Everyone loves a good listener. But there are more reasons to develop the skill of listening than just to win hearts or popularity contests.
Listening heals hurts and builds bridges. It gives us the ability to understand and empathize, to view the world from more than just our own (often shortsighted) eyes. It can bring us wisdom over and above mere intelligence. But most importantly, it allows us to give the people around us the gifts they crave most … time, attention, and a sense of worth.
As it turns out, there’s more to good listening than just keeping quiet and allowing someone to speak—though that in itself is a laudable feat. Effective listening is actually a combination of two key communication skills: listening and verifying.
Even when we’ve miraculously managed to hear a person’s entire message (without zoning out or interrupting), we often interpret it wrong—according to our own understanding, experience, or prejudice.
As an effective listener, your goal is hear and absorb what another has to say … in exactly the way they mean it to be understood. Only then can you respond appropriately.
Believe me, this is much easier read than done, so here are a few helpful tips:
1. Give the speaker your full attention.
Stop talking and remove all distractions. Turn off the TV, your
phone, or computer. Watch your posture and body language. The way
you look at the speaker, or the way you stand or sit, makes a huge
difference. The right listening posture not only eliminates
distractions and enhances our ability to concentrate, it
communicates that we are listening openly and attentively, and puts
the other person at ease.
2. Be patient.
Not everyone is a gifted (or even logical) speaker. Some people
take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an
issue. Others are too fraught by emotion to get their message
across properly. If necessary, ask the speaker to say more, give an
example, or explain further. It will help him/her speak more
precisely and it will help you hear and understand more
accurately.
3. Keep your emotions in check.
If what someone is saying creates an emotional response in you,
make an extra effort to listen carefully, with attention to the
intent and full meaning of the words. When we’re angry, frightened
or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said.
4. Hold your fire.
Don’t jump to conclusions, or launch immediately into an opinion,
defense, criticism, or argument. A good listener doesn’t judge (or
react) until comprehension is complete. If you respond in a way
that makes the other person defensive, even if you “win” the
argument, you may lose something far more valuable.
By DivineCaroline on Intent.com
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