How May I Serve You Today?

I spent six dreadful hours at work today. Why was is it dreadful? I suppose if I was as perfect as my co-workers, I could have enjoyed it. Then again, maybe not because I don't have enough in common with these ladies to spend 3 or 4 hours chatting in order to ignore customers. I prefer the managers' company, who are busy working. I even like chatting with with the customers, even though the majority aggrivate me to no end.

Too bad work has become a necessitiy. I thought things would turn around by Christmas, but if our electric bill is going to increase by 10% this winter, if gas isn't coming down in price, and if our grocery bill continues its upward trend, then I have to stick it out longer than I planned. I may even have to work more hours.

That leaves me with having to vent to the readers here, lest I reach over my little counter and claw the eyes out of inconsiderate customers. There are a lot of you out there and you know who you are, well most of you. Some of you are absolutely oblivious to your bad consumer deeds.

Now, I realize that everyone who has ever shopped has had a bad experience in a retail store. I have to say that my particular company is customer relations happy that if you steal from us, we want to avoid bad press so much that we won't even call the police! And if you think you've been ripped off or treated unfarily, then we will oblige you with freebies.

There are never any lines to wait in when you are at our registers. We greet you to the point of our mutual discomfort. Our policy is to put you, the customer first (even when we really want to claw out your eyes). Call us an idiot and we will apologize. (Seriously, abuse us, and we take it. They make us watch training videos on how to take your abuse!)

Yet, when you people come into my store, you assume we are going to treat you horribly! You assume that we will rip you off. You assume we dislike you even if we are very well aware that without you, we would be jobless.

I knew when I got to work this morning at 3 minutes before 8 o'clock (we can't punch in until 7:58) that it was gonna be a day. Why? Because an older man was waiting outside the store for it to open. When I offered him a cheery "good morning", he grumbled. How pleasant.

After I clocked in, I went to put up the newspapers. Granted, I have to put some of them together as part of earning my pittance of a salary. When the doors to the store opened, that man came inside and harrassed me about not having the papers together by 8:01 am. I apologized up and down for being so garshed darned slow.

By 8:05, I'd realized our automated prescription refill telephone system was down. I alerted the manager to the issue and he stated the obvious about how to handle the phone calls. Kindly, I explained to 10 people over the phone the situation and that we'd happily take care of them if they called back when the pharmacy opened at 9 o'clock. Did they listen? No. They proceeded to call back over and over again, assigning me the blame for the broken feature.

Then darned if I didn't get 50 hang-ups between 8:55 and 8:59 am.

While I was busy being verbally attacked for not being an IT person, the cigarrette customers had me busy with actual sales. They also gave me their opinions on smoking, on the price of tabacco and what-for about everything under the sun, including the state age verification law.

Yes, I have to card you if you don't look 40 years old. What does a 40 year old look like? Well, that's my judgement call. Some mature people are awfully lucky to look 18 when they are pushing 30 something. They think they are unlucky when I ask for identification. I'm such a meanie wanting to follow the law.

Why am I a big, fat, meanie? Because I know exactly what would happen if I got caught somehow not following the law. First, I'd lose my job and probably my ability to work in any establishment that sells restricted products. Secondly because I'd be arrested. That's not cool, ever. Thirdly because I would have to pay at least a $500 fine plus legal fees and court costs. You may be of legal age, you may be a really nice person with a heart of gold that reads books to dying children in your spare time, but I can't tell you from Officer Smith conducting a sting operation on law-breaking check out girls. Sorry.

As if that was not enough, the rest of the customers expect me to have the current week's sale ad and the month's coupon and rebate book memorized in their entirity. I should also know which items need coupons and which do not. If I have not done this, I will get an earful from you, the customer, about how worthless I am or how I'm out to get you and your hard earned money.

I have a couple issues with this. The first one is that our store carries about 15,000 individual items. We put several thousand of that on sale each week. I don't think anyone can keep track of that. That is why we have things like sale tags in our store, ads, books and even computers to track inventory and prices. I have no part in deciding any of this. I just scan the items, pray you don't cuss at me, and handle your money.

