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As the head of an agency, Bob gets hundreds of letters from applicant hopefuls. He takes the best examples of the worst writing, adds his own commentary, and shares them for our edification and amusement. Well, mostly for our amusement. From the current newsletter:
"Fasten your grammatical seatbelts – it's again time for Cover Letters From H*** As ever, when one sorts through hundreds of applicants per opening (Harvard Law School, American Idol, Oscar Meyer Wienermobile drivers), the first task is to hit the ejector seat launcher for the obviously less-than-competent. Some people make that job easy.
...the freshman through juniors were very, how can I put this nicely, they were ignoramuses; and yes ignoramuses is a word I looked it up in a dictionary.
I am currently attended _______ University...
We are currently rejected him.
...take this full of life, creative, fun, hardworking, quick learner, hands-on, intelligent, good looking, individually and help him by giving him the best possible experience, so he can continue the legacy of provided high level, knock your socks off advertising.
That's why one should have important letters read – out loud – by someone else.
We've always had food-industry clients, and yes, we talk about food a lot, but we've never before been ordered to actually be food:
... being a member of the (name withheld) Organization, and, braise yourselves, even participating in a folk dance ensemble for the last 14 years.
Please except this statement and resume as a good sign that I am interested.
Therefore, making it easy to decide on whether or not to meet with me. Given that I will go on...
Oh, you've made it easy."
I know I'll never be caught without my Strunk and White ever again.
Ever make a cover letter or resume gaffe? Are you in a position to receive cover letters and do you have your own letter from H*** to share?
