THE ANSWER: This role reversal is catching up with thousands of couples, and it’s an interesting turn. Husbands are discovering firsthand what many women have known all along – how challenging time-consuming and valuable housework actually is (paying bills, balancing budgets, cooking, identifying the best contractors when something breaks) and the incredible organization required to run a house and still have a life outside the home.
But you can make the most of a husband on the loose.
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Treat the process of on-ramping your husband just as you would any new employee. The goal is to direct a new hire’s enthusiasm for making a contribution into the right lanes — distinguishing between what systems need to be honored as is (because they work so well), and what systems need improvements. Agree upon the value of maintaining the most effective systems: It minimizes the learning curve for your spouse, frees his time to apply his problem-solving skills where they are really needed and allows for an easy redistribution of the labor if and when he starts working again.
Grade your current household systems (using the criteria below), and then set up a strategy meeting to re-divide the labor, teach and transfer responsibility.
A-Exquisite system: organized, efficient, produces high-quality results.
B-Adequate system: few rough edges, some aspects take too long or cost too much.
C-Problematic system: takes too long to do, costs too much, needs improvement.
H-Already your husband’s system.
Click here to see an example grading card
Divvy up the responsibilities by agreeing on the areas your husband will cover and the ones you’ll continue to do. For any responsibility he is going to take on, carve out a separate training session to show him your systems. Be sure to show him exactly how your systems work and what, if anything, could be better – challenging him to improve those areas. If he has a better way to organize the kids’ schedules or get the weekly grocery shopping done … by all means. I once had a client whose husband turned out to be an amazing bargain shopper – grocery shopping was a price-hunting game to him and he saved her family more than 60 percent per week in food costs.
Hold each other accountable with weekly check-ins to get a status update on each area – did everyone do everything they were supposed to do? Are systems working as they should be? This is the danger zone for many women because, inevitably, their husbands do things differently than they might. Stay focused on helping your husband with specific guidance. He wants to get it right, he just needs a little direction from you to get there.
TELL US: Share your story. What household system(s) has your partner taken over and how is it going so far? What improvements has he made?
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