of the experience was not only incredibly sad, but it was life-changing. Hospitals do their best to provide a clinical environment where both mother and baby are safe and healthy. But when things happen that are out of our control and a baby is lost to miscarriage, the hospital's "best" ends there. Ill-equipped with any type of burial, memorial, or services that can provide families with a way to honor their lost child, they fall far short of the emotional needs of their patients during that particular time.

I remember helping the nurses with putting the deceased baby on a clean blanket, covering its body to the neck, and placing a miniature knitted cap on its head. When the families requested, the nurses would take a memorial photo of the baby along with any special items, such as a crucifix, blanket, or rattle. When the families did not opt for a photo, the body was disposed of along with the other biological waste discarded from surgeries and procedures. I was not supposed to get attached to any patient, but I couldn't help feeling like my guts had been wrenched out. I was angry that a baby who hadn't even begun to live had passed away. I was sad for the families who lost that hope for a new life as my ears were filled with their muffled cries.I was horrified at what happens after a miscarriage.

Though I have never personally lost a child to miscarriage, one of my family members lost three babies in four years and a friend has just recently lost her pregnancy. Though I cannot truly grasp the extent of the emptiness and grief that they've gone through after a miscarriage, its effects are undeniable. Questions flood the mother's mind like: "Did I do something wrong to cause this?", "What do I do now?", "How will I cope with this sadness?", and "Is anyone out there who understands and can help?" Hearing from well-meaning friends and family who say "you can have another child later" and things of that nature are not helpful at all. Sometimes it's best to quietly listen to someone's pain or simply hold them in reverent silence than saying something insensitive.

Last weekend, I met a couple at church who run a Christian ministry called Cradle of Love. They are a branch of the Corona Life Services and they are out there helping people right now. Mothers and families who have just lost a baby to miscarriage can count on them to provide a burial space and a Christian Pastor and a soloist at no charge. A granite headstone, engraved with anything the parent(s) want is provided for free as well.The family only has to pay for the funeral costs, flowers, and the upkeep of the grave site. I was so touched by the work they are doing that I helped them create a Facebook page that will allow anyone from every walk of life to come together to support each other through their difficult time and to seek help from the ministry if they need it.

If you've gone through the tragedy of a miscarriage and need a place where you can talk with others who are there to comfort you, listen to you, and share where you can share your experience, visit the new Cradle of Love Facebook page and become a part of this loving miscarriage support group. There are lots of people out there who really do care!