Will ANTM have its first plus-size winner? The anticipation is killing us

Aeeeeeeiiieee! I can NOT stand the suspense for tonight's America's Next Top Model finale! It's down to Anya (I'm sure she's a very lovely girl but the dippy sing-songy accent automatically subtracts IQ points), annoying size 0 Fatima, and plus-size Whitney, who is a plus-size model and also, a plus-size model. The Top Editors have been all but telegraphing an Anya win since the second episode, and the girl just has to look cross-eyed at a challenge to assure a win. Even so, my heart of hearts is still pining for a first Top Plus-Size Model, even though Whitney sometimes wallows in fakey fakeness and, as Rich points out, she kind of looks like Blair (Warner, not Waldorf) in her own blonde hair.

But really, I honestly don't give a flying Miss J. if my Next Top Model has a fake personality. I know, I know, the real contest is not about the girl who will be on the cover of Vogue or even Self (because we all know Kelly Ripa has that in the bag) but rather, who will star in the series of Cover Girl commercials that will air during the following season of ANTM. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy and also, it's whack! Granted, I almost never watch commercials (unless it's the weekly American Idol/Ford "video"), but I'm almost certain that I've never seen Saleisha's annoying mug peeking out at me when I fast-forward during my weekly Gossip Girl fix. And only recently has Fatima gotten called out for her refusal to take direction (and man, I know someone like that, who starts nodding when you're giving criticism as though, "Oh yeah, I know, I KNOW!" when ----- , please, if you knew then I wouldn't have to talk to you about this. It's amazing that Jay Manuel doesn't do more than roll his eyes at her). So really, what does the title mean, other than being a shill for Cover Girl? Probably not that much. And it's not like you need personality for that gig. After all, look at Naima, who might as well have been a sheet of plywood paneling during 3/4s of her season (er, cycle).

So what I'm really doing right now, if you can't tell, is trying to convince myself that it won't mean anything if Whitters gets second or third place and is psychologically demoted to the Fat Best Friend of the Next Top Model. But really, I'm telling you right now that if Whitney actually does pull it out (a feat perhaps involving a sexual favor for Nigel and maybe also Paulina), I may burst into song or perhaps insert the term "plus-size model" into casual conversation whenever I can for the next week in Whitney's honor. Go Whitney go!

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