Manage Your Life

Thursday, December 3, 2009

How to cope with expensive friends

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Dammit. Damn damn damn.

Last night I had a (rare) girl's night out with a new friend. And somehow I managed to commit every stupid spending mistake known to woman--except, thank god, I didn't buy any shoes.

First of all, I thought we were both somewhat budget-conscious, so my guard was down. Never let your guard down! I ended up spending $47 on dinner. OK, $52, if you include the $5 I donated to the jazz band. What went wrong? I know the rules for coping with Social Spending Situations.

1) Location, location, location. I picked a pricey restaurant b/c they were having a jazz band, (and another friend was going to be singing). If you're going to pick the pricey place, be prepared to do the apps only strategy! Or (hello) PICK A CHEAPER PLACE.

See our tips: 21 ways to save a life (yours, too!)

2) Set terms. She said, "What do you want to do? Do you want to eat out?" Stupidly, I didn't say, let's just have drinks and apps. I said, "Dmmrruuuh--I dunno! Let's play it by ear."
Dumb-dee-dum-dum. Playing by ear is like playing by Visa.  Of course you're going to succumb to the pesto special with garlic shrimp for $24. AGH.

3) Be Your Own Woman. We've all learned not to drive naked and drunk just because our friends are doing it (at least, I hope you've learned that). The grown-up financial equivalent is: Don't order what she's ordering just because you think you have to play along. If she can afford grilled hangar steak, and you can't, then you can't. She doesn't care. Really.

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Comments 1-10 of 25
  • cindy's Avatar
    Posted by cindy Fri Jun 5, 2009 1:08pm PDT

    Yeah but how much did you drink? You dont have to order 3 expensive cocktails just cuz she is. Order one and sip on a water too. duh?

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  • aaru's Avatar
    Posted by aaru Fri Jun 5, 2009 1:34pm PDT

    Unfortunately in our group of friends we divide the bill by the number of ppl, I never had the courage to speak up thinking they will think of me as the problem maker.. I always eat much less than anyone at the table and I don't even drink ever. I always feel its unfair to pay $25 when anything I ate was less than $10. Suggestions anyone on how can I put my point forward without sounding rude?

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  • realitygirl13's Avatar
    Posted by realitygirl13 Fri Jun 5, 2009 3:58pm PDT

    aaru, I know what you mean, but here are the rules I play by: if you are having dinner with close friends you're comfortable with (and you guys eat out often) only paying for what you order (plus tax and tip) should be acceptable. However, going out with a group you don't always eat with or it's a special occassion, be socially appropriate and split evenly (there is nothing worse than passing a bill around the table while everyone digs for their calculators and take a table inventory of how many chardonney's you had etc.). It sounds harsh, but if you can't afford to go out, then don't. Going out(dinner, drinks, dancing etc.) gets expensive quick. Chance are, if you are preoccupied about the financial burden, you aren't enjoying yourself which makes it "money NOT well spent".

    *as a side note* if you are reading this and you are the person who goes out with a group and orders filet mignon and a bottle of fine red wine whilst everyone else if being moderate in their spending and you don't offer to throw in a larger share to cover your more expensive meal, you are the inappropriate one, atleast OFFER. :)

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  • bright's Avatar
    Posted by bright Fri Jun 5, 2009 10:07pm PDT

    Ok, if these are your "friends", then it should not be difficult to say... "hey I am on a budget, you all can spend whatever, I am not going over $25 tonight, including drinks." If they have a problem with it, are they truly your friends?

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  • Parveneh's Avatar
    Posted by Parveneh Fri Jun 5, 2009 10:38pm PDT

    I guess I have the opposite problem. I'm the friend without the budget and try to be self conscious of my budget friends. I always ask for restaurant suggestions instead of just offering my own because I know I spend more than most on food. However, what do I do when people defer to me because I'm the dining out queen? I don't know what is an acceptable "budget" amount to spend on food. Is it $10/plate? $15? Less than $10? I always stress that I may be picking a restaurant that would normally be out of their price range and they are too embarrassed to say something. Like the author says, tell me how much you can afford to spend and we'll go somewhere that fits. I really don't mind. I'm there to hang out with you, not judge you for how much you spend on dinner.

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  • C's Avatar
    Posted by C Mon Jun 8, 2009 9:26am PDT

    I have my own personal rules 4 and 5 to the list, which overall I agree with (the above list):

    4. If friend A is organizing, flat out state that you will NOT be dividing the bill equally as soon as she says "do you want to meet for dinner?", as orders the most expensive item and a bottle of wine (for example) and then goes and stiffs on the tip to further insult everyone. Further, request separate bill from server. Been bit on this twice, refuse to be bit again. She snarked at me at what would have been the third time, I snarked back, we now have an understanding that I won't help pay for her filet, wine, and appetizers while I'm eating a side salad and drinking water.

    5. Friend B isn't "allowed" to select the restaurant as she has no clue to the value of the dollar and will pick the joint that is the most expensive in 100 miles! Thankfully, she only will suggest a place if nobody else will!

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  • tina's Avatar
    Posted by tina Mon Jun 8, 2009 12:25pm PDT

    My friends love designer brands and NICE resturants, I can't afford $30 + tips for dinner for just me (this does not include drinks). Luckily my friends usually only go out for dinner for birthdays and other special occasions. I do my best to order cheaper things. I haven't come across the "split the bill evenly" thing. But that's a no-no. I would have to tell my friends I only have X amount of dollars. When I go shopping with my friends they pick stores I know I can't afford and kind of look sad when I don't try anything on, but I'm not going to tempt myself, I just watch them have fun. You just have to stick to your guns, your friends should love you, no matter your budget, and always be aware of how much you are spending and honestly, bring cash leave the plastic at home. You can only spend what you have on hand.

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  • yaya's Avatar
    Posted by yaya Mon Jun 8, 2009 2:03pm PDT

    What works for me is this: If I can afford to blow money (on going out) then I will go, if I know I cant, then I wont. I have even had to pay extra for a friend here and there, and I do not mind it if I can spare the change, as long as they dont do it ALL the time.

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  • Jamshed's Avatar
    Posted by Jamshed Mon Jun 8, 2009 3:00pm PDT

    friend is friend no money love with ? family real friend

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  • Nguyen's Avatar
    Posted by Nguyen Mon Jun 8, 2009 6:06pm PDT

    oh.it's was sensitive matter, when i go out with my closed friend , i always know exactly how much money i own, so so i can pay for both or more within my budget if we want to go restaurance. if i can't , i never mention about that and some one can understand what happend. we enjoy any moment when we together , never let any trouble of money harm our relationship.

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