An Issue of the Mind

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  Posted by Ingeborg Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:08pm PDT

  From experience I date blk men myself. I am carribean, irish and scottish. I know what you mean about the whole thing about you bein wht and him blk. One of my family members didn't like the fact I had a blk boyfriend but I didn't really pay them no mind. To me we are all created equal and the color of our skin should not lead to judge. Your parents are stuck in the old times. At least you are happy with the person you are with, that's what should matter and not the color of his skin. I thought family members would love you regardless. But they eventually realized it's my life and I am a grown woman and what I decide to do is my own buisness. I would chose my boyfriend because intime I think they will come around. In this world we tend to take little things too far into a problem that's not too serious. Your family should love you and respect your decision. They are being immature about the situation. I can understand if he is no good for you. But you know him because you've been around him. There are times you can say and do what you can to get your point across to change a persons mind. Yea, it sounds messed up that I said I took my boyfriend over my family but eventually my family came around. And I was thinking to my own self what happened with the love of family.Like they say you can lead them to the water but you can't make them think. Take Care. Love & Peace.

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  Posted by jayson Sun Oct 11, 2009 8:22pm PDT

  if you really love that guy and he makes you smile..so you to fight for it..weather he is black...he is also a human..

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  Posted by Vanessa Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:03pm PDT

  i had the same problem.Im mexican and dated a Black guy,and my dad especially hated it.It drove him insane seeing him wit me.When he would come over wi da fam my dad and grandpa would ignore his existance.It took my dad 2 years to realize that im not gunna jus stop dating him because he doesnt like him.Im goin to be wit who i am regardless of skin color ur father will realize that as long as he makes you happy and hes a good a man, and knows that he will care of you he will be fine wit it.One thing i tried was having my parents meet his family that way he can see how goo-hearted they are and that we really are no different from eachother...Good luck

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  Posted by lovechildkc Sun Oct 11, 2009 11:27pm PDT

  My mother is white and her grandmother hated and I mean hated blks and I believe so did her mother. What my mother and her sisters did was dated and even married blk men. Now my grandmother got over it all because she loved her children and us of course the mixed kids that came out of it, now my great grandma she didnt want anything to do with any of us kids that had just a drop of blk in us. it took her to her death bed to want to the youngest of us all, and she feel in love with that child and she realize what she has lost and ask for forgiveness and then she pasted. You can not let you family dictated whom you see, if you do you will live to hate them. your family will get over it in time, when who knows. it hurts I know. I never met my great grandma. just go and be happy and I hope he is worth all that you are going through and he must be cause he is still by your side through it all. good luck honey.

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  Posted by Serina Latif Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:33pm PDT

  My boyfriend is black while im a muslim Malaysian malay girl.There is so many diffferent things between me and him cos we are from different country and relegious. I study him and now I already undrestand him and my family easily can accept him for the first time i bring him to meet my parents. Even some people around me look down to me just because my men is black guy, but i dont care bout what people say.We have planned to get married soon and there is no problem for my family at all. I just wonder why some people so hard to accept black as their family..they are just same like everybody,they are human.. have hearts have feelings..so what's a big deal?!

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  Posted by Erin Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:46pm PDT

  i am mixed i heard mi mom struggle wit the problem wen i was small mi gradparent has nothing to do wit me and still doesnt mi mom is currently 'dis-owned' but she is happy and thats the way i like to see her

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  Posted by Katie Wed Oct 14, 2009 7:03pm PDT

  Thanks for all that you guys have put so far. i really appreciate the advice. And IngeBorg i completely agree with you. i thought once my parents realized how happy i am they would come around. im not askin them to love him just to accept him as he is the way i did. But they have threatened to disown me if i continue with my relationship. they keep saying that its not worth my family to be with someone i love but thing is i dont want to be with my family if they dont care enough to want me to be happy. Thanks Again to you all :]

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  Posted by Ingeborg Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:39pm PDT

  You are welcome .... anytime. The thing about life is things change and it doesn't stay the same. Your parents are in the time when we stick with "our own kind". I am used to geting dirty looks from people who don't like the fact I am with a blk man. And it still goes on today. How I think about it is this is my life and I am living it to the fulliest. I am happy. Yea, they should care because they are your family members but they are who they are. Listen to your heart. What does your heart say? It's sad you gotta chose and that's the way they are putting it. Have a good nite. Take Care, Love & Peace.

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  Posted by SILENT KNIGHT Sun Nov 8, 2009 6:33pm PST

  This one is easy. Choose a side, but let it be the one who helps pays your bills that you sleep with and are married to, rather than people who love you enough to not let you be happy or a person you are just feeling. You seem to be worried about everyone elses feelings, but your own. Do what you have to do for you and anybody who disapproves can do it by themselves.

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  Posted by marijo Sun Nov 8, 2009 7:11pm PST

  Hello Katie, I myself have never dated a black man but I'm all for being with whomever makes YOU happy. Your parents sound like they are from the same era that mine were. The only difference is that my mom was from up north(Jersey) and my father was from the south(N.C.). My mom didn't have a racist bone in her body but my father,now that was a different story. I can remember when black sitcoms first came on television my father forbade us to watch them when he was at home. Stupid don't you agree? He would constantly make racist slurs and try to make us kids do the same. Thank goodness for my mom. We kids ended up with split decisions on the subject. My older brother and myself went with the views of my mom and of course my other two brothers are as big or bigger racists as my ignorant father. My oldest son was dating a lovely girl in high school. Her mother was white and her father was black. They dated from their freshman year right on through their sophmore year. I almost thought they might talk about getting married! They made such a cute couple! I had some so called "friends" ask me how I could accept this and I just told them that if they were happy then I was happy. You wouldn't believe just how many people I found out weren't really my "friends". Oh well they're loss! I say make yourself happy first. If this man treats you good and gives you that giddy feeling in the pit of your stomach then go with it! Hopefully your parents and other family members will come around but if they don't then as I said before,"It'll be they're loss". Something my mom told me awhile back(may she rest in peace),"You can't please all of the people all of the time so please yourself all of the time"!! Sounds good and guess what IT WORKS!!! Good luck and DON"T WORRY BE HAPPY!!

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