7:00 a.m. : Awaken filled with positive thoughts that today will be the day fabulous, bestselling book idea will hit. Just need nifty hook. Shouldn’t be tough. Am smart, funny lady with excess creative energy. Onward!
8:15 a.m. : Continuing to stare at blank Word document. Perhaps more coffee will help fuel genius. Shouldn’t expect immediate success, right?
9:45 a.m. : Have been sucked into Twitter game by actual bestselling author. Have spent 1 ½ hours titling “failed children’s books.” So far have come up with numerous inappropriate/offensive titles, including: The Bi-Polar Express; Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Lay; Charlotte’s Web of Deceit; and There's a Wocket in Pocket (and I'm Just Happy to See You!) Considering this an exercise in creativity and method of setting proper book brainstorming mood. Certainly not procrastinating….
11:20 a.m. : Okay, have started list of potential book ideas, but just realized have no interest in writing about vampires, ghosts, or psychics. Also, paranormal market is so saturated that my perfect story would get lost in the shuffle. Obviously. Hm….what hasn’t been done…?
1:16 p.m. Aha! Have not heard of novel about teen ogre and family that must relocate to snake infested planet in order to reverse time and save earth. Will include teen ogre romance, of course, and perhaps incorporate Romeo and Juliet storyline: heroine ogre longs to run off with ogre son of enemy family.
2:32 p.m. : Have accepted stupidity of ogre story, and have made and eaten vat of guacamole and entire bag of Tostitos. Avocados are lovely. Perhaps should become avocado farmer. (Are there avocado farmers? There must be, since we have avocados. But are they called farmers? Harvesters? Growers? Will research this.) Oh, idea! Will pen novel of thirty-something woman who packs family into car and moves to lush avocado land where she discovers magical method of producing higher volume of avocados….. Crap. Simply need more coffee to fuel brilliance.
4:02 p.m. : New concept: Thirty-something woman and best friend win two-billion dollar lottery and move to fancy beachside home. The hot women spend their days sipping mojitos while scantily-clad male dancers provide massages under linen canopies. Well, if decide to become erotic writer, will be all set. Sigh.
4:36 p.m. : Work day should officially be over soon, so must hurry to meet goal. Teen pop star is kidnapped by frazzled parent who forces pop star to perform top hits until even pop star hates her songs. Will keep moving here. Frustrated writers eats too much guacamole and turns pale shade of green. Found slumped over laptop with scent of cilantro permeating air. Not
upbeat enough… and obviously unhappy ending.
11:02 p.m. : Falling asleep when book concept hit. This time, it’s a good one. Foresee being up until the crack of dawn getting it out on paper. Will be worth it. Lesson learned: Stop trying so hard and just let it happen.
Jessica Conant-Park's website.
