So here's my story. If it's tedious or boring, that's okay. I'm writing it just because of the comedy of errors of which my life consists. I believe that for as smart as I am, I have moments where I am equally as dumb. THAT, my friends, isn't a blonde quality. It's just me. I'm a dork, and I know it.
So...some back story: I am a mother of two and "step-mother" (we're not married yet) of three. So that makes me queen of testosterone mountain, as ALL FIVE KIDS ARE BOYS. Needless to say, that takes its toll on our furniture (among other things). We decided that we were not going to buy new furniture until they were all grown. The girly-girl inside of me was arguing with that (but we can just TEACH them not to mess it all up!), but in the end, reason prevailed and we decided to stick with what we had. And then we were given the mother of all couches: 12' x 9' of wonderfully comfortable cushions and a mountain of pillows that could make any family of seven comfortable at ANY time! I was so excited, not only did we have something that we could all fit on, it also became a project for me because (hang on to your seats here) it was TEAL AND PURPLE. Yes, my friends, you heard it here first.
I measure and count, take notes, tear apart cushion covers, make inches into feet into yards into square yards...that massive couch with ALL of its pillows is going to take up 100 square yards of fabric!!! Egads, man!
So I ask my man to go to the fabric store with me to pick out the colors of the fabric I will use to cover it with...I mean, how hard is it to go in there and help me with colors, for crying out loud? Well, that was my thinking, anyway. The next 45 minutes consisted of, "You like THAT?" "If there's not enough of that, how are you going to use it for the whole thing?" "That's gonna look STUPID."
(note to self: never take a man to a fabric store.)
So I go home, and call my best friend. She happens to know of a fabric outlet right by her house, so we make plans to go the next day. My man cuts a rose from our back yard to take to her for saving him from fabric heck, and so on Sunday, off I go...
What a nice excuse to spend some quality time with your friend! Off we go, I've got the truck and my imagination in tow, and another female eye to help me. I know what colors my man will tolerate (note: no frilly, no pink, no lavendar, pastels of any sort, etc.). Now all I need is...
(insert angelic chorus here)
FABRIC MECCA...an enormous warehouse with rows and rows of every single color, type, quality, and god-awful price you can imagine! We ran around like little kids at the candy store, saying things like, "Oooh, did you see this one?" and "Omigod, this would look SOO good in (her daughter)'s room!" and "I like the butterflies!" It took us nearly two hours to find it, but we did. A nice fabric in neutral/dark shades that was nice and resilient and not too expensive. Of course, I can't find 100 yards of any fabric all in one roll, so I find some coordinating shades and decide that the foundation of the couch will be one color, the cushions another, and the pillows a combination of both those colors and a couple of accent colors. Which, by the way, all came in the same fabric! WOOHOO!
So I find myself a fabric-cutter and tell her how much I need. She says, "Wow, that must be a big couch!" I get plenty of sticky velcro to put the cover on (because with all those boys you can't tell me I won't need to wash it), thread, chalk to make the pattern, a seam ripper, and a couple more things that don't really matter but I bought them anyway. And here I am, chatting away at the register while they ring everything up. Laughing and pointing and looking at other things...here's the receipt, sign my name...laughing, ask for someone to carry it out...talk talk talk...laugh at the guy who picked up my rolls of fabric and knocked over a display...open up the back of the truck...take my friend home...get home, open up my wallet and...NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?!?
Oh, crap.
So I'm gonna re-cover these couches like couches have never been re-covered before. I could have bought new ones for what I spent on this fabric, but what the heck...you can't return cut fabric so I'm gonna make the most of it. I've totally screwed my finances for this month, but I'm gonna have fabulous furniture!!
Flash forward one weekend: here I am, on the floor, outlining and cutting and unrolling and separating and getting everything ready. And while I'm sitting in a garage in the Arizona late-spring heat, I realize something...
I FORGOT TO DIVIDE BY TWO.
The fabric is two yards wide. I needed 100 SQUARE yards of fabric.
Any feelings that I had of how smart I am, how incredibly genius some of my ideas are...yeah. They all went flying out that garage door right then. And now I have a LOT of fabric. I'm thinking garage sale.
******UPDATE*******
The couches are done, and we've decided that along with re-covering the dining set, we're making curtains and tablecloths. There's plenty of fabric, at least...and in four different colors, we're set.
Here's how it went:
That's the old Diamondback colors, there...pure 1990's!!
And after:
Whew...much better.
