Manage Your Life

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Hindsight is 20/20: What would you tell your younger self?

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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about my career. I started working as a journalist when I was 16 -- I mean working for pay, as opposed to on the school paper or something -- and I pursued my career goals with a single-mindedness that surprises me today, in retrospect.

I didn't really have a mentor, 15 or 20 years ago. I could have used one -- as a  young woman, as a woman of color, as a journalist, as a professional. I could have used a primer on office politics (who couldn't?), some guidance on setting goals, a reminder that work-life balance is important even when the only thing on the "life" side of the equation is yourself.

Here's some advice -- career or otherwise -- I wish I could tell my younger self:

Travel more. Not just on vacation -- though I would definitely advise my 25-year-old self to do that, too, before she saddled herself with a mortgage. Travel for conferences, volunteer for off-site assignments, just get out of the building and see what else is out there. I haven't spent my entire life in one state, or even one country. But I definitely wish I had seen more of the world instead of spending so much time in the office.

Network more. Hanging out with the music critics was fun, but attending meetings for various journalistic associations would have been fun -- and smart, too.

Don't work during your downtime. I rarely took all of the vacation time to which I was entitled. I should have. The office runs just fine when I'm not there.

Set new goals constantly. They don't have to be work-related, either.

Don't be so afraid of failure. Sure, there's a price to pay for not doing things perfectly right off the bat. But it can be one of the best way to learn something, to push your boundaries, to set new goals.

Wear the bikini. Believe me, you look fantastic. Don't be so self-conscious about it.

Dump that guy. I know you love him, but he's like a broken vase: gorgeous to look at, and utterly non-functional. Also: When you're 27, he's going to break up with you anyway.

You are worth it. It's OK to splurge on yourself every once in a while. Go spend the money on a pedicure. It won't matter in the long run, and 10 years from now, you'll want to but not have the time to.

What advice -- career or otherwise -- would you give to your younger self?

Lylah M. Alphonse writes about juggling career and parenthood at The 36-Hour Day and Work It, Mom!, is the Child Caring columnist for Boston.com/Moms, and blogs at Write. Edit. Repeat.

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From the Community…

Comments 1-10 of 149
  • EdieP's Avatar
    Posted by EdieP Wed Aug 26, 2009 10:58am PDT

    Relax--and trust your instincts. Those muscles don't get used enough when we are younger.

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  • Lucky's Avatar
    Posted by Lucky Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:05am PDT

    Get a law degree....

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  • Ericka's Avatar
    Posted by Ericka Wed Aug 26, 2009 11:16am PDT

    On the dumping that guy comment - I have been there...they're like a sportscar that doesn't run anymore, isn't getting you anywhere, and has lost it's overall value, I think. I have heard the phrase "how to date like a man" - I don't think we are physiologically capable of it, but it's not a bad idea. Better yet, date like a DIVA ;)

    Besides, a sleeker, sexier, newer model will come out and then you're sitting there going "dangit" haha.

    I try to live my life with few regrets, but really I should have been a bigger *B* over the years instead of doing for everyone else all the time. I am learning - a work in progress. It runs against my grain to e a true *B* but I am learning that if you don't promote yourself and do for yourself first sometimes, you don't get anywhere...that is the advice I would give my 25 year old self, I think.

    Great Post - I think a lot of us have that idea rattling around upstairs from time to time.

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  • siri's Avatar
    Posted by siri Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:38pm PDT

    Fate will indeed push you (gently or forcibly) where you need to be. One never stops making mistakes or learning. You have to be scared in order to react. When you react you've actually accomplished a goal.

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  • springtime's Avatar
    Posted by springtime Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:34am PDT

    Life is one big book with many chapters. Some chapters are not inspiring. That's okay. Don't look back. What's past is past and dwelling on it won't change a thing. Keep moving forward. Remember , you can't be listening and learning if your mouth is always moving.

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  • JennB's Avatar
    Posted by JennB Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:42am PDT

    Don't settle! Take the chances when you are young. Don't wait until life takes over and you find yourself with too many responsibilities to change.

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  • kc's Avatar
    Posted by kc Thu Aug 27, 2009 7:50am PDT

    Amen, JennB, don't settle.

    You're worth more than that, lighten up on yourself. You look way better than you give yourself credit for. Don't wait for some dumb guy to validate you. I'm so much happier now at 46 than I was at 26!! Wiser, thinner, and I don't put up with crap!!!

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  • Dory Devlin, Shine staff's Avatar
    Posted by Dory Devlin, Shine staff Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:01am PDT

    Yes to all eight pearls of rear-view wisdom. You are so right. I'd add this: You may think the first five years of your working life will go by soooo slowly, but they'll be over before you know it and you'll be on your way to where you want to be--if you follow Lylah's advice.

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  • Scott & Nicole's Avatar
    Posted by Scott & Nicole Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:02am PDT

    I agree with a lot of what you're saying. On the guy thing, younger me would not listen to older me -- I thought I was so in love.

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  • Theocide's Avatar
    Posted by Theocide Thu Aug 27, 2009 8:36am PDT

    date but dont lose your virginity to bryan...he lead me to the guy i have now

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Comments 1-10 of 149

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