I am not trying to cheat you. Why would I? I don't get any proceeds from my register. I get a paycheck every two weeks (that wouldn't even cover the cost of selling smokes to a minor) as long as I show up to work and do a half decent job. I don't have the power to change prices on you, either. You are not so important in my life that I have singled you out in order to hurt you. Why on earth would you blame me for how much your bill is?

And I'm not good at memorizing things. I can hardly keep track of my own schedule and if my son likes swiss cheese or not. Did I feet the cat? Crap, did I put on deodorant this morning? (yes, I did) How on earth can I keep track of what you need a coupon for or if such-and-such obscure item is on sale?

Today, one man actually expected me to know to open up his package of photos and use a coupon he didn't even know was there. Your kidding, really? I'm going to open your item to get a coupon out? What right do I have digging around in your purchase? And how on earth am I supposed to know where to find that hidden coupon? I didn't make the packaging!

Another man expected me to know his bleach needed a coupon. I had made it clear to him that it wasn't necessary to cut out the coupon as long as he let the clerk know it was there because we aren't aware of all the coupon needing items. Turns out I was that clerk. Turns out he missed my message. He heard that the clerks knew what needed a coupon. I apologized when he returned to the store. I had a manager fix it, saying it was my mistake (some managers will not refund the difference). I wanted to beat that man silly, kinda; He was really nice about making me the idiot.
 
That happens regularly. We are expected to know what you, the consumer,  does and does not need a coupon for and we are expected to inform you. While we do really try our best, we are imperfect. We know this because you tell us all the time.

If that wasn't enough to drive anyone to jump off bridge after work, there's more. How about the person on the cell phone at the check out? That's lovely. Try going through the whole coupon issue with someone yakking on a phone. Try clarifying who that person is talking to when they ask a question. Try clarifying the clarification. Instead of a transaction taking 60 seconds, we're up to 3 minutes. Why? Because you feel like you are multi-tasking in order to save time. Really, you are just taking a 10 minute conversation and 10 minute trip to the store take 30 minutes because you aren't as good as you think at switching from shopping to talking.

Still not ready to run into oncoming traffic? Well, maybe after someone sets their items down on the counter infront of the closed register and waits for the invisible movable belt to land it infront of the register I'm using. That happens a lot, despite the giant "CLOSED" signs infront of the registers I'm not using.

What do I do? I either dramatically move your things so maybe the person behind you notices I'm doing it (because you're oblivious) and will be a little more considerate or I just move to the closed register. I moved my body today, instead of the items, opening the closed register. The man behind the oblivious woman I was waiting on laughed his butt off. Score.

Then there are the people who just there money down on the counter. Most don't even straighten there money. Now, I know I don't look like a stripper, so why are people throwing cash and credit cards at me? The same people get annoyed at the time it takes for me to unfold (or uncrumple in a lot of cases) their bills so they can fit nicely in my register then count, sort and scoop their $5.00 worth of change on the counter. The nerve I have!

And what exactly do want me to do with that plastic card you tossed at me? Do I randomly choose one of the three options out there: credit, debit or gift? That nifty little credit card machine eliminates the need for me to a) handle your card, thus preventing theft and b) speeds up the transaction because you know exactly how to use your card. Also, I have no way of entering your PIN into my machine, unless you tell me what your PIN is(not!).

It gets better from here. Do have any idea how many people do not keep their money in a normal, hygenic place? Women taking it out of their bras, men taking out from their um, waist bands?, people keeping money in their socks or the bottom of their shoes. C'mon, people, that's so gross!! Are you masochists getting off on making us clerks handle your nasty money?

I'm going to stop here. I won't tell you about the information people tend to share when they have a captive audience. Truth is, I know too much about strangers. I would shudder to think my family business was being discussed at the local drug store... shudder. I suppose part of the expression "Retail Therapy" comes from the nice things we service people tend to say after you've exposed your most private thoughts to us. Most of the time, you make us terribly uncomfortable.

Now we all want to jump off a cliff.

When I came home, I spoke to my husband on the phone. I told him that after my experience today, I do not feel like a nice person. Not one bit. That's what happens after you take everyone's anger for 6 hours straight. And with the economy in the toilet, I can't forsee it getting better. I told him that I was glad that after this week, I get to go back to the other department. People are nicer because the products make people feel good. 

Today, I was a the bug and not the windsheild...