I will always be grateful that she was so kind and soft-spoken as she gave me a thorough exam and then stood in front of me. She explained that I was healthy and fine and could get a mammogram if it would soothe my worries. She suggested I try some ways to release my stress and anxieties. She made sure I knew how to properly do my own breast exams.
But what she was really saying was that the pain in my chest was really a pain in my heart. I've been remembering that over the last nine months as I've gone through a divorce that has rivaled the trauma of my brother's accident years ago. On the occasions that I feel that ache in my chest and the worry that, in the midst of all of this, I will have breast cancer as well, I remember my doctor's words.
It's not that I am ignoring my body. In fact, I think that I am learning in moments of acute stress to listen even more closely to my body, to give each pain and change the attention it needs. Nothing more, nothing less. That is a process, and I do still pray that breast cancer is a challenge I will never have to take on. I also am trying to find ways to focus that concern on taking care of myself today, of addressing the stress and not welcoming even more worry into my body and mind.
My first step was admitting my worry out loud, to tell my parents that I often fear I have breast cancer when I am most stressed. It helped that it didn't sound completely rational when I heard the words hang in the air because it meant the silent anxiety was building inside of my head.
I imagine that most of us have a health worry that sometimes plagues us,whether it is spraining an ankle before an event we're training for or a terminal illness.
What is your biggest health fear? And does it help to admit it aloud?
[photo credit: Getty Images]
