There's stress -- boy, howdy, is there ever stress right now -- and then there's
overwhelm.
Right now, I have both, and one is feeding the other. When I'm
overwhelmed, I get really withdrawn (if you've ever met me in person,
you'll understand that it's a strange thing to be around a
very quiet Lylah). Sometimes, I seem angry, but I'm not,
I'm just really frustrated. And my to-do list seems to grow by
the second, because I can't seem to get anything done. Which,
of course, adds to the frustration, and to the feeling of being
overwhelmed.
So, how to you break the cycle? Here are five things I try to do to
overcome that feeling of being overwhelmed:
1.) Put it in perspective. Yes, times are tough.
In fact, they're pretty horrible. But where do you stand, in
the grand scheme of things? Take a hard look at what's going on
around you. Look for the bright side -- there always is one,
somewhere -- and hold on to it like a lifeline. One excellent way
to put things in perspective: Cuddle your kids. Even if they're
too big to be cuddled (some of mine are), grab them, give them an
embarrassing hug, shrug off the "Moooooom!" and then take
a few minutes to remember what they were like when they were tiny
and still thought that you were a superhero. Those little (and
not-so-little) faces... that's what's important.
2.) Take baby steps. When I get overwhelmed,
I get paralyzed by the huge amount of whatever work needs to be
done, and the fact that nothing's actually getting
done. Pick one thing -- one small thing -- and do it. Then another.
Divide your day into hours, and if you're still feeling
overwhelmed, get through the day in five-minute chunks. The time
will pass whether you're constructive or not... might as well
be constructive.
3.) Be gentle with yourself. Being angry with yourself
doesn't make things better, and there's no need to add
guilt to the mix. Cut yourself some slack, take a short break,
give yourself a treat. After I write this,
I'm going to do all three -- shut my computer for the night
(slack), take a long soak in the tub (break), while sipping on a
little scotch (treat). Then I'm going to go to bed.
4.) Go to bed. Yes, really, I'm going to go to
bed. If my head hits the pillow before midnight, I consider that
early; before 11 p.m. is decadent. When I'm really and truly
overwhelmed, I'll aim for 10 p.m. I've never actually
gotten to bed that early (at least, not since I had kids),
but just the thought of it makes me all giddy. Giddy is good for
battling overwhelm.
5.) Look to the past. Have you been in this situation
before? Has anyone you know been in it? It took me a while, but
then I remembered what my own parents went through, back in the early '80s, when we were in the
middle of a really bad recession and they were struggling with
entrepreneurship and day jobs and tuition for three kids. How did
they handle it? I'll have to ask them, but the bottom line is
that they got through it. Which means that now, 25 years later, I
will, too.
Have you been feeling overwhelmed? What helps you cope?
Lylah M. Alphonse writes about
juggling career and parenthood at The
36-Hour Day and Work It, Mom!, and
blogs at Write. Edit.
Repeat.
5 ways to get over feeling overwhelmed
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Comments 1-7 of 7
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Posted by Wed Jun 3, 2009 8:18am PDT
Report AbuseWhen your overwhelmed I think the first thing to do is stop everything and close your eyes, breathe and count to 10 then use Distraction. Priortize your life and work and when you feel like you just can't handle it put yourself in "Timeout". If time out can calm a 2year old child in the peak of terrible two's then it can help you.
http://www.myconsciouschange.com/
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Posted by Wed Jun 3, 2009 8:32am PDT
Report AbuseThanks for this Lylah!! Couldn't have come at a better time for me, personally. I'll be using your tips (particularly the SCOTCH one) for sure.
And, as a "wordie", I must say I really appreciate your use of 'overwhelm'....fantastic.
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Posted by Wed Jun 3, 2009 9:42am PDT
Report AbuseI have decided I can only handle about 5 negative items of news a day. After that - watch out! Here comes the overwhelmes. I sigh a lot (deep cleaning breaths), I contact my friends for advice (if only to get someone to agree with me!), and I go to be by myself for a little while. When I come out, I usually have an idea how to handle the problem.
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Posted by Wed Jun 3, 2009 1:23pm PDT
Report AbuseGreat advice, Lylah. I find listing the most important things I have to get done in the order I think they need to be done, then focusing on each thing, one at a time, helps me regain footing. I also draw on past times in my life to help me remember I've gotten through similar or worse over-filled moments. That helps, too. But I agree: Sleep is key, if you can get it.
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Posted by Thu Jun 4, 2009 10:10am PDT
Report AbuseBest advice is to MAKE A LIST.. whenever I feel that the work is piling up, i make a list of everything i need to do.. then start at the top of the list and work my way down.. then whenever a new projects gets assigned.. it just keeps getting added to the bottom of the list.. my attorneys know this.. and they can come into my office at any time and see where exactly their assignment lands on my list.. they will have an ETA of their projects.
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Posted by Thu Jun 4, 2009 11:10am PDT
Report AbuseI try to be mindful and look for opportunities for relaxation and downtime even as I'm working and taking care of endless household duties. I only have one child, so I can't relate to your situation, but I work out of the house 12 hours a day (including 3 hrs of commuting) and can't really afford help around the house except occasional mega-cleaning every couple of months. So, I know i'm lucky to be able to do that even, but many nights I'd love to come home and just chill out with a cup of tea instead of battling with my toddler about bedtime and dinner and potty training, and further battling with my husband about who is sleeping where and who is folding laundry. I try to use my commute on my work shuttle as downtime if I can, and I remember to take walks at work. Good luck, day by day, hour by hour...
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