How to Deal with a Lazy Spouse

Spouse not pulling their weight around the house?  Here is some advice to help you keep your cool and get you both working together as a team.

When it comes to keeping up the house and managing family business, there is a lot to be done.  It is nearly impossible for any one person to do it all by themselves.  That is why it is so important for married couples to work together, as a team. Otherwise, you have one spouse doing most of the work, and eventually they become burned out and fed up at the lack of help from their husband or wife.

When one spouse stops pulling their weight around the house, it is hard for the other spouse not become resentful and eventually become angry.  If you find yourself in this very situation, frustrated and tired at the imbalance in the division of labor, here is a bit of advice for you:

    * Do not assume that your spouse does not want to be helpful.  Most spouses really want to help their husband or wife but fail to because they are unaware of the need.
    * Understand that not everyone is keen on clean.  People have varying degrees of what they consider dirty.  It maybe obvious to you that the garbage needs to be taken out or that the toilet needs to be scrubbed, but it may not be obvious to your spouse.
    * Do not take it personally if your spouse is messy.  They are not out to get you by leaving their socks on the floor or by leaving the dresser drawers hanging wide open.
    * Do not expect that your spouse should know what to do. Stop telling them, "You should know what to do and do it."   Instead, simply state exactly how you need them to help out or which of their habits cause you stress.
    * Remember to be polite and say thank you when asking for their help or making requests.
    * Be patient.  It takes time for a person to change their habits and learn new behavioral patterns.  Your spouse may always need you to help them by gently pointing things out to them that bother you or asking for their help in specific ways.

If you have never told your spouse that you are frustrated with their slacker habits,  start talking.  It will be very hard for you and your spouse to achieve progress in any area of your marriage if you do not talk about it.  Keep in mind that you will accomplish next to nothing if you go at it while you are angry. If you need to vent about your frustration, do it before you sit down to talk to your spouse.  Try not to be too hard on your spouse and forget about trying to make them feel bad. They will probably feel bad enough once you begin to explain your frustrations and desperate need for a helping hand.  Keep in mind that they do love you and are not trying to hurt you with their slothfulness. Once you begin discussing the subject, steer clear of blame and drive towards solutions.  This will require creativity and willingness to compromise, as you work together to think of ways to get your house in order and keep it there.