TV Land
Joan has a brand new show out on TV Land called "How'd You Get So Rich" in which she goes to the lavish homes of millionaires and finds out the secrets to their success. Think of it like "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" or MTV's "Cribs" with a back story. Rivers has been performing her stand-up routine every Wednesday in New York City and will take on Las Vegas for a short stint beginning this week. If you have the chance to go, her show is not to be missed.
We had the privilege of chatting with Rivers about her own recipe for success, being Donald Trump's "Apprentice," and working as a strong woman in the entertainment biz.
Shine: When did you decide what you wanted to do for a career and was making a lot of money important to you?
Joan Rivers: Never. Never. It still isn’t. Money is fabulous. Don’t ever let anyone tell you, Joanna, that money is not wonderful. It is wonderful. But you have to love what you’re doing—it’s the process that I adore. I work every Wednesday at a little club in New York called The West Bank, and it holds 100 people. So it’s about doing the work, I love what I do. And I always wanted to be an actress since I put the thought together. I never had any other desire in life.
S: When you did start making good money, what was your first big purchase?
J: I took my mother and my sister and we went to a store in New York called Henri Bendel and we all got mink coats. All three of us. Now, would you do it now? No, because no we’re all so politically correct.
S: Yeah, don’t you work with PETA now?
J: Yeah. And I have three rescue dogs, and my daughter Melissa has three rescue dogs, so it’s a whole different way of living. But in those days, all three of us went in and got mink coats.
S: If a woman is on a budget or can only get a few essential items, what should she buy to look glamorous?
J: All right, first of all you buy a very basic black dress. Then you put your money into sexy shoes—men love sexy shoes—the highest heel you can find, and then do it with accessories. If you have a plain black dress you put on an amazing necklace. The dress can go 27 different ways.
S: What are some more affordable items that you can fool people into thinking are more expensive?
J: It’s the way you wear them. It’s your attitude. The old story is you put fake pearls on a rich woman and suddenly they’re real.
S: Do you have any beauty or fashion tips you’d like to share?
J: There’s a new product out, OK it’s mine, but it’s so great. It’s a leg makeup because no one is wearing stockings anymore and you want your legs to look gorgeous. We have this thing called “The Right To Bear Legs” and it is so amazing. Your legs look beautiful, and when you’re young, hot.
S: Are you sick of people making fun of your surgery?
J: I get tired of it, because everybody does it. When I started, I really did it because I wanted every woman to know, you can do what you want. You can lie and say it doesn’t count, but everyone wants to look pretty. Look at the models. If you can make yourself look better, it’s going to help you get through life and be happier.
S: Are there still things you'd like to get done or procedures you could see yourself doing in the future?
J: Oh absolutely, in a hot second. I don’t know what—I’d have to take a good look at myself these days on camera, but I don’t want to look in the mirror and see my grandmother’s face. I don’t mind seeing my mother’s face, but I don’t want to see grandma.
S: Do you have any regrets? If a woman is looking to get something done, how should she go about it?
J: You do a little bit at a time. And for God’s sake, check out the doctor and be careful. Botox parties—are you crazy?! Are you out of your mind? Check out the doctor. It’s serious and it’s your face. Just do a little bit at a time, so people say, “Oh she looks wonderful, what did she do?”
S: Did anyone ever get mad at you when you did red carpet coverage?
J: Very few people. Julia Roberts, for example, used to say to me, “Say it to my face.” [Laughs] Which made me laugh. One year Sarah Jessica Parker says, “Will you check out these shoes,” and we both got hysterical, they were so ugly. So the smart ones know it’s fun. It’s the people who are kind of insecure, it’s their first season on something, those are the ones who are very uptight.
S: Who are your best friends in Hollywood?
J: Mostly people you don’t know. A lot of writers, comedy writers. Kathy Griffin is a good friend. Cher is a good friend. Lily Tomlin. But most of my friends are not even in the business.
S: Have you made many enemies over the years?
J: My darling, I’ve made so many enemies my Christmas card list is down to seven.
S: You were on and actually won “The Apprentice.” What was that experience like?
J: It was crazy. It was great because I was by far the oldest. All these people were saying, “I don’t know how old you are, but you’re great!” Which is to me, I wake up in the morning and go, “How old am I?” It’s stupid, so don’t think about it. So I loved that. And it was very entrepreneurial. They give you a task and they say, “Go!” And I loved that I did it all. Loved them all and did them all. You don’t know who’s gonna be smart, who’s gonna be dumb, who’s gonna be a worker or who’s gonna be a shirker. Who’s gonna be lazy, who’s gonna be a self starter. I’m gonna come back and help pick next year’s [Apprentice]. But I love Donald [Trump], I have great respect for Donald. We’ve met before, never had dinner or anything. I truly like him, but I loved working with him.
S: How do you feel about his hair?
J: He’s an icon now—that’s his trademark! It’s like Angelina Jolie’s lips. You can’t change ‘em. Too late!
S: You're heading back to Las Vegas—what will your show be like?
J: The show is my concert, which I do all over America, I do it all over England… it’s stand-up. I’m thrilled to go back, I haven’t been to Vegas in 10 years. I did it last night so I talked about Paula Abdul and what an idiot she is, turning down $10 million, Betty Ford is very expensive! [Laughs] When she sobers up she’ll realize she made a mistake. I talk about Jon and Kate plus those stupid children. Chastity Bono. I talk about whatever is current. Someone came up to me last night and said, “You’re so relevant!” Amy Winehouse, my girl! I love her because she’s so out there. She’s your generation’s Janis Joplin, she just goes to her beat. I think she’s on such a thin line and it’s such a shame because she’s so talented.
S: What do you think about Kathy Griffin and Sarah Silverman following in your footsteps as a sort of crass, female comedian?
J: I love them, and you just brought up another good one, Sarah Silverman. Absolutely. And there’s another one Lynne Koplitz, who is on Z Rock, which is one of the shows that I do. Run—don’t walk—to see her.
S: Do you think people find your routines particularly shocking because you're a woman?
J: I never thought about it in those terms, but yes. It’s time people got up and opened their mouths and talked about what women think. Comedy used to be so male-driven, and it’s just as funny to see it from our point of view.
S: Do you date? What man do you think could handle you?
J: Anyone that’s got a pulse. [Laughs] At this age you look like grandma and grandpa walking in. [Laughs] It’s so pathetic. Most of these men I go out with, I break up with them and they can’t remember. [Laughs]
S: So you don’t do the whole “cougar” thing?
J: Yuck, no. I hate younger men. Ugh. I don’t wanna wake up and say, "Is this my date or did I give birth last night."